Check for Provide an accessible overview (MOS:INTRO): Done
Major Point 1: Childhood and education "Born in Meissen,[Note 1] Philipp grew up in the Weimar Republic and Third Reich" (not a concise summary of the corresponding section in the body)
Major Point 2: Early career "and volunteered for military service in the Wehrmacht in 1936. Following flight training, he was posted to Jagdgeschwader 76 (JG 76—76th Fighter Wing)" (not a concise summary of the corresponding section in the body)
Major Point 3: World War II "and participated in the Invasion of Poland and as a Staffelkapitän (squadron leader) in the Battle of France. His unit was reformed to II./Jagdgeschwader 54 (JG 54—54th Fighter Wing) in June 1940." (summarised well in the lead) (not a concise summary of the corresponding section in the body, the Battle of Britain should be summarized.)
Major Point 3.1: Battle of Britain "" (not a concise summary of the corresponding section in the body)
Major Point 3.2: Balkans campaign and Operation Barbarossa "He then fought in the aerial battles of the Balkans Campaign and Operation Barbarossa, the German invasion of the Soviet Union. He received the Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross with Oak Leaves (Ritterkreuz des Eisernen Kreuzes mit Eichenlaub) after 62 aerial victories on 24 August 1941" (summarised well in the lead)
Major Point 3.3: Eastern Front "and the Swords (Schwerter) to his Knight's Cross on 12 March 1942, his score now at 86 aerial victories. He claimed his 100th victory on 31 March 1942, the fourth fighter pilot to achieve this mark,[Note 2] and his 150th aerial victory on 14 January 1943. Philipp claimed four aircraft shot down on 17 March 1943 taking his total to 203 aerial victories. He thus surpassed Hermann Graf as the leading German fighter pilot at the time, and six months after Graf, became the second pilot to claim more than 200 victories." (summarised well in the lead)
Major Point 3.4: Geschwaderkommodore of JG 1 and death "Philipp was promoted to Major (major) and given command as a Geschwaderkommodore (wing commander) of Jagdgeschwader 1 (JG 1—1st Fighter Wing) on 1 April 1943, operating in Defense of the Reich against the United States Army Air Forces (USAAF). He was promoted to Oberstleutnant (lieutenant colonel) on 1 October 1943 and was killed in action a week later on 8 October during an attack on Bremen. It is believed that he was shot down by the P-47 Thunderbolt pilot Robert S. Johnson. Philipp managed to bail out but his parachute failed to open." (summarised well in the lead)
Check for Relative emphasis: Done
Major Point 1: Childhood and education "Born in Meissen,[Note 1] Philipp grew up in the Weimar Republic and Third Reich" (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 2: Early career "and volunteered for military service in the Wehrmacht in 1936. Following flight training, he was posted to Jagdgeschwader 76 (JG 76—76th Fighter Wing)" (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 3: World War II "and participated in the Invasion of Poland and as a Staffelkapitän (squadron leader) in the Battle of France. His unit was reformed to II./Jagdgeschwader 54 (JG 54—54th Fighter Wing) in June 1940." (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body, the Battle of Britain should be summarized.)
Major Point 3.1: Battle of Britain "" (the lead does not give due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 3.2: Balkans campaign and Operation Barbarossa "He then fought in the aerial battles of the Balkans Campaign and Operation Barbarossa, the German invasion of the Soviet Union. He received the Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross with Oak Leaves (Ritterkreuz des Eisernen Kreuzes mit Eichenlaub) after 62 aerial victories on 24 August 1941" (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 3.3: Eastern Front "and the Swords (Schwerter) to his Knight's Cross on 12 March 1942, his score now at 86 aerial victories. He claimed his 100th victory on 31 March 1942, the fourth fighter pilot to achieve this mark,[Note 2] and his 150th aerial victory on 14 January 1943. Philipp claimed four aircraft shot down on 17 March 1943 taking his total to 203 aerial victories. He thus surpassed Hermann Graf as the leading German fighter pilot at the time, and six months after Graf, became the second pilot to claim more than 200 victories." (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body)
Major Point 3.4: Geschwaderkommodore of JG 1 and death "Philipp was promoted to Major (major) and given command as a Geschwaderkommodore (wing commander) of Jagdgeschwader 1 (JG 1—1st Fighter Wing) on 1 April 1943, operating in Defense of the Reich against the United States Army Air Forces (USAAF). He was promoted to Oberstleutnant (lieutenant colonel) on 1 October 1943 and was killed in action a week later on 8 October during an attack on Bremen. It is believed that he was shot down by the P-47 Thunderbolt pilot Robert S. Johnson. Philipp managed to bail out but his parachute failed to open." (the lead gives due weight as is given in the body)
MisterBee1966, I'm very happy and inspired to see your work here. I do have some insights based on the above checklist that I think will improve the article:
I think the lead can be improved in order to provide an accessible overview and to give relative emphasis.
I think the list can be converted to prose.
Besides that, I think the article looks excellent. Please feel free to strike out any recommendation from this review which you think will not help in improving the article which is our main aim here. All the best, --Seabuckthorn♥06:29, 17 February 2014 (UTC)Reply