Talk:Günther Lützow/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Peacemaker67 (talk · contribs) 05:50, 9 December 2015 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	what do you mean by the sentence The bomber crews had demanded to see the fighter escorts.? That the bomber crews wanted to see the fighters escort them more closely? It isn't clear. reworded MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:33, 11 December 2015 (UTC) in the section War against the Soviet Union, it needs a bit more info about why he was grounded. Then suddenly he is flying again. It jars a bit. I assume it was because they didn't want such a decorated pilot to be killed, but is there a source that explicitly says that? reworded MisterBee1966 (talk) 08:02, 11 December 2015 (UTC) I think Jagdfliegerführer Oberitalien needs translation in parentheses. done MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:33, 11 December 2015 (UTC) in the lead and Aerial victory credits section there is a reference to one four-engined bomber. I suggest deleting this, as it is a confusing formulation which could be read as meaning that he had accrued victories while flying a four-engined bomber. I reworded this, see if this works now MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:56, 11 December 2015 (UTC)
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	I suggest removing the ref= fields from the books in the Further reading section, the fairly commonly used script I use shows them as having no citation pointing to them done MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:35, 11 December 2015 (UTC)
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	given he was not a participant, the bombing of Guernica info could be condensed to one sentence eg On 26 April 1937, air elements of the Condor Legion targeted and bombed Guernica, but Lützow did not participate in the attack as he was on home leave from 8–29 April 1937. I understand your point. I was guided by the following thoughts. In Germany, the bombing of Guernica is perceived to be a war crime. Since Lützow's 2nd squadron (although he was on vacation he still was their squadron commander at the time) was actively involved in the killing, I thought it was smart to be more verbose in this instance as to the details of this alleged war crime. MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:49, 10 December 2015 (UTC) I get it, I think you could clarify that and make it more obvious why you think it needs to be included by using my suggested formulation and finding a source that says it was a war crime and attributing it inline. eg On 26 April 1937, air elements of the Condor Legion targeted and bombed Guernica,{{cite}} an attack which has been characterised as a war crime by ←insert source's name here→,{{cite}} but Lützow did not participate in the attack as he was on home leave from 8–29 April 1937.{{cite}} See what I mean? good suggestion, reworded MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:54, 11 December 2015 (UTC) reads well now. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 08:02, 11 December 2015 (UTC)
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.	On hold for seven days for comments to be addressed Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 02:38, 11 December 2015 (UTC) Passing now. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 11:07, 13 December 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for the copy edit and suggestions made. Cheers MisterBee1966 (talk) 08:02, 11 December 2015 (UTC)