Talk:Dayton Moore

Latest comment: 4 years ago by MWright96 in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit
GA toolbox
Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Dayton Moore/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:35, 30 March 2020 (UTC)Reply

Going to review this article. MWright96 (talk) 13:35, 30 March 2020 (UTC)Reply

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  

Infobox

edit
  • Don't think the year of Moore's graduation from George Mason is needed in the infobox
    • Removed

Lead

edit
  • "Dayton Moore (born February 17, 1967) is the general manager of the Kansas City Royals." - there's some information that I feel is missing from this portion of text such as Moore's nationality and that he is a baseball executive
    • Added
  • "Moore's began his baseball career" - {{xt|Moore's baseball career began}
    • Done
  • "Moore originally served in scouting department" - can be worded to say in the, in its or in the team's
    • Done

Early life

edit
  • "Moore was born on February 17, 1969" - Baseball Reference and the infobox state Moore was born in 1967 not 1969
    • Fixed, likely typo
  • "Moore claims to have watched the 1985 World Series in Kansas City from I-70." - Interstate 70 for non-American and baseball readers
    • Done
  • Wikilink undergraduate degree and master's degree
    • Done
  • "Moore received a master's degree in Athletic Administration from George Mason in 1992, and served as an assistant baseball coach at George Mason" - the close repetition of the university's name should be avoided
    • Fixed

Career

edit
  • "before his promotion in 2002 to director of player personnel development." - this can be written as either before his 2002 promotion to director of personnel development or before his promotion to director of player personnel in 2002
    • Used the first option
  • "The Kansas City Royals offered Moore a job as the team's general manager, and Moore took the job" - offered Moore employment
    • Done
  • "saying "I think the player has earned the opportunity to play professional baseball." [16]" - the space after the quote and the reference is not needed
    • Removed
  • "also help set the stage for the Royals' two World Series teams" - I believe there is a more formal way of wording the text in bold but cannot conjure it up
  • "After the Royals' World Series win, Moore signed another contract extension to remain with the Royals longer." - the team for longer.
    • Done

Personal life

edit
  • The word Christian doesn't need to be linked per MOS:OVERLINK
    • Removed links
  • "Moore is also the author of the book "More Than a Season", which describes Moore's efforts " - repetition of the word Moore('s)
    • Used his in the second instance

References

edit
  • All of the references that mention the dates on which they were publishes are better off mentioned in the article
    • Added date= parameters to all of the references that provided a date published
  • "Front Office Biographies - Dayton Moore" - the hyphen should be replaced by an en dash per MOS:DASH
    • Fixed
  • Reference 10 should mention that the Associated Press was the agency that provided ESPN with that story
  • Same issue as above for Reference 15
    • See above

@MWright96: - All points addressed. Hog Farm (talk) 17:52, 30 March 2020 (UTC)Reply