Talk:Funso Ojo/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: LunaEatsTuna (talk · contribs) 01:53, 15 August 2023 (UTC)

Hey! Will review within a week. ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 01:53, 15 August 2023 (UTC)

There we are! I have left my comments below. ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 20:18, 16 August 2023 (UTC)

@EchetusXe: Sorry for the wait, I became unexpectedly busy recently. Reference formatting is not part of the GA criteria so I can pass this article but remember to change the Google Translate URLs to their originals. Other than that, I am very happy with the changes (especially to § personal life) and can now confidently pass this article for GA status. Congrats! ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 23:48, 21 August 2023 (UTC)

Copyvio check

Earwig says good to go.

Prose

• The apostrophes are probably not needed for Green Football Weekend.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• Do we have any sources saying how he got into football? If joining PSV Eindhoven was his introduction, do the sources say who convinced him to go, if he wanted to go himself etc.? Would be interesting.

• In the first paragraph of § Club career, 'he' is used quite a lot successively. Interchange between using Ojo and 'he' here like the rest of the article.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• Would the sentence starting "He had previously come through the youth ranks" not make more sense at the start of § Club career? Also:
  • Yeah that is confusing and I've tried to clear that up now.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• You used 15 last time; either both or neither should be written, for consistency.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• I would split "and became a free agent" into its own sentence, i.e. "with new manager Jacky Mathijssen. Ojo became a free agent" – this reads less jaggedly IMO.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• Is the hyphen necessary in "youth-team"?
  • No.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "He underwent ankle surgery" – recommend using Ojo here.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "Ojo believed" – recommend using he here
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "Scunthorpe disputed whether Ojo could do this" – how come?
  • I've rewrote that.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
    • Looks good! ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 19:29, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
• "in the region of £125,000" – recommend "around £125,000" for formality.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "footballing reasons" is quite vague; did McInnes specify upon this at all or not really?
  • I've rewrote that.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
    • Nice work. ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 19:29, 21 August 2023 (UTC)
• "He played 16 Scottish Premiership" – should be Ojo here as someone else was mentioned last.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• I would probably wikilink hamstring for unfamiliar readers.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• Change "Boxing day" to 26 December for non-European readers. Also, I do not think the holiday itself is relevant here.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• "Vale Park on 24 January" – change to 24 January 2023. Also:
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
• he is used successively about six times in this paragraph.
  • Okay.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)

Lastly:

• § Early and personal life is a bit awkward to me since it consists largely of personal life content, which is usually at the bottom of biographies. Hmm, is it possible to merge his birth into § Club career and the rest into a new § Personal life-type section at the bottom of the article merged with § Style of play (as this section is also short but career relevant to the not guilty plea?). If it looks bad than ignore this suggestion! I mainly find it strange that the article opens up with a not guilty plea related to his football career before the reader can read about his actual career. Alternatively, could the plea sentence be merged into § Aberdeen?
  • Okay sure, I've moved and split up the early and personal life section.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
    • Great! ツ LunaEatsTuna (💬)— 19:29, 21 August 2023 (UTC)

Refs

Passes spotcheck on refs 5, 8, 21, 22, 33, 42 and 54. Nice work!

• Ref 1 appears to be a dead URL
• There are numerous Google Translate links when they should be the originals

Other

• Recommend adding template:use X English (optional)

• • Thank you!.--EchetusXe 14:23, 17 August 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.