Talk:Freddy Galvis/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Coemgenus (talk · contribs) 12:03, 30 March 2015 (UTC)

If the Phillies aren't going to have a good season, they may as well have some good articles. I'll review this one over the next couple days. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:03, 30 March 2015 (UTC)

Checklist

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Comments

Lede

• Should probably link PEDs.
• "potentially a candidate" could probably just be "potentially" or "a candidate", not both.

Early life

• A pet peeve: "before" is almost always better than "prior to". If you disagree, that's fine, I certainly won't hold this up over such a minor point, but I think it improves the writing.

Minor league career

• "Galvis participated in the Florida Instructional League in 2006 before he began his professional career in 2007..." Two issues here. Is the Florida Instructional League not professional? Also: the sentence is long, would be better as two sentences.
• "The subsequent May..." sounds strange. Maybe "The following May..." Or ""That May..."
• "Subsequently, Galvis was promoted to the Triple-A...." It might be better just to say when he was promoted. Like "In June [or whenever it was], Galvis was promoted...."

Major league career

• "...eventually diagnosed as a Pars fracture in his back." To avoid saying "diagnosed" twice in the same sentence, I'd change this to "discovered to be" or something similar.

Player profile

• "...Phillies' writer Michael Baumann,..." You already introduce Baumann in the previous paragraph.

Personal life

• "...ostensibly susceptible..." "Ostensibly" stands out here, probably because you used it already in an earlier paragraph. Maybe "thought to be" is a good substitute?

•  Fixed Thanks for the speedy review. All were great suggestions. Go Phightins! 13:50, 30 March 2015 (UTC)
  • Wow, this was a quick one. I can't see anything else that needs fixing. Nice work. Let's go Phils! --Coemgenus (talk) 14:10, 30 March 2015 (UTC)