Talk:Come Over When You're Sober, Pt. 2

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Come Over When You're Sober, Pt. 2/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 17:44, 8 January 2022 (UTC)

Hello! I'll be taking a look at this article for the January 2022 GAN backlog drive. If you haven't already signed up, please feel free to join in! Although QPQ is not required, if you're feeling generous, I also have a list of GA nominations of my own right here.

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Background

• Following Lil Peep's death There should be at least one sentence that gives his full name, specifies that Lil Peep is a pseudonym, and says when and how he died.
• Link First Access Entertainment
• The source doesn't say that his "secondary laptop" was backed up, in fact it says it was the same laptop
• being backed up in an Apple Store by his mother Liza Womack use active voice
• Link Smokeasac
• Link Come Over When You're Sober, Pt. 1
• had made several unreleased songs "made" is vague – written? Recorded?
• "ones specifically made for a possible sequel to his debut album entitled Come Over When You're Sober, Pt. 1" → "which were intended for a possible sequel to his debut album, 2017's Come Over When You're Sober, Pt. 1."
• "that he still has" → "that he still had"
• "album is coming" → "album was coming"
• Specify that Peep's mother was the one to confirm the release date
• That NME quote is definitely too long and can be paraphrased

Recording and production

• Delink Smokeasac here, should be linked above
• write his songs fast vague terminology
• Comma after "partially completed demos"
• Pipe "demo" to Demo (music)
• Link GarageBand
• and the duo recorded songs that sounded far brighter than his life situation at the time Inadequately explained and also not neutral
• and would begin wrong tense
• iLoveMakonnen should be linked in the first paragraph and delinked in the second; also inconsistent capitalization
• ""[help] sandpaper [the songs] into shape."" → ""[help] sandpaper [the songs] into shape"." per MOS:LQ
• "Smokeasac would describe" → "Smokeasac described"
• Can we use a direct quote for extremely hard and one of his most important projects?
• I think the sentence on the "and was played certain tracks" should hew closer to what the source says, which is In June, Smoke played Peep’s mother, Liza Womack, a handful of tracks that were close to completion.
• Also, saying she was involved in the production and countering it with not intervening heavily feels awkward

General comments

I'm choosing to pause the review here. While you've definitely made significant work on this article compared to its previous state. That being said, the number of errors that I saw in the two sections that I did look at suggest that, before this article can get up to GA quality, it needs to undergo a very thorough copyedit for prose, source-text integrity, and tone, which is above the pay grade of a GA reviewer. So I am going to fail this article in the meantime and encourage you to go to the WP:GOCE. Once they've sharpened things up, please do re-nominate. — GhostRiver 23:26, 10 January 2022 (UTC)