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I reconstituted the first sentence in accordance with MOS:BIO.
I copied over the current version of {{infobox military person}} for its superior tabulation and clarity.
I moved the clarification of "Union" onto the same line as the now-truncated "United States" because due to line breaks the two either took up three lines at some resolutions, or appeared as "United States Union", which I'm sure was not the intention. Besides, "Union" is only a colloquialism and not an official name for anything, ergo the parentheses.
The article is so short already (in fact, a stub) that dividing the article into umpteen sections—even going so far as to generate a TOC on a stub article!—is overkill. Besides, I'm pretty sure a section consisting of an incomplete sentence and a blockquote would be frowned upon.
I replaced the expanded citation templates for a few reasons: (a) it's much easier (especially for newer editors) to find the distinctions between prose and references as opposed to having them all running together, and (b) WP:CITE discourages making such sweeping changes to a given article's templature formatting without first discussing it. I would certainly appreciate the courtesy of the latter given that I have a reason for the original.
Even though I didn't implement it originally, I added the "Actingmaster's mate" to the infobox; since you added Lakin's ship of assignment, which is a transient variable, the acting rank fits the same variable at-the-time.