Talk:Grenade (song)/GA2

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

---

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 10:03, 4 August 2015 (UTC)

Hi, I'm Calvin999, and I am reviewing this nomination.

• One dab link
• One connection issue
• Apply the flat list to the format and record label parameter boxes as you have done so with the writer and genre parameters, for consistency
• There's a debate over the difference between singer-songwriter and singer and songwriter. Mars doesn't do everything by himself, so I would write 'singer and songwriter'
• I'd omit 'producer' too, because it's too much detail
• A Pop and → Pop shouldn't be capitalised
• Link pop and R&B
• "Grenade" was produced by Mars' production team The Smeezingtons, who also co-wrote the song with Brody Brown, Claude Kelly, and Andrew Wyatt. → "Grenade" was written and produced by The Smeezingtons (Mars, Phillip Lawrence, Ari Levine) with additional songwriting by Brody Brown, Claude Kelly, and Andrew Wyatt.
• , despite his best efforts. → to...?
• I think the lead needs streaming, the last two paragraphs in particular read like list of hard facts with no flow or continuity. I think four paragraphs is too much for an article of this size, and could easily be condensed down to three paragraphs.
• Grenade was written by The Smeezingtons, Brody Brown, Claude Kelly and Andrew Wyatt, with production helmed by The Smeezingtons. → Reads a bit clunky, try using my suggestion above instead.
• The two paragraphs beginning "In the same interview," and "Elektra Records released" could be made just one paragraph.
• throughout an iTunes Store-exclusive → Use of 'throughout' doesn't make sense
• The Background and conception section and the Production and writing section are quite heavily reliant on the use of quotes.
• What is the point of including the audio sample? The description "An 18-second sample of the chorus of "Grenade"." isn't good enough as it's not telling the listener what it is.
• Why is the first paragraph of the Critical sub-section so large and the second so small? It's looks a bit unbalanced.
• So far the song has sold over 10,8 million digital copies worldwide. → Shouldn't be in Accolades, this is a chart fact. The use of 'So far' is not encyclopaedic
• Again, for both sub-sections of Chart performance, the paragraphs look really unbalanced. I don't see the point of a single sentence paragraph, either.
• The Australian Nabil Elderkin, → Omit 'The Australian'
• who previously worked with artists such as The Black Eyed Peas, Kanye West and John Legend, → Irrelevant
• Mars made a musical appearance → Did he enter the stage singing and dancing? Omit 'musical'. Watch out for little thing like this, it doesn't read good.
• new single “Grenade”". → There's a double use of quotation marks here. (Same in ref 97 and ref 125)
• Make the Track listing section two columns
• All the chart tables need to have the shaded column, like how the Certifications table does.
• Same for the release tables
• Neither of the two sources given explicitly say "Grenade" is a pop or R&B song. The first says neither, and the second is a music sheet which says it has a pop style and R&B style. You need a critic to says "the pop song" or "Grenade is a an R&B track"
• Ref 2: Link Spin
• Ref 7: Link Amazon
• Ref 11: ASCAP, not Ascap
• Ref 63 and 74 are missing dates and access dates. Look for other omissions.

Regarding these refs, the websites don't provide date.MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:30, 9 August 2015 (UTC)

That's fine, but as long as you include the date you accessed it.  — Calvin999 17:11, 9 August 2015 (UTC)

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:40, 9 August 2015 (UTC)

• There's inconsistency in the formatting of references in places. For example. iTunes is formatted different in ref 8 to ref 95.
• You need to so through all the refs and check for errors.

Outcome

There are quite a lot of issues here that need sorting, and I haven't even given an exhaustive list. But you should be able to work on these quite quickly, as they are lots of little things. On old for 7 days.  — Calvin999 13:24, 9 August 2015 (UTC)

• I'll begin sorting these issues out. When I finish I will let you know. Thank you for reviewing. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:58, 9 August 2015 (UTC)
  • Okay.  — Calvin999 15:49, 9 August 2015 (UTC)
    • I have addressed all the issues but one. I was hoping to get more information regarding this point "All the chart tables need to have the shaded column, like how the Certifications table does", if I put them in a shaded colummn, all the countries become bold". Can you show me an example of how it is intended to do? Thank You. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:58, 9 August 2015 (UTC)
      • Have a look at "Man Down (song)"  — Calvin999 17:11, 9 August 2015 (UTC)
        • Thank You. All the issues you have listed so far have been addressed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:40, 9 August 2015 (UTC)

Now gladly passing as a Good Article.  — Calvin999 18:06, 9 August 2015 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.