Talk:Frank Callan/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 01:23, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: EnthusiastWorld37 (talk · contribs) 13:05, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

Shall review EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 13:05, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

Lead

• "and argued that technique should be tailored to players." - techniques
• "Callan was acknowledged as the leading snooker coach." - please state by whom

Early life and career

• "Callan won the Fleetwood and District Amateur Snooker Championship in 1950. It was the first time he had entered the competition." - I believe that these two sentences could be merged together by shortening and rewording the second
• "receiving 21 points start in each frame," - receiving a 21-point start in
• "His most notable tournament win" - how about victory?

Coaching

• The first mention of the term cue could do with being wikilinked to cue stick
• "He was renowned" - attribution please
• "with a players technique" - player's
• I might be wrong but I believe that Commonwealth Club in the prose is the club mentioned in Blackpool Mecca. If that is the case, it can be wikilinked to there

• Good spot - I found this BBC article that confirms it.

• The word tables in the sentence "Callan was impressed that Davis was researching the quality of the various tables at the club before playing in a competition there" can be wikilinked to Billiard table
• "and Parrot was champion in 1991." - typographical error denoted in bold
• "However, a few years laterGriffiths reduced his engagement with Callan," - How many years later exactly? Do we know?

• According to Griffiths' autobiography, he started working with Callan in 1985 (p.119); the book was published in 1989 and Griffiths wrote "I have not been going to see Frank quite so much in the past year or so." (p.121)

• "like the ideal length" - such as
• "deal length for Griffith's cue action." - Griffiths's
• "After winning the UK title, Mountjoy said "Without Frank Callan, I would be nothing" - this sentence is missing a full stop

• I added punctuation (after the quote mark, as there is a comma after "nothing" in the original)

• "rather than tailored approach" - rather than a

Reference

• The reference with the title "Crucible champions: Every World Snooker Championship winner profiled including Alex Higgins, Ronnie O'Sullivan and Stephen Hendry" is missing the access date

That is what I found on the first pass. On hold EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 18:32, 28 September 2024 (UTC)

• Many thanks, EnthusiastWorld37. I've amended the article as per your comments above. Please et me know if anything else is needed. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:38, 29 September 2024 (UTC)
  • @BennyOnTheLoose: Am satisfied with the changes. The article can be promoted to GA status EnthusiastWorld37 (talk) 19:57, 30 September 2024 (UTC)