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Talk:Girl Gone Wild/GA1

< Talk:Girl Gone Wild
Latest comment: 10 years ago by SNUGGUMS in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 10 years ago9 comments3 people in discussion
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Reviewing

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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 16:49, 12 July 2014 (UTC)Reply


Overview

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Prose: See below

Sourcing: See below

Coverage: See below

Neutrality: See below

Stability: No issues

GA Result: Failed. I'm afraid this nomination was rather premature given the extensive prose and reference issues. Before renominating, this should go through peer review and/or GOCE.

Details

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Lead
  • Since there is no other page called "Girl Gone Wild", no need for a DAB
  • "In July 2011, Madonna started to record material for the album"..... this belongs in just a "background" or "recording" section
  • "She then enlisted record producer Benny Benassi to work with her on the project" → "She co-produced the song with Benny Benassi"
  • How come Alle Benassi is listed in the infobox but not in the lead? All songwriters and producers should be noted within the lead.
  • "while its composition is similar to Madonna's previous singles 'Music', 'Hung Up', and 'Jump'"..... not everyone reading this article is going to automatically know what those songs are like, so let's give a more detailed description here
  • "Joe Francis, the creator of a franchise of the same name"..... to be frank, "Girl Gone Wild" and "Girls Gone Wild" aren't exactly the same name..... let's go with "Joe Francis, creator of the 'Girls Gone Wild' series"
  • "The singer's representatives stated that Madonna" → "Madonna's representatives stated that she"
  • "It debuted and peaked at number 38 on US Pop Songs due to radio airplay, becoming her first album since Music to have two singles to chart there"..... the bit after "radio airplay" belongs in the MDNA page, not here
  • "The song also peaked at the top of the Hot Dance Club Songs chart, becoming Madonna's 42nd chart topper" → "The song also became her 42nd song to top the Billboard Hot Dance Club Songs chart"
  • "glamorous" in "male models in different glamorous looks" is POV
  • I'm not convinced everyone will know what "boldness" in "It received critical acclaim for the editing, choreography, boldness" refers to
  • "was performed as the opening number during The MDNA Tour"..... opening track would be better
Background and release
  • "On July 4, 2011, Madonna's manager Guy Oseary announced that the singer"..... her manager..... announced she
  • "Numerous" in "Among the numerous collaborators" isn't really needed
  • The first paragraph and Madonna quote state that Alle Benassi is Benny Benassi's cousin while the photo caption and second paragraph states they are brothers, please be consistent
  • "A few demos produced by him"..... let's give a name here
  • "who was attracted to the lyrics"..... try something like "who liked the lyrics" or "who was pleased with the lyrics" or "who found the lyrics appealing"
  • "Two tracks from those sessions, 'Girl Gone Wild' and 'I'm Addicted', was included"..... were included
  • "the singer was interviewed by Ryan Seacrest and confirmed that 'Girl Gone Wild' would be released" → "the singer confirmed to Ryan Seacrest that 'Girl Gone Wild' would be released"
  • How about some detail on where speculation first came from that Britney Spears would be featured on the song?
  • "while it was commercially available for digital download from March 2, 2012 at the iTunes Store" → "while it became available for digital download from iTunes on March 2, 2012"
  • "wearing lingerie by British retailer Agent Provocateur"..... let's be more specific, English retailer
  • "It got a positive review from Kyle Anderson of Entertainment Weekly" → "Kyle Anderson of Entertainment Weekly praised its cover"
  • Link Billboard (magazine)
  • "she concluded"..... he- Gregory DelliCarpini, Jr. is male, not female
Potential lawsuit
  • "On February 4, 2012 controversy arose"..... there needs to be a comma between "2012" and "controversy"
  • See above note in lead regarding franchise name
  • "The claims between the song and the franchise was apparently as follows"..... "as follows" isn't very encyclopedic, and try to find a more definitive answer than "apparently"
  • "However, it was publisher by the National Football League (NFL) in their magazine" → "However, the National Football League (NFL) revealed"
  • The "finally" in "Finally, the song title was slightly modified" doesn't seem very encyclopedic
  • TMZ (ref#12) is not a reliable source
  • "He continued to state that he will pursue new legal action"..... He added that he would pursue- this was quite a while ago
  • Remove "about" from "Madonna was not aware of a lawsuit or about Francis"
  • "although she did not in the end"..... not very encyclopedic, try "though she did not perform the song that day"
Recording and composition
  • See above note in "Background and release" regarding Alle and Benny Benassi
  • "produced by the latter and Madonna" → "produced by the Benassis and Madonna"
  • "Demacio 'Demo' Castellon, who represented The Demolition Crew group, was responsible for recording and mixing the track"..... kinda lengthy, let's keep it simple with something like "Demacio 'Demo' Castellon recorded and mixed the track"
  • "Philippe Weiss and Graham Archer assisted Castellon on the recording, while Angie Teo assisted on the mixing"..... assisted with
  • Remove "Lastly" from "Lastly Stephen 'The Koz' Kozmeniuk did the additional editing of the song and arranged the vocoder"
  • "Benassi recalled"..... Alle or Benny?
  • "would work till"..... work until
  • "Together they fixed the production"..... there needs to be a comma between "Together" and "they"
  • "According to Benassi"..... again, be more specific
  • Unlink Billboard
  • "Common time" should link to Time signature
  • PopDust (ref#27) is not a reliable source
Critical reception
  • Frankly, the Cyndi Lauper pic isn't needed
  • "returning back to the dance genre, adding that the elecctro"..... electro, and the review doesn't actually say anything about "returning back to the dance genre"
  • ref#30 (MSN music) is dead
  • "felt the single did not live up to expectations"..... what expectations, exactly?
  • "Copsey found it wasn't as"..... avoid contractions unless part of a quote or title
  • Remove "magazine" from "Alex Macpherson from Fact magazine"
  • "panned the track saying"..... needs comma after "track"
  • "shallow, effective club fodder" should be in quotation marks
  • The Quietus should not be italicized as it is an online-only publication
Chart performance
  • refs #60 and #61 (Gaon Music Chart) are both dead
  • With #1 on Hot Dance Club Songs for United States being included, how about including specifics for other high chartings within top ten of other countries?
Music video
Background and development
  • "would be filmed on the week of February 17, 2012"..... during the week
  • "Oseary confirmed over Twitter"..... through Twitter
  • "they danced in high-heels but were extremely masculine as well"..... let's include some detail on how they were "extremely masculine"
  • International Business Times should not be italicized as it is an online-only source.
  • "The enlisting of Kazaky was confirmed through a tweet by dancer Jonte, who learned it from the video's choreographers, Napoleon and Tabitha"..... something about this simply doesn't read very well
  • "Madonna also cast male models Brad Alphonso, Jon Kortajarena, Rob Evans, Sean O'Pry, and Simon Nessman"..... either this is an incomplete sentence, or "cast" could be replaced with "enlisted"
  • See above note in "Background and release" regarding Agent Provocateur
  • "60s style" → "1960s style"
  • "Glamorous" in "was dedicated to the singer's glamorous looks" is POV
Release and synopsis
  • "The full video was premiered on E! News on March 20, 2012, and was made available on their website shortly after" → "The full video debuted on E! on March 20, 2012, and became available online shortly afterwards"
  • "Shot completely in black-and-white, 'Girl Gone Wild' music video"..... the music video
  • "It is not plot-driven"..... doesn't seem very encyclopedic
  • "During the second verse, Madonna is surrounded by the male models who are almost nude, as she sings the song" → "While Madonna sings the second verse, she is surrounded by the male models, who are almost nude"
Analysis and reception
  • ref#79 (Huffington Post) is dead
  • "E! Online contributor" → "E! contributor"
  • Three photos in one spot seems excessive, one or two would be better
  • "praised the video saying"..... needs a comma after "video"
  • How about mentioning who won the awards at the International Dance Music Awards that this video was nominated for?
Live performance
  • This section should read "Live performances"
  • See above note in lead section regarding "opening number"
  • "wanted to play on with the concept"..... I think experiment with or incorporate the concept would be better
  • "Also present during the performance were moving blocks and contortionist dancers dressed up as evil-looking gargoyles"..... "evil-looking" is POV, and this would read better as something like "Moving blocks and contortionist dancers dressed as gargoyles were also included in the performance"
  • Link Kitty Empire
  • "the former Mrs Ritchie"..... need a period after "Mrs"
  • "Birmingham Mail" (ref#106) isn't a very good source
Charts and certifications
Certifications
  • See above note in "Chart performance" section regarding ref#61
Release history
  • ref#154 (FMBQ) is not displaying anything about this song
References
@SNUGGUMS: thanks for the detailed review. I hoped you would have given me a chance to correct it rather than failing it. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 05:43, 15 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
You're quite welcome. Sorry for not giving you a chance to make corrections, and I completely understand how you feel, but there were simply too many problems when I reviewed the article. However, reviewers fail nominations when the concerns are extensive. Better luck next time. SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 11:59, 15 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
@SNUGGUMS: Once again, periodicals do not require a publisher, regardless of 'consistency' in references, which is completely absurd. It's not mandatory; you need to stop including those points on your GA reviews... pedro | talk 21:25, 17 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
In this case, this had some wrong names listed under publishers. SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 21:30, 17 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
@SNUGGUMS: another point also which I had explained to you in another GA review. Publishers should be listed correctly when the article/text was published accordingly. For Idolator articles published in 2012, publisher should be Buzz Media, not Spin Media. For Billboard articles published before 2010 and after 1991, publisher should be Nielsen Business Media, not Prometheus. For Digital Spy, publisher is the UK office of Hearst and it is called Hearst Magazines UK. Do not go blindly by what the Wikipedia articles are listing as publishers, they are incorrect most of the times. Please go to the bottom of the website of the aritcles and there you can see the correct publishers being listed. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 12:39, 18 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
Buzz Media renamed itself to Spin Media (though they did this in 2013). As for Hearst Magazines UK, it's a subsidiary of Hearst Corporation. You don't need to worry about me "going blindly" by what wiki articles say, though. For example, I checked Sun-Sentinel's website and it confirms that Howard Greenberg has been the publisher since 2007. SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 14:31, 18 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
Snuggums, I know they renamed to Spin Media. But the article was written in 2012, hence it is listed as Buzz Media. And Hearst Magazine is not just the subsidiary, it is Digital Spy's US office. I have a feeling you are taking all this in a bad faith so I guess I will stop. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 15:46, 18 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
Not taking this in bad faith at all, don't worry. You've done well improving the article so far, but it still needs extensive work before renomination. Prose was my biggest concern when reviewing, particularly with things like how it referred to the Benassis as brothers at certain points and cousins at others. I'm sure you'll get it to GA after a thorough copyedit. SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 16:12, 18 July 2014 (UTC)Reply
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