Talk:Curtis P. Iaukea/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 00:43, 24 January 2018 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:43, 24 January 2018 (UTC)

I'm copyediting as I read through; please revert anything I mess up.

• I'm confused by note 1. Isn't that exactly the same spelling used in the first sentence? Is there an alternative spelling?

Removed.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 04:02, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• Footnote 53 should be pp, not p.

Changed.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:55, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• You use "Iʻaukea" only a couple of times; most of the time it's "Iaukea". What's the reasoning behind which one you use where?

When using his full name at introduction and intro in birth section. Spelling wise it is easier to do without the okina but it is an important aspect of his Hawaiian surname.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:55, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

I'm not going to hold up GA for this, since neither spelling is technically wrong, but if you're not going to use the okina throughout I'd suggest either not using it at all in the text, and putting it in an explanatory footnote (which I think would be the best option), or putting it in the first sentence, as you have done, and explaining the usage in a footnote. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:12, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• Similarly, you use "Hawaiʻi" in the lead, and "Hawaii" elsewhere; shouldn't they be consistent?

Changed.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:55, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• How about a link in the lead from either "senator" or "Third District" to Hawaii Senate?

That article is for the state senate though not the territorial senate. I do link senate in the infobox to Hawaii Territorial Legislature (a redirect).--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:55, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• You list some of his many positions in the last paragraph of the lead, but you don't mention that he was Governor of Oahu. That's not a problem in itself, but I see that that's the office listed first in his infobox. Perhaps that should be lower in the infobox, or else that post should be mentioned in the lead?

• It is mentioned in the middle of the second paragraph.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:44, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

  My mistake. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:12, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• the king gave him the additional name Piʻehu in respect of his shyness and lighter skin complexion: could you give the meaning of Piʻehu, perhaps in a note, since it's evidently relevant?

• The comparison to Damon and Pythias sounds a bit like overblown rhetoric; can you justify it?

• It's what Albert Pierce Taylor wrote.

  Well, that doesn't mean it's not high-flown rhetoric. I would complain more about this at FAC, but here it's fine; you do attribute it as an opinion after all. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:12, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• The paragraph listing his different posts obviously can't be put in chronological order amongst the other paragraphs, but I think it would be worth separating the information about the governorship of Oahu and moving it down the page a bit, since from the timing he appears to have left that post when asked to go to the UK.

• He left that post mainly because Dominis wanted/needed the position back because the reform cabinet did away with the king's military titles and department. Technically, Iaukea was still governor during the jubilee.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:44, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

  It might be worth mentioning that, but it's not a big deal. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library)

• Why do you describe the Republic of Hawaii as "oligarchical"? From the article on the republic it appears that it was designed as a constitutional democracy.

• In reality it was not, since it concentrate power in the instigators who supported the overthrow. The suffrage was like ten percent of the island's population. Oligarchical is a pretty accepted adjective to describe the republic of Hawaii.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:44, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

• You have "agent of the Crown Land" and "agent of the Crown Lands"; I assume one is correct and the other should be made to match it, but I don't know which is right.

Changed.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 03:55, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

That's all I can spot. The article is in excellent shape and I expect to pass it once these minor points are addressed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:02, 24 January 2018 (UTC)

I'm going to go ahead and pass this for GA; the point about the name Piʻehu is outstanding but it's not enough to hold up promotion. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:12, 30 January 2018 (UTC)

That part is also addressed.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 04:17, 30 January 2018 (UTC)