Talk:History of Maputo/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 09:56, 26 December 2018 (UTC)

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 09:56, 26 December 2018 (UTC)

• No DABs, multiple broken links. Use the external link checker here to see which ones.
• Images appropriately licensed.
• Move the link to the timeline of Maputo to the beginning of the main body of the article.
• The early history of the city could profitably be expanded by referencing Eric Axelson's books Portuguese in South-East Africa 1600-1700 and Portuguese in South-East Africa 1488-1600.
• Move the link to ivory to its first usage in the lede.
• Upon their return to Fort Lydsaamheid, they found the chaotic aftermath of a mutiny plot, in which 62 men were arrested and tortured after their plan to revolt because of the fort's terrible conditions was discovered. Awkward, rephrase
• the Dutch fighter except for one slave Typo and I think that you mean soldiers, not fighters.
• of slaves but no ivory. comma after slaves.
• Explain why a Dutch/English merchant is working for Austria
• establish a house Specify a trading house to reduce confusion
• 4,000 pieces of Indian textile Typo
• Down to Portuguese colonization, more later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:45, 25 January 2019 (UTC)
• major participant the slave trade missing word
• when a company was granted a monopoly over the ivory trade in the bay What company?
• leader of the Zulus' enemy tribe awkward
• Soon, their population decimated by fever, they abandoned the settlement. Awkward
• Link Manhissa River, piers, quays,
• railway trucks What is this?
• Lourenço Marques developed under Portuguese rule and achieved great importance as a lively cosmopolitan city. hyperbole
• liners? Passenger liners?
• Down to the second para of the Urban grownth section--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:35, 30 January 2019 (UTC)

I addressed each of your new critiques:

• major participant the slave trade missing word → added 'in'
• when a company was granted a monopoly over the ivory trade in the bay What company? → the source, an academic journal, did not specify which company, so I left it as is for now.
• leader of the Zulus' enemy tribe awkward → I reworded it to 'an enemy of the Zulu'
• Soon, their population decimated by fever, they abandoned the settlement. Awkward → I reworded it to 'However, their population was decimated by fever, and they soon abandoned the settlement.'
• Link Manhissa River, piers, quays, → I linked them.
• railway trucks What is this? → corrected to 'rail cars'
• Lourenço Marques developed under Portuguese rule and achieved great importance as a lively cosmopolitan city. hyperbole → reworded to "developed under Portuguese rule into an economically important, cosmopolitan city." If you think this is still hyperbole, I can work on it further.

• Unless your source says "cosmopolitan", I'd delete that.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:51, 2 February 2019 (UTC)

• liners? Passenger liners? → cargo liners. I reworded it and linked it too

Jgefd (talk) 02:30, 30 January 2019 (UTC)

• in Lourenço Marques: businesses turn the colon into a comma
• Was the city impacted during the War of Independence? If not, why not?
• 220,000 whites, including 80,000 soldiers; but by July 1975, 55,000 civilians plus all the troops had left, leaving just 55,000 whites in the country. Math is off
• Today, the Maputo port has recovered and can now handle ships at once.?
• Number ranges like pages 197–199 need to use a endash instead of a hyphen and stuff like "140–54" needs to be 140–154.
• Consolidate refs 12 and 13 so you're not presenting the same lengthy info twice.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:51, 2 February 2019 (UTC)

Sorry for the late response; I believe I've addressed all your most recent critiques.

• in Lourenço Marques: businesses turn the colon into a comma → Done.
• Was the city impacted during the War of Independence? If not, why not? → I did not come across much information in my research that addressed the impact of the war on the city specifically - most sources just talk about the country generally. The war of independence began in 1964 and lasted until 1975 - given that the city's substantial white population did not leave until after independence, and given that the city was a popular tourist destination among Rhodesian/South African tourists during this period, I suspect the war did not greatly impact the city directly. Violence was likely more concentrated in the rural areas.
• 220,000 whites, including 80,000 soldiers; but by July 1975, 55,000 civilians plus all the troops had left, leaving just 55,000 whites in the country. Math is off → I checked the source again. Typo on my part - should be 85,000 remained, not 55,000.
• Today, the Maputo port has recovered and can now handle ships at once.? → should read "can now handle multiple ships at once."
• Number ranges like pages 197–199 need to use a endash instead of a hyphen and stuff like "140–54" needs to be 140–154. → I went through each source and did this where it was lacking.
• Consolidate refs 12 and 13 so you're not presenting the same lengthy info twice. → Done.