Talk:Desiree Akhavan

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Feelinblue2. Peer reviewers: Minniemousex3, Catlady25.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 20:00, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

Feedback for WGST 3812

Your article was very interesting to read and had all the relevant subheadings it required. It was written in a very neutral, clear tone. You also have a good amount of sources for this Wikipedia article, which shows that you have done some research on this filmmaker. In terms of improvements, I would recommend that you include a photo that identifies the article with the filmmaker in question. Some good sites to use would be Flickr or the Creative Commons website, which have a numerous amount of non-copyrighted photos that you can pick and choose from. For your sources, I would recommend browsing through Pro Quest or another journal database, to see if you can find some journal articles or books that talk more about Desiree's work in question. To make your Wiki article be more detailed, I would suggest elaborating more on the information presented, especially with the introduction of the different types of movies, that she has directed and written. In the Career section, appropriate behavior needs to be linked to the Wikipedia page for that topic. It was linked previously, but not in the second mention which states, "The role was offered to her after Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner saw her film Appropriate Behaviour". There were some minor grammar and spelling issues, like in the career section, "drawn", should be "draws", in the sentence that states, "She has stated she drawn inspiration from people such as Woody Allen, Todd Solondz, and Noah Baumbach". Overall, great progress so far! Minniemousex3 (talk) 23:30, 31 October 2018 (UTC)

Could use a second reading to correct small grammatical mistakes that linger in the article such as ending a sentence with "as a child." to then start the following sentence with "As a child..." Some of the sections, particularly filmography, do not flow very well as the sentences seem choppy. I would recommend elaborating certain things more instead of just explaining it in one sentence. For example, it would be nice if you wrote a little bit more about the relation between Desiree Akhavan and Lena Dunham and how she became a part of the HBO show Girls. You mention how she is best known for her film Appropriate Behaviour in your intro section but neglect to further elaborate on its impact on her career in the body of the text. This seems like something that could use more elaboration. Another smaller improvement could be to include the role she played in the films in which she acted in the filmography section. Mossadeghx (talk) 01:09, 11 January 2018 (UTC)

I really enjoyed the part of the article in 'Early life and education' where you speak on Akhavan's education and her connection with the United States. It was well written and appeared to be very well researched. I would recommend making sentences such as "In 2014, Akhavan's film Appropriate Behaviour, in which she plays..." less awkward by putting the two ideas of the sentence one after another, instead of putting a second thought in the middle of the sentence. You showed a great use of links in your article to other Wikipedia articles. I would really like to see a picture of Akhavan in your article to give it a more complete look. If possible, even a small amount more of information on her personal life would be fantastic to really shape her the readers knowledge of Desiree Akhavan as a person. Overall, really enjoyed your article! Catlady25 (talk) 16:32, 31 October 2018 (UTC)