Talk:Graduados/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Miyagawa (talk · contribs) 09:30, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

You've waited ages for a review, and I figure as a specialist reviewer who is familiar with the subject hasn't turned up in the meanwhile then I'll review the article. I'll give you fair warning - I'm not a Spanish speaker and so I might be asking some very daft questions which wouldn't come to someone more familiar with the sources.

One quick thing I noticed on a brief scan through the article, you've spelt "Official" wrong in the external links. Miyagawa (talk) 09:30, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Ok - review now. I figure I'd better do it before I settle in for the night and start my usual editing otherwise I'll simply forget and you'll end up waiting even longer for a review!

• Images: The two fair use ones have appropriate rationales and the two free use ones are well... free use. It might be worthwhile adding to the flashback image rationale about the makeup that Isabel Macedo was shown in the image (and referred to in the article).

• Duplicate links: I count 24 links, three of which are to Spanish language alone. I'd recommend turning on the duplicate link checker in Preferences -> Gadgets (I think its there). It really is handy.

• References: The end of the second paragraph of Dramatic topics is uncited, as is the first paragraph of music.
  • The 'Oh La La' cites - sometimes you've got them listed as 'Oh La La' and some as 'OhLaLa' and 'Ohlala'. You should probably stick to one.

• Plot: Typically with plot sections, the character name is followed by the actors name in brackets. You don't need to duplicate the ones in the lead (some people do, some don't, I don't mind) but you should do that at least for the ones in the plot that haven't already been mentioned in the lead.
  • Probably best if you refer to Andrés by that name throughout, as I think you refer to him as Andy and perhaps Andi and one point. It would just aid understanding that it was the same character.
  • "Pablo cheats María Laura with Patricia" - better as "Pablo cheats on María Laura with Patricia"

• Production: I noticed that you've put everything in present tense, when it should really be in past tense as it has already aired (i.e. "The comedy was written by Sebastian Ortega..." rather than "The comedy is written by Sebastian Ortega..."
  • You could probably insert links to LGBT rights in Argentina and school bullying.
    • I'm not sure dramatic reveals is a topic as such, isn't it more of a method? Or do you mean that the actual topics being revealed dramatically?

• Creation: "would have been starred by Andy Kusnetzoff" better as "would have starred Andy Kusnetzoff"
  • "who had nostalgia of the 1980s" to "who were nostalgic for the 1980s"
  • "because of his work at the radio" - not sure the relevance of this, did you mean it turned down the role because of radio roles or was there something specific you had in mind?
  • "but with the secondary character Tuca" better as "but as the secondary character Tuca"
  • "made a cameo of six episodes" better as "made cameos in six episodes"
  • "Juan Leyrado plays a grandfather for the time in his career" - first time?
  • "pointed that he is not used to act in comedies" better as "pointed out that he does not normally appear in comedies"
  • "and agreed to work in the series by suggestion of his wife" - I'd suggest a change to avoid repeating work twice in the sentence, so it becomes "and agreed to do so following the suggestion from his wife".
  • "The scenes of the high school years of the main characters, a recurring plot element, are made with flashbacks" - I'm thinking that it would probably be more straight forward as "The high school years of the main characters are represented through flashbacks, which are used as a recurring plot element."
  • Better to refer to them as costume designers rather than dressers.
  • "The guest actor Pablo Echarri interpreted the coach during the trip" - I don't know what that means.
  • "15 years birthday" better as "15th birthday party"

• Music: "to play short cameos" better as "to make cameo appearances"
  • "Charly García acted as himself in the program" better as "played himself" rather than "acted as himself"
  • "For this production Fito Páez retrieved the look he had at the time of the release of the album Giros, which is slightly different from his modern one." I can see what you're trying to say, but it needs to be rephrased for clarity.
  • "made a cameo during the spring day" - this also needs to be clarified, is it a particular episode?
  • "in Twitter" -> "on Twitter"
  • "mere jealously reactions" -> "being jealous"

Gonna take a break there and review the remaining sections tomorrow. Miyagawa (talk) 20:31, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

I'm going to place this one on hold, as at least up to ten days ago there were still edits ongoing. I'll give this one another ten days as I'm hesitant simply to close this due to the time you had to wait for the nomination. You may want to try putting this through the guild of copy editors however as the prose isn't great. Miyagawa (talk) 15:39, 28 September 2013 (UTC)

Done. Sorry for the delay, I have limited time in internet lately. Cambalachero (talk) 01:52, 30 September 2013 (UTC)

No problem. What might be best is if you nominate this for a copy edit by the guild. That might take up to a month to do however, which is longer than an article is normally kept on hold at GAN. So what I propose is that if you nominate the article there, I'll give this one a fail for now here - but as soon as its gone through the guild, re-nominate it and leave me a message and I'll review it once more immediatly. You waited absolutely ages for a review and I don't want it to seem like you're being fobbed off and potentially having to wait that long again for another GA review. Would that be acceptable? Miyagawa (talk) 12:02, 30 September 2013 (UTC)

OK Cambalachero (talk) 12:14, 30 September 2013 (UTC)