Talk:English Springer Spaniel/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:53, 8 November 2009 (UTC) Evenin' all, I will begin reviewing this article, and massage the prose as I go. Please revert any changes I make where I inadvertently change the meaning. I will post queries below. Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:53, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

• The lead needs expanding. I might have a crack at this myself. Somewhere right at the beginning it needs to mention the breed exists in two forms.

• Expanded a little, but I'll go back tomorrow with a fresh head and try to make it grammatically flow better. Miyagawa (talk) 21:59, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

• Played some more with the opening paragraph, let me know what you think. Miyagawa (talk) 22:59, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

• The tone of the article veers in the direction of a pet manual or how-to manual. This is only subtle and can be tweaked fairly readily. I will try to illustrate with some diffs and might not take too much work. I think we've pretty much fixed

this now. Casliber (talk · contribs) 23:19, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

• Rage syndrome is intriguing - is there any more data on incidence "Rare" is a little subjective for my anxiety :) Any numbers at all would be helpful here.

• Expanded it a little with an extra line from the Rage syndrome article (which I put together after working on the Springer page), and added an important reference regarding the show/field lines. Miyagawa (talk) 21:58, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

• Do the issues in the Health section apply to show-bred, field-bred or both?

• Expanded first paragraph in Health section, including reference. Miyagawa (talk) 23:52, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

• The Description section sort of leaps into discussion about the forms without mentioning first. Had me momentarily confused. Might not be needed if lead is enlarged.

• Added additional lines to the start of the description section so it should flow better now. Miyagawa (talk) 23:25, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

• Like any breed described as "good with children", an English Springer Spaniel must be accustomed to children. - this needs rewording but an alternative is not leaping to mind for me ATM.

• Reading at it fresh for the first time in a while, I think we could probably lose that entire paragraph. It seems to be a combination of generic statements about dogs followed by some stuff about Springer Rage - which is covered better in the Rage Syndrome section. Its one of the paragraphs I had left alone when tweaking the article for GA, and I feel that I should have done something with it looking at it now. Miyagawa (talk) 22:07, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

• Sounds good to me..I am not too familiar with dog breeds (and never owned one until recently), and have been taken aback at the lack of decent neutral coverage of dog breeds online, so you're breaking new ground here. Have a play with the paragraph and I'll keep and eye on it. Casliber (talk · contribs) 23:12, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

• Removed the paragraph and swapped around the Rage syndrome section. Also swapped out another temperament paragraph for one I could properly reference. Miyagawa (talk) 23:44, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

• I am wondering whether the Famous English Springer Spaniels section can be converted into a paragraph of prose or two as there are some common themes - thus an opening statement such about "Skills in detecting explosives" would then precede two examples. Similarly some comment about the Bush family as well (?) Any others :)?

• Ended up going off on a complete tangent and changed the section to a new Sniffer Dogs section. Moved the presidential information to the Notable Springer Spaniels (formerly only Champions). Also means that both sections are now illustrated too. Miyagawa (talk) 22:36, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

• Might be good to have an image of each of the subbreeds in the infobox to really highlight the differences (?)

• Managed to find an image of both types on flickr and uploaded it to WMC. It's probably not high enough quality for an infobox image, so I've placed it in the description section for now instead. Miyagawa (talk) 23:49, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

Overall, well on the way to a GA. Some paragraphs could also do with some more inline referencing (prioritise statements concerning health issues here). Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:53, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

Okay, I think we're over the line here. Lead could be enlarged a little, and there could be a few more inline references sprinkled through the text, but not deal-breakers by any means. Nice work with the notable spaniels and sniffer dogs at the end. Casliber (talk · contribs) 02:48, 10 November 2009 (UTC)