Talk:Faselei!/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Alexandra IDV (talk · contribs) 19:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)

Will be reviewing this!--Alexandra^IDV 19:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)

Infobox

• Would recommend using the fair-use cover to its fullest by identifying who the two characters are (from some googling I'm guessing it's Shotaro and Dorothy?)
• Would also recommend adding alt text briefly describing the cover art (same goes for the screenshot) for the sake of readers with impaired vision
• The infobox says the game was released on the 29th, but the article body says the 22nd. I looked at Famitsu's online database, according to which the 22nd is the correct date.
• The article purports to be in British English and uses the "Use dmy" template to force the refs to display dates in DMY format. This makes a lot of sense given that the English-language release of this game was UK-exclusive, but the infobox (and later, the article body) uses an MDY format. I would change these instances for consistency (December 22→22 December).

Lead

• Looks fine

Gameplay

• [...] Chips to issue commands to the TS with it automatically carrying out those commands. unnecessarily repeats that we're talking about commands. I would suggest "[...] Chips to issue commands to the TS, which it automatically carries out."

Synopsis

• The Middle Eastern nation of Istar attempted to broker peace between the surviving nations, but its king was assassinated and his two sons end up in conflict. - is all of this part of a prologue/backstory/flashback? Because if so, the final it about the two sons should also be in past tense.
• The older son Aerbel establishes himself as dictator of Istar with the backing of the Syrian military, while the younger Kein leads the rebel faction. - some missing commas here ("the older son, Aerbel," and "the younger, Kein,"
• You already establish in the gameplay section that Shotaro is the main character, so you don't need to call him "protagonist" here.
• Does Shotaro "work with" Faselei or is he part of it? In the gameplay section you call him a member.
• Faselei successfully pushed back the Istar army unless this happens in a flashback, it should be in present tense.

Development

• I have a vague (possibly false?) memory of asking you this when reviewing another article, but I cannot recall which one or what the answer was, so bear with me: do we know why Matsuzo Machida was credited as Matzuso Itakura? Did he change his name or is this a pseudonym?
• It was directed by Matsuzo Machida [...] It was produced by Jun Mihara, - two short sentences with the same structure, one after another, makes for a choppy, stop-and-go reading experience. I would recommend combining these into one sentence.
• I feel similarly about The game was first announced in August 1999.[15] It was released in Japan on December 22, 1999.[16]
• Unconfirmed estimates place the number of UK copies in circulation at 5000 as of 2004. - considering it's been 17 years since this estimate, I would feel very justified in writing this in past tense: "Unconfirmed estimates placed the number of UK copies [...]"

Reception

• Link Pocket Gamer
• A Retro Gamer website article by Nick Thorpe called it [...] - this wording feels weird to me. Why is it important that it's an article on their website as opposed to one in the print magazine? And since we're naming the writer, I would suggest saying that it was Thorpe who called the game things rather than his article.
• In a different retrospective article on rare or overlooked video game titles in 2004, GMR [...] - you can skip "different", this one is by GMR and on a different topic, so obviously not the same article as the GameSpot one.

References

• Ref formatting isn't part of GAN criteria, but I will still mention that Sacnoth is a company and not in itself a creative work or publication, and should therefore not be written in italics in the references to their website; that you're not linking Pocket Gamer here either; and that you for the GameFan ref should use the volume and issue parameter to get it to display correctly.

Looks pretty good overall! I will put this on hold for the usual seven days (but do tell me if you need more time given the holidays etc)--Alexandra^IDV 22:17, 21 December 2021 (UTC)

@Alexandra IDV: I've addressed all the grammar/writing issues pointed out, fixed the GameFan reference, and de-italized Sacnoth. Can't link to that Pocket Gamer as it's a different short-lived entity that predates it and didn't last very long. And as to your question, Machida is a pseudonym but his professional and more common one (he still uses it on his Twitter), while Itakura appears to be his real name. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:04, 22 December 2021 (UTC)

Thank you for your responses! I will go ahead and promote the article now.--Alexandra^IDV 18:14, 22 December 2021 (UTC)