Talk:Classy Christmas/GA1

Latest comment: 10 years ago by Gen. Quon in topic Comment

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hmlarson (talk · contribs) 02:48, 30 December 2013 (UTC)Reply

Hello, I have begun the review and will be posting feedback below. As issues are addressed, please add a note indicating your changes to the relevant item listed below. Thank you. Hmlarson (talk) 02:48, 30 December 2013 (UTC)Reply

Thanks for jumping on this one after the other one stalled.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:59, 30 December 2013 (UTC)Reply

Comment

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Lead

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  • "The scenes that were filmed outdoors had to be crafted to look as if it were cold; in reality, temperatures reached into 90 degrees Fahrenheit, and above." Where was it shot?
  • "Despite this, the episode was the highest-rated NBC series of the night that it aired" --> change to "on the night that it aired"

Plot

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  • "leaving corporate to send" ---> consider changing corporate to "the corporate office"
  • "either proposes to her" ---> remove s from propose
  • "talking about her dirty toy" ---> change to "her damaged gift"
  • "At the party, Jada begins to lose interest, but Pam and Andy Bernard (Ed Helms) try to find fun activities for her, but Andy ends up ruining most of them." ---> change last part of sentence to "try to find fun activities for her; however, Andy ends up ruining most of them."
  • "Pam says that her husband Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) always gets her great Christmas gifts so she wants to give him one from her." --> change last part to "give him one."
  • "Meanwhile, Jim agrees to a snowball fight with Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson), but when he is first challenged outside, he eventually finds the doors chained and Dwight emerging from a snowman, throwing multiple snowballs at him and leaving him with a bloody nose." Can you split this up into 2 sentences?

Production

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  • "her eighteenth writing on the series" ---> consider changing to "her eighteenth writing credit for the series"
  • "The scenes featuring the snowmen were shot on the hottest day of the episode's shoot, with temperatures reaching above 90 degrees Fahrenheit." ---> consider adding where it is shot

Review checklist

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GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
    A well-written article. I have a few suggested copy edits listed above; but overall, very well done.
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
    Verified.
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail: