Talk:Death of Ms Dhu/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Drown Soda (talk · contribs) 22:28, 2 May 2018 (UTC)

Review

Lead

• The inquest also recommended the cessation of jailing people for unpaid fines and the introduction of a Custody Notification Scheme. Neither recommendation has been implemented.—I could be off-base, but should we give some sense of time here (i.e., "As of _______, neither recommendation has been implemented"? Maybe not totally necessary, but just a thought.

Background

• Minor point, but should her birthdate be included here--possibly in the lead as well? A Coroners Court report I came across lists her birthdate as 26 December 1991.
• The first paragraph is entirely un-cited except for the final sentence. It seems the SBS citation in the final sentence applies to everything that comes before it, but I would suggest implementing this citation immediately following the sentences that precede, especially those with quotes in them. The same applies for the second paragraph (i.e. mentions of past Dion Ruffin's criminal convictions, alleged abuse of Ms Dhu, etc.)

Deterioration and death

• Dhu complained of pain shortly after being placed in police custody.—Is there a known approximate time span between her arrest and when the pain started? "Shortly" could indicate within a matter of minutes or possibly hours depending on context. If unknown, this is not a huge problem, but I feel it should be clarified if the information is available.
• As with in the background section, some of the quoted passages in the second paragraph here should have the appropriate citations attributed to them directly after rather than all being located at the end (i.e. "Crying in pain ... tachycardic, grunting, dehydrated and had a pulse rate of 126 beats a minute." They did not take her temperature as they had a shortage of thermometers. Triage nurse Alyce Heatherington told police "this could be withdrawal from drugs".)

Coronial inquest

• The second paragraph has a large block with the same citation issue as the previous ones. Again, the citations are present, but appear to be located at the paragraph's end. I'd suggest just plugging these in after quoted sentences and purported factual information.

General

• Overall, this article is in very good shape; it's structured well, is informative, and provides a well-rounded view of the incident (as well as the cultural implications—lots of parallels to things that are happening in the U.S. right now). The main issue that I think needs to be addressed is the citation point I brought up in several of the sections. This is simply a matter of making sure citations are a bit more ubiquitous, especially in the case of sentences that feature direct quotes. It seems all the citations are already present in the article, so it's really only a matter of attributing them to sentences that do not have them.

--Drown Soda (talk) 22:28, 2 May 2018 (UTC)

Hi Drown Soda. Thanks so much for the review. I think I've got everything. I put her date of birth into the body but not the lead as I didn't think it was necessary there. Let me know if there are any further concerns. :) Freikorp (talk) 23:49, 2 May 2018 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.