Talk:Guitar (Sonny Sharrock album)

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Guitar (Sonny Sharrock album)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 17:30, 27 August 2016 (UTC)

Hi there! I'm Cartoon network freak and my GAN review for your nomination is going to arrive soon. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 17:30, 27 August 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• Guitar is a solo studio album by American jazz guitarist Sonny Sharrock. → remove "solo"

Why? Dan56 (talk) 00:28, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• is it his fifth album? Include a number

I don't know. There's no source verifying the chronology. Dan56 (talk) 00:28, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• recorded the album → recorded it
• from critics → from [[music journalism|music critics]]
• When Guitar was released → Upon the release of Guitar
• who praised → who acclaimed
• playing → his playing
• by rock critic → by The Village Voice writer
• jazz writer → jazz critic
• said it → felt it

Are these just suggestions? Dan56 (talk) 00:28, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

• Is the exact release date known?

No. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• The recording place is written a little bit weak (sorry!), try to change it like it is displayed here
• fusion → jazz fusion

Ok. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• You may use a flat list; look here

I don't follow. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• was viewed → was perceived

That's not really an improvement; the definition of view suits the context more than perceive. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• record Black Woman in → record, Black Woman, in

I think an em dash would be less repetitive of commas, which follow 1969. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• ideas: "You → ideas, confessing that "you

It's not really a confession; "recalled" would be more appropriate. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• which nationality is the band?

There is no band. It's Sharrock's "solo" album; only he's playing. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• "Devils Doll Baby", which featured Sharrock's frenzied slide guitar playing, and → "Devils Doll Baby"—which featured Sharrock's frenzied slide guitar playing—and

Done. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• had late in their careers → had experienced in the edge of their careers.

That's not a grammatical improvement. Dan56 (talk) 00:34, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

Release and reception

• beautiful" but → beautiful", but

There's no separation of clause(s) here so a comma isn't necessary; "Sharrock's avant-garde playing" is still being described after "funky and beautiful". Dan56 (talk) 00:49, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• well defined → well-defined

Done. Dan56 (talk) 00:49, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• Hyder said his → Hyder confessed that his

It really doesn't make sense to use "confess" anywhere in this article. Dan56 (talk) 00:49, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• genres while writing, "throughout → genres, while further writing that "throughout

I rewrote it. Dan56 (talk) 00:49, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• next album Seize → add comma after "album"
• (1987) could → (1987), could
• any listener's → every listener's

"Any" is more appropriate; there's no known quantity of listeners the writer is referring to ([1]) Dan56 (talk) 00:49, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• quality, "helping → quality; it "[helped]

I revised it. Dan56 (talk) 00:49, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

Track listing

• All music → All material

That's so vague/confusing. It's music (he wrote). Dan56 (talk) 00:53, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• Unlink his name

The template page links songwriters/composed. Dan56 (talk) 00:53, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• This statement needs to be accompanied by the credits ref.
• The list needs a header and a reference see this for an example

I don't see the need--track titles are not contentious (and obviously taken from the same source named in the next section)--and that article is not the best example to draw from, IMO. Dan56 (talk) 00:53, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

Personnel

• Rename section into "Credits and personnel"

Why?? Dan56 (talk) 00:54, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• You may also add "RPM Sound Studios – recording studio"

A recording studio is not a person lol. Dan56 (talk) 00:54, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

• Credits are adapted from the album's liner notes. → Credits adapted from the liner notes of Guitar.

That's not a complete sentence. Dan56 (talk) 00:54, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

Outcome

I've put this article  On hold for 7 days. Best and good luck with editing, Cartoon network freak (talk) 19:06, 29 August 2016 (UTC)

I've made changes and responded @Cartoon network freak: Dan56 (talk) 00:54, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

@Dan56: Most of them all were suggestions, but gladly passing anyway. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 04:52, 30 August 2016 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.