That infobox photo requires a caption.- The Earwig tool detects a 65% confidence copyright violation, quite serious close paraphrasing issue.
Since the majority of the article's sources are retrieved from books, it would be suitable that these observe the Template:Harvard citation style, specifically the Shortened footnote system; that way, we won't have to get rid of the Bibliography subsection under References.- 'However' and 'nowadays' are words to watch.
- Unless Pule had never studied, an overview of his educational background is missing in Early life.
- FN 15 is dead, please fix.
If you fix these things I identified, I will promote the article to GA. I will give you up to two weeks to make the fixes, even though I hope such a long time will not be necessary. Slightlymad 10:07, 20 October 2017 (UTC)Reply
- Update: Jollibinay, do you still intend to fix the majority of these concerns, primarily with regard to the prose's close paraphrasing issue? It's been exactly two weeks since I opened the review and I think I'm on the verge of failing this nomination to give you enough time to address these. Please tell me your plans. Slightlymad 06:34, 3 November 2017 (UTC)Reply
Update (for your review)
edit
Slightlymad Here are some concerns:
The Earwig tool detects a 65% confidence copyright violation, quite serious close paraphrasing issue.
- I ran the Earwig tool on my latest revision (808661221) and it detected a 47.9% confidence copyright violation. However, a lot of these alleged "copyright violations" it detected cannot be paraphrased, such as dates and proper nouns.
- "Nowadays" has been removed, but the use of "however" is supported by the sources.
Unless Pule had never studied, an overview of his educational background is missing in Early life.
- The article categorizes Pule as a Category:Colegio de San Juan de Letran alumni, is this true?
- I added information about his education in "Early life". Probably another editor confused San Juan de Dios Hospital with Colegio de San Juan de Letran.
FN 15 is dead, please fix.
- Sentence has been removed. The original news article seems to be gone.
Jollibinay (talk) 09:11, 4 November 2017 (UTC)Reply
- Almost there, Jollibinay. Just a few more concerns:
- Dela Cruz was literate, but claimed that he had no formal education. "claimed" is WP:CLAIM
- Despite that, it is very likely that he received primary religious instruction and attended the local public primary school. Which local public primary school"? And consider amending "very likely" as it's close editorializing language.
- Those claims that are supported with more than three citations are overkill. Just leave three citations each but be sure that they are still supported by those sources. And please arranged all citations in numerical order.
- The November 1, 1841 Alitao massacre became a controversial issue in Manila... This suffers from clunky writing, how about something along the lines of "The 1841 Alitao massacre, which had occurred on November 1,"?
- After investigating the November 1841 Alitao massacre → "After the massacre"
- Beginning in the 1930s, → "By 1930"
- The historical film ... was released on September 21, 2016. Complete date unnecessary as this is not an article about the movie. Leave it to "in September 2016".
Follow-ups of your reccomendations
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Slightlymad:
*Dela Cruz was literate, but claimed that he had no formal education.
- Changed "claimed" to "stated". Pule made the claim through speeches and letters.
*Despite that, it is very likely that he received primary religious instruction and attended the local public primary school.
Which local public primary school"?
- Added detail: "local public primary school in Lucban."
- And consider amending "very likely" as it's close editorializing language.
- I will keep "very likely" as it is a paraphrase of "big possibility" used in the source Hermano Puli sa Kasaysayan, unless better words can be suggested.
* How about "probably"? Slightlymad 14:49, 4 November 2017 (UTC)Reply
- Slightlymad: "Probably" is vague. It could either be low or high. Palad (2001b) used the term "big possibility" that Pule was educated at the paaralang bayan, while Martinez (1999) stated that the paaralang bayan was the "least" possible education that Pule had.Jollibinay (talk) 04:31, 5 November 2017 (UTC)Reply
Those claims that are supported with more than three citations are overkill. Just leave three citations each but be sure that they are still supported by those sources. And please arranged all citations in numerical order.
*The November 1, 1841 Alitao massacre became a controversial issue in Manila... This suffers from clunky writing, how about something along the lines of "The 1841 Alitao massacre, which had occurred on November 1,"?
- changed to: "The 1841 Alitao massacre became a controversial issue in Manila"
*After investigating the November 1841 Alitao massacre → "After the massacre"
- Changed to: "After investigating the massacre..."
*Beginning in the 1930s, → "By 1930"
- I would keep "1930s" since Constantino (2008) used it on the source to mean some time between Jan 1, 1930 and Dec 31, 1939. Changing it to "by 1930" would be making an assumption.
The historical film ... was released on September 21, 2016. Complete date unnecessary as this is not an article about the movie. Leave it to "in September 2016".
Jollibinay (talk) 13:59, 4 November 2017 (UTC)Reply
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