Talk:Dee Duponte/GA1

Latest comment: 2 years ago by Eddie891 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 23:00, 3 January 2022 (UTC)Reply

can review

Prose and other miscellany

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(Apologies, got swamped with work this week)

  • A four paragraph lede feels like a lot for an article of this size (MOS:LEADLENGTH), could it be condensed at all?
    • I gave it a try. See what you think?
  • The sentence beginning "In 1948, she was" feels rather run-on-y to me. Could it be, perhaps, split up or rephrased? For instance, is "during an election campaign season" even needed, as it could well be garnered from context?
    • Rephrased to "In 1948, she was fired; she claimed that the firing was motivated by her support for her husband Harold Duponte's campaign to be County Attorney as a Democrat." Better, I think?
  • suggest reviewing for overlinks, I remoed links to education and secretary. Similar broad concept links are probably not needed
    • Overlinks are an Achilles' heel of mine. I appreciate the removals you made. I made a few others.
  • "Duponte went on to run" could this be quantified? Even if just "After being fired,"
    • Added!
  • What does "last-minute campaign" in this context mean? surely not literally last minute
    • Surely not, but the source isn't any more specific. Changed to "after beginning her campaign late in the election season" which I feel is less idiomatic while still being supported by the source. Made a similar change for both occurrences of "last-minute".
  • " Duponte served two terms in the Territorial House" suggest adding the term length
    • The source doesn't say, and I don't want to add original research
  • " a controversial figure" is there anything to add about the controvery? controversial to whom? for the actions the next sentence describes?
    • Clarified – what I have there now is all the source says on the subject
  • "difficulties caused by her" could this be elaborated upon at all?
    • I wish it could - but not with the source currently used, and I haven't been able to find a more detailed one on the subject, though that doesn't mean it isn't out there.
  • If we know how long the couple were married, suggest adding the approximate year of their marrieage earlier in the text.
    • Great suggestion! Done.

Just some thoughts, prose is generally fine. Nothing super major. Suggestions, all. Will be back with source check. Eddie891 Talk Work 02:55, 7 January 2022 (UTC)Reply

Thanks so much for reviewing, Eddie891, and please don't feel any rush – real life takes priority. I've made changes based on your suggestions and will look forward to the source check! ezlev (user/tlk/ctrbs) 04:23, 7 January 2022 (UTC)Reply
Happy with your changes to date. Eddie891 Talk Work 19:41, 9 January 2022 (UTC)Reply
Image seems licensed appropriately Eddie891 Talk Work 19:41, 9 January 2022 (UTC)Reply
I haven't found much that would substantially add Eddie891 Talk Work 19:45, 9 January 2022 (UTC)Reply
sources seem reliable Eddie891 Talk Work 19:45, 9 January 2022 (UTC)Reply