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Talk:Crooked Smile/GA1

< Talk:Crooked Smile
Latest comment: 1 year ago by Adog in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 1 year ago26 comments2 people in discussion
Passed. Adog (Talk・Cont) 20:38, 15 August 2023 (UTC)Reply

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Adog (talk · contribs) 07:46, 13 August 2023 (UTC)Reply

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Hello! Sticking with a new category for GAN. I will take on this review fully by Monday, August 14 or Tuesday, August 15. Adog (Talk・Cont) 07:46, 13 August 2023 (UTC)Reply

As with my review on Talk:Big (Rita Ora, David Guetta and Imanbek song)/GA1, I did my homework and listened to the song. I will say I like this song's beat and flow. The music video was pretty wholesome...up until the DEA scene. Anyways, for my reviews, I do a first skim through the prose regarding sentence structure and grammar for the editor-at-large. If you feel these suggestions are improper or not appropriate for the text, please disregard them:

Prose

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Lead

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  • Cole chose to recruit TLC ... might read better as Cole recruited TLC ...
  • ... embracing one's flaws and being self-acceptive might read better as ... embracing one's flaws and self-acceptance.
  • Focus was placed ... is a bit awkward. I believe this is still about the reviewers, so maybe it could be worded as: Reviewers focused on his ....
  • Same sentence: ... his authentic message and some critics ... Comma before "and"?
No you are good on this one. Like in the other song review I did, I know there are distinctions on American vs. British English when it comes to commas. Usually in the American dialect, commas are place before "and" when listing or to separate two complete connected independent clauses in a sentence. I was not sure if this article was using British English, since J. Cole is an American, and usually American subjects have the same English dialect (I usually edit amusement parks, the same thing goes for the dating format MM/DD/YYYY vs. DD/MM/YYYY). Adog (Talk・Cont) 19:15, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
  • The song peaked at number 27 on the US Billboard Hot 100, alongside reaching ... I would omit "alongside" as it does not add to the sentence.
  •   Not done that implies the Hot 100 and the Hot R&B Hip-Hop Songs are joint charts, reading similarly to when positive reviews are mentioned then what was praised. --K. Peake 18:58, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
  • ... and British Phonographic Industry (BPI), respectively. Missing "the" before "British".
  • The music video depicts Cole as a marijuana dealer and he celebrates his sister's birthday with their family, until the Drug Enforcement Administration raid the house and kill her. I would add a comma before "and" and remove the one after "family" for flow.
  • ... police raid, whose mother Dominika Jones was grateful for the scene. I believe this phrase is missing commas before and after "Dominika Jones".

Background

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  • After having achieved success ... might read better as After achieving success ...
  • She understood that the song's message is what the group stand for ... "stood" instead of "stand"?

Composition and lyrics

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  • Musically, "Crooked Smile" is a hip hop and R&B ballad, with elements of dance music. I would consider removing the comma after "ballad".
  • TLC reply to those who had tried to bring them down ... "replies" instead of "reply"?

Music video

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Background

  • 7-year old to 7-year-old.
  • Despite being featured on the song, TLC do not appear ... "Does" instead of "do".

Synopsis and accolades

  • He is eventually revealed to be a marijuana dealer and this leads to a DEA raid of his house at night after the agent is shown planning, resembling the 2010 police raid might read better in two sentences and with some word changes: He is eventually revealed as a marijuana dealer, and sets the stage for a DEA raid on his home during the night. The raid occurs following the depiction of the agent's planning, drawing parallels to the police raid that took place in 2010.
  • Cole is arrested by the DEA and watches ... I get what this says, but readers could interpret this weirdly. I would add "agent" after DEA.

Live performances

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  • At the 2013 BET Awards, Cole performed the song solo as he sat on a stool and ... I would consider adding a comma before "and".
  • He was flanked by a live band and two female back-up singers, who sang the hook "backup" instead of "back-up" and remove comma after "singers"?
  • Cole performed the song with TLC at the 2013 iHeartRadio Music Festival in Las Vegas, standing as their first joint performance and the ... Possibly adding another comma before "and", as it is lengthy.
  • Cole wore a leather jacket and a hat facing backwards ... Singular "backward" instead of "backwards"?

Additional comments or concerns

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  • Adding ALT text for the infobox image?

The first skim-through was really nice! Onto a full read. Adog (Talk・Cont) 06:22, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply

  • In the lead, ... before he later sang it with ... might work better as ... later singing it with ...
  • In the section "Background" for ref 1., is there a way to provide a time stamp for these quotes? I do not know if a reader will sit through an 8-minute video to find this quote.
  • In the same section, the sentence: In his six-minute MTV documentary "Life & Rhymes: J. Cole - Crooked Smile" in October 2012, Cole detailed that he re-wrote the song's verses repeatedly to make it have a broader appeal than rap, rather than a song "about his smile or his teeth" is hard to follow. So I believe what the sentence is trying to say is that he re-wrote the song not only to have a wider appeal but also re-wrote it to have a song not just about his smile or changing the meaning of his lyrics. In any case, I would break this sentence into two.
  • In the same section, possibly wikilink the meaning of "seeing the light".
  • In the same section: The former was later released ... I would say: "Crooked Smile" was later released ...
  • In the section "Composition and lyrics", ... instead of being conformist. "instead of being a conformist"?
  • In the section "Release and reception", I got this suggestion on one of my GA reviews. I think it would help here too. The review section could be improved if you divide and introduce the review's themes or how the winds are turning. The first does have that sentence, introducing the acclaim for its lyrics. The second paragraph leads into another general review. An intro to the second paragraph about its themes might help it.

Well written + verifaiblity

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  • The article is overall well written, with only minor grammatical or sentence structure issues. The manual of style is followed properly. The article is verified by a variety of reliable sources. The reference layout seems good. There appears to be no original research. Spot checks were all perfect for this one. Copyright/plagiarism/paraphrasing I will get back to you once you complete it because Earwig is not loading at the moment. Adog (Talk・Cont) 15:55, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply

Broadness + focus + neutral

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  • The article is broad in scope with its themes and ideas but also focused well on the subject's content. The article is neutral, offering a fair analysis of the subject. Adog (Talk・Cont) 15:55, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply

Images + stability

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  • The images are relevant to the article's contents. The images are also filed properly with the Wiki-department. The article is stable, with no ongoing or active disputes. Adog (Talk・Cont) 06:22, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
  • @Kyle Peake: Alright, alright. This article was awesome! I only have minor suggestions on grammar and sentence structure, nothing bad for this review. The article was a good read as well. Got to learn more about J. Cole, and the process for the creation of this song. If you do not get back within 48 hours, I will put this article on hold for your convenience. :) Adog (Talk・Cont) 15:55, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
Adog I have gone over all of these now, please tell me if anything has not been implemented properly thanks for such a detailed review! --K. Peake 18:58, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
@Kyle Peake: Awesome! Earwig is finally working again. Mostly good. Spot checks on the sources highlighted. I would ask just to change the wording for this source for "breakfast with his daughter as Cole and his family celebrate the birthday of his sister", that source for "serves as the centerpiece to Born Sinner", and double check if these are in order for close paraphrasing. For these two instances, you could maybe do: "Flashes are shown of the agent with his daughter having breakfast as Cole celebrates his sister's birthday" and "serves as the focal point/core/synonym to Born Sinner". Other than that, ready the pass! Adog (Talk・Cont) 19:09, 14 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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