Talk:Devin Townsend/GA1

GA Review

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I'm satisfied that all of the criteria have been met, with the exception of the following sourcing issues:

• DevyWorld is very suspect as a reliable source. Not only is it self-published, but some of the claims its being used to back up are made with a greater degree of certainty than in the original interview.
  • Yeah, that whole paragraph was a bad idea. I can't find any mention in any other source that he even went to college. I hate to have such little information about his childhood, but the information simply doesn't exist, so I removed it. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• I'm a little hesitant about reproductions of articles at the artist's official site. Have you seen the original publication?
  • I do have a copy of the Hard Rock article from 2000. I don't have a copy of the Hard Rock article from 1995, but it's only used for quotes from the artist, so that might be worth the benefit of the doubt. —Gendralman (talk) 00:50, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
    • All right, since you have the first, can you update the reference with the cite journal template? Would be good to make the conversion for all of the magazine article references...full details for print references are always good to have, and I can help with the ISSN and publisher info if you make the initial conversions. —Zeagler (talk) 23:55, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
• What makes Rock Eyes, Far Beyond Metal, The Right to Rock, Tartarean Desire, and Tripod (Grindkhaos) reliable sources?
  • Rock Eyes, Tartarean Desire, and Tripod were bad sources, I removed them. The Right to Rock was a live interview, I don't think it could've misrepresented him at all. Not sure about Far Beyond Metal, it is linked from the artist's site[1] if that's worth anything.
    • One would think, but it still gets questioned sometimes. I'll let it slide here, but be aware of this if you ever take the article to FAC. —Zeagler (talk) 23:55, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
• I'm getting errors at Alternative-Zine.com...you, too?
  • It's working for me now. —Gendralman (talk) 00:50, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

...and a couple WP:MOS issues:

• Consecutive wikilinks should be avoided. Consider delinking "multitracked" in front of "wall of sound". Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Devin Townsend was born in New Westminster, British Columbia on May 5, 1972." Comma after BC. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Townsend assembled a permanent lineup of Strapping Young Lad to record City..." Simon and Stroud are already linked earlier in the article.
  • I think these should be kept. They're mentioned in a different context earlier and people who only care about his work in SYL are going to jump right to that part. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Drummer Gene Hoglan and the rest of the band were dissatisfied..." Hoglan linked earlier. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Townsend credits the album, Strapping Young Lad, as an emotional response to the attacks of September 11, 2001 in the United States." Comma after 2001. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• There are inconsistencies in the capitalization of "the" in front of "Devin Townsend Band". Went with the ugly but official "The". —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Also, some prose suggestions:

• "His versatile vocal delivery ranges from screaming to singing, and his songwriting is similarly diverse in nature." Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "In 2007, Townsend disbanded both Strapping Young Lad and The Devin Townsend Band, in order to spend more time with his family and less time touring." Drop the second comma. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "At the age of 17, he taught at his teacher's studio for a year, until he finished school and then enrolled himself into (at) the University of Victoria." Removed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "He only attended one semester, at which point he "couldn't take it anymore", and dropped out to pursue his musical interests." Drop the second comma. Removed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "At the age of 19 he founded Grey Skies, his first major band." What constitutes a "major" band?
  • His first band that got significant attention. Reworded. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "In 1993, Townsend began writing material under the name Noisescapes, a project which he would later describe(d) as "just as violent as Strapping Young Lad." Also, move the period outside the quotation mark. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Townsend recorded a Noisescapes demo, and sent copies of it to various record labels." Also, drop the comma. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "While on tour with The Wildhearts, Townsend got in touch with Metallica's then-bassist Jason Newsted. Townsend and Newsted formed a short-lived thrash metal project known as IR8, featuring Newsted on vocals and bass, Townsend on guitar, and Tom Hunting of Exodus on drums." -> "While on tour with The Wildhearts, Townsend formed a short-lived thrash metal project with Metallica's then-bassist Jason Newsted. The band, known as IR8, featured..." Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

*"Despite his respect for Vai, he was not engrossed in the music, and was artistically hindered." I'm a little confused here...just during the time with Vai, or after as well? If just Vai, it seems this section is turning back the clock after you'd already moved on to The Wildhearts and IR8. If after, what would respect for Vai have to do with anything? Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 23:54, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

• "Despite getting multiple touring gigs with successful musicians, however..." 'Successful' is POV. Changed to "notable".
• "Townsend got his first successful deal..." What do you mean by successful here?
  • It succeeded (i.e. resulted in an actual product). Maybe there's a better word. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
    • How about "In (year), Century Media Records offered Townsend a contract to "make us some extreme albums". He agreed to a five-album deal with the record label and began his first solo project..." (Normally I'm not a fan of the 'In (year)' construction, but you use it so infrequently here that it's no problem.) —Zeagler (talk) 23:55, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
• "After the creation of the IR8 demo tape, Townsend and Jason Newsted had begun work..." 'Claimed" suggests we shouldn't believe them...how about 'announced'? Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

*"It received moderate reviews, with critics finding it inferior to City..." Moderate -> lukewarm? mixed? Also, you should probably name the chart on which it appeared. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 00:50, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

• "In May 2007, Townsend released Ziltoid the Omniscient, a tongue-in-cheek rock opera about a (the eponymous) fictional alien named Ziltoid." Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "He spent a year producing albums in absence of writing, but found it unrewarding and decided to 'pick up the guitar and just write.'" Move the period outside the quotation marks. Next sentence, too. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Townsend has designed his two main projects..." Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• " Townsend's solo material is known to blend(s) many genres and influences..." Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Townsend has drawn critical praise for his productions, which "are always marked by a sense of adventure, intrigue, chaotic atmospherics and overall aural pyrotechnics," according to Mike G. of Metal Maniacs." Comma outside quotation marks. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• "Townsend draws influence from a wide range of music genres, most prominently, but not exclusively, heavy metal." If it's most prominent, we can infer it's not exclusive. Fixed. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
• Last two sentences of the Discography section can be dropped. Done. Not sure I agree with you on this. —Gendralman (talk) 03:50, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

I was only familiar with Townsend from Sex & Religion, and this article gave me a lot of insight into who he is and what he's done. Nice work. Probably not that far from being a Featured Article, although your sources will be scrutinized much more heavily than I did here. Leave me a message on my talk page when you've addressed my concerns... —Zeagler (talk) 23:41, 26 May 2009 (UTC)

Everything not commented on this round can be considered sufficiently addressed. (Also: are you happy with the edit made by Maybe-a-poet today?) Back to you... —Zeagler (talk) 23:55, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

You've got yourself a good article. —Zeagler (talk) 01:36, 30 May 2009 (UTC)