Talk:First inauguration of Barack Obama/GA1

Latest comment: 15 years ago by Hunter Kahn in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Hey Tony. As I discussed with you before, I'm going to review this one; this is my first ever GAN review, so let me know if I miss anything. So far, it seems to fit the Good article criteria, although I still have to read from "Retaking the oath" on. However, I have some suggestions that I can pass along now. For the most part, the article looks really good to me; I actually haven't found ANY grammatical problems yet at all. Most of my stuff below is citation stuff, which should be easy to fix, although I do start with some content related stuff... --Hunter Kahn (talk) 08:09, 8 February 2009 (UTC)Reply

Now, on to the easy stuff...

From the intro

From "Train ride: Commemorating Lincoln"

  • Unless I'm missing it, the first source here has no reference to the 10 a.m. or 11 a.m. references you include. (The source DOES include one for the 11:30 a.m. reference.) I know I'm already being a stickler with the citations, but could you find and include one that does have those times? If you can't find one, I'd just take them out altogether and put in that he left in the morning or something; it's not really a crucial detail.
  • The CNN story in the next citation has a mention of fans shouting "I love you Obama," and him replying "I love you back." I know this is hardly important but it is kind of a cute detail (cute enough to make the headline of the story, anyway). Do you think it should be tossed into the article?
  • There are other cool little details in the freep story that you might consider tossing in, like how 40 everyday Americans were invited along, the food drives and the extreme security.
    • O.K.
  • What is the source for Lincolns train "stopping in 70 places along the way?"

From "Concert at the Lincoln Memorial: We Are One"

  • How about adding a {{main|We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial}} tag to the top of the "Concert at the Lincoln Memorial: We Are One" section? If you're opposed to it I won't stand by this suggestion, but I think it would be appropriate.
  • There is no citation after the sentence about all the musical performances. Unless you are counting the citations in the first sentence of the next paragraph, but if that's the case, a number of the performers ( Mary J. Blige, Jon Bon Jovi, Renee Fleming, Caleb Green, Herbie Hancock, Heather Headley, Bettye Lavette, Jennifer Nettles, Pete Seeger, will.i.am.) are not mentioned in those sources. HOWEVER, this site names them all and is a legitimate source, so could you toss that in as a source after all the performers?
  • Not to be a stickler, but in the sentence about the celebrity speakers, neither of the two sources refer to the following speakers: Jack Black, Steve Carell, Rosario Dawson, Tom Hanks, Ashley Judd, Laura Linney, George Lopez, Kal Penn, Marisa Tomei, Forest Whitaker, Tiger Woods. Once again, however, the site I mentioned above has them all, so you can toss that in as a source and you're covered.

From "Kids' inaugural: 'We Are the Future'"

From "Unofficial pre-inaugural events"

From "Inauguration events: Summary

From "Inaugural ceremony: 'A New Birth of Freedom'"

  • I'm not seeing citations for "The oath of office for Vice President Biden was followed by the first playing of four ruffles and flourishes and "Hail, Columbia."" or "which also delayed the administering of the oath that finished around 12:05 p.m. EST (17:05 UTC)," although it's entirely possible I'm missing them somewhere.

I'll finish up the rest of this ASAP.

--Hunter Kahn (talk) 08:09, 8 February 2009 (UTC)Reply


Here's the rest...

From Inaugural luncheon

From Inaugural parade

From Post-inaugural events: Inaugural balls

From Unofficial balls

From Attendance: Guests

  • In your mentions of Maggie Obama and Said Obama's attendance, maybe you'll want to add that fact that Obama's half-brother Malik Obama was also there. Malik is mentioned in the sources you cite.
  • Suggest rewording this: "To address complaints by the ticket holders who were prevented from gaining entry to view the inaugural ceremony, Senator Dianne Feinstein, chair of the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies, launched an investigation into the matter." into this: "Senator Dianne Feinstein, chair of the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies, launched an investigation to address complains by the ticket holders who were prevented from gaining entry to view the inaugural ceremony."
  • Drop the phrase "to be distributed to the disappointed ticket holders" from the sentence: "The commemorative items to be distributed to the disappointed ticket holders would include a copy of the swearing-in invitation and program, photos of President Obama and Vice President Biden and a color print of the inaugural ceremony." You already established they were disappointed ticker holders in the previous sentence. Also in that sentence, change "would include" to "included."

From Crowd estimates

From Security

From Internet traffic

From International attention: Europe"'

  • "Ireland toasted the inauguration of Obama with whiskey, bread and even a radio station renamed in his honor. Distant relatives gathered in Moneygall, County Offaly, where Obama's ancestors lived during the 1800s, while the Democratic Party faithful living in Ireland threw a bash in Dublin." This is word for word taken from the source. Could you reword it a bit to avoid any plagurism accusations?

From See also

--Hunter Kahn (talk) 03:11, 9 February 2009 (UTC)Reply

Passed. Very nice!