Talk:George S. Patton slapping incidents/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Diannaa (talk · contribs) 04:21, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

Hi Ed! I will take on this review. It looks like a nicely constructed article on an interesting topic.

Prose

• I have taken the liberty of doing some copy edits while studying the prose; please check and make sure everything is still okay and that I have not altered the meaning or anything. Thanks. Here's some stuff I need your input on:
• " .... after finding them at evacuation hospitals" It sounds so random. Can you re-word this? how about "when he discovered they were patients at evacuation hospitals"?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 20:45, 5 January 2013 (UTC)
• "Battle fatigue" is not a concept, but a medical condition. Can you re-word this (in the lead)?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 20:45, 5 January 2013 (UTC)
• The last sentence of the lead is too long and difficult to parse, probably because it contains three different ideas. Can you split it up please?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 20:45, 5 January 2013 (UTC)
• "Seeking to promote an image that inspired his troops, Patton was known for his flashy dress, highly polished helmet and boots, and no-nonsense demeanor as a way to create a larger-than-life personality." There's something wrong with the grammar here; I suggest "As a way to promote an image that inspired his troops, Patton created a larger-than-life personality. He became known for his flashy dress, highly polished helmet and boots, and no-nonsense demeanor."
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 20:45, 5 January 2013 (UTC)
• Material inside the {{quotation}} templates should not be enclosed in quotation marks.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• What is a clearing company? Should this be explained, or do you think most of your readers will know?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• Please put a template around the temperature, so it will be converted to Celsius.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• Add a non-breaking space in front of each ellipsis.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• Direct quotes should have a citation immediately following. ( "could not sleep and was nervous.")
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• Links should not be placed inside direct quotations ("firing squad")
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "Patton left the tent, continuing to yell to medical officers to send Bennett back to the front lines" In this sentence and the one that follows, the word "continued" appears three times. Please re-word
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• please link Lieutenant general (United States) (Bradley)
  • Already linked in the "background" section. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "On 20 August, Patton received a cable from Eisenhower regarding the arrival of Major General John P. Lucas at Palermo that evening with a message, telling Patton it was "highly important" that he meet Lucas personally as quickly as possible." I'm having trouble following this sentence. Was there a message in the cable? of course there was. Can you re-word please? See if this works: "On 20 August, Patton received a cable from Eisenhower advising him that Major General John P. Lucas would be arriving at Palermo that evening. Eisenhower said it was "highly important" that Patton meet with Lucas as soon as possible."
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "He was also ordered by Eisenhower to deliver a secret letter and investigate its allegations." Who was the letter to be delivered to? What did the letter contain? It's not clear, even when I read the quotation that follows, so it needs to be described a bit more please.
  • Fixed. 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "On 22 August he met with Currier as well as all the doctors and nurses who had witnessed the events in each unit and expressed regret for "impulsive actions," and related to them the story of a friend from World War I who had committed suicide after "skulking," stating he sought to prevent such future tragedies." This sentence is too long, containing three ideas. Can you split it up please?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "As word of the actions had spread informally among troops of the Seventh Army, between 24 and 30 August, Patton then drove to each division under his command ..." Did word spread between 24 and 30 August, or did Patton drive between 24-30 August? How about this: As word of his actions had spread informally among troops of the Seventh Army, Patton spent the last week of August visiting each division under his command ..."
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• I'm seeing a lot of the word "reportedly". Either you trust your sources, or you don't.
  • This comes from my training as a journalist. I want to use this word to ensure there isn't any attempt to editorialize or include opinions or sensationalism. Aiming for the most neutral wording possible, especially in an article with BLP implications. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "The news reporters who had sent their report demanded that Patton be fired in exchange for killing the story, a demand which Eisenhower refused." What does this mean? Had the stories already been filed?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "appealing to the country that he felt deeply for the men under his command" This sounds more like a statement than an appeal. Please re-word
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• "called Patton's actions a "despicable incident"" The tenses don't agree; how about "described it as a "despicable incident"" or some such?
  • Fixed. That's everything. —Ed!^(talk) 03:15, 6 January 2013 (UTC)

Images

• Pictures should be standard size.
• All images check out fine for licensing. Layout is okay.

More tomorrow. -- Dianna (talk) 06:12, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

Sources

• The ISBNs should all have dashes or none should have dashes. My preference (being a librarian ) is for them to have dashes. There's a tool at http://www.isbn.org/converterpub.asp that can add the dashes for you if you wish (this is not required to pass GA). Placing a dash after the 978 is an incorrect way to format the ISBN-13s.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:31, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• Citations must be in numerical order. The instance I noticed is [33][32], but if you could check for this throughout, that would be awesome.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:31, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• Book titles should be upper-case on the first letter of each word. ie, General Patton: A soldier's life becomes General Patton: A Soldier's Life. Corrections required for Hirshson, Nimmo, and Sweeney.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 03:31, 6 January 2013 (UTC)
• Location please, for Province, Charles M. (2009), The Unknown Patton. You can get this information from Worldcat http://www.worldcat.org/ or from the original book if you still have it about. For the other books, just link the location on the first occurrence. "New York City, New York" is a redirect to New York City.
  • Fixed. I thank you for your review! —Ed!^(talk) 03:31, 6 January 2013 (UTC)

Final checks

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): All prose issues above have been addressed; I have done two rounds of copy edits and am satisfied that the prose meets the GA standard.

   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): Citations are elegantly presented using short-style Harvard notation; bibliography is in nice shape, with all required information and correctly formatted

   b (citations to reliable sources): Source materials are high-quality texts; spot checks revealed no copyright violations or too-close paraphrasing.

   c (OR): Opinions expressed in the article are drawn from the sourced commentary about the event; no original research was found when spot-checks were performed.

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): I verified the images are properly licensed and available for free use.

   b (appropriate use with suitable captions): Images have informative captions that meet the style guidelines

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Slapping Incident and Anti-Semitism

the soldier General George S.Patton slapped was of Jewish descent and that Patton called him a yellow-bellied or yellow-streaked Jew http://books.google.com/books?id=RRolDuahqPMC&pg=PA791&dq=patton+yellow+bellied+jew&hl=en&sa=X&ei=TShoUbrOKPe24APo-YHIBQ&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=patton%20yellow%20bellied%20jew&f=false --Gary123 (talk) 15:39, 12 April 2013 (UTC)

Please re-read the source you cited. The rumor came from a writer for the New York Daily News named O'Donnell alleging a secret conspiracy by Jews in the Administration of trying to sack Patton. O'Donnell later had to retract his statement. I wouldn't bother mentioning it since he's the only one expressing this viewpoint and there's no evidence Patton had anything against Jews. I'm glad you brought it up on the talk page, though. Chris Troutman (talk) 16:01, 6 June 2013 (UTC)

That " "Probable" anti-Semitic component of Patton's behaviour " part comes from a source that relies on word-of-mouth and sounds completely libelous and out of place in a featured article... Smarkflea (talk) 21:38, 9 July 2013 (UTC)