Talk:Holly & Ivy/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section.

Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 02:18, 30 March 2016 (UTC)

Hello, I am Carbrera, and I'll be reviewing this article for possible good article submission.

Full review coming very soon. Carbrera (talk) 02:18, 30 March 2016 (UTC)

• @Carbrera: Thank you! It is crazy/surreal to have the very first article that I have contributed to and revised be considered for GAN. Aoba47 (talk) 02:27, 30 March 2016 (UTC)

@Aoba47: Of course!! However, my review will likely not come until this Friday due to my crazy, crazy schedule this week! Carbrera (talk) 02:28, 30 March 2016 (UTC)

@Carbrera: No worries; I completely understand. Good luck with everything on your schedule! Aoba47 (talk) 04:28, 30 March 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

• Wow! Nothing to say here! I've yet to review an article where I can say this

• Awesome! Thank you for the positive comment :-) Aoba47 (talk) 02:08, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Lead

Paragraph 1

• "music and a follow-up" → "music and serves as a follow-up"  Done
• Remove the extra space before "American producer"...  Done
• You don't need to cite the last sentence because it is elsewhere in the article.

• I think this sentence is necessary as the Lead should provide a comprehensive overview of the article and without this sentence, the lead does not adequately cover parts of the "Promotion" section. Aoba47 (talk) 02:08, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 2

• Could you insert 'sales' before "shipments" to prevent confusion?  Done
• You already sourced the sentence regarding its gold status in America so you can remove it.

• For every GA of FA about an album, I have noticed that the sales and charts were put in the lead as the lead should reflect all the sections from the article. I have removed the sources as they are not necessary in the lead. Aoba47 (talk) 02:08, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

• You can also remove the peak position on the Hot 100 because you mentioned it elsewhere in the article

• Look to my previous comments. Aoba47 (talk) 02:08, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 3

• This looks really good, even though its a little bit short; can you think of anything else to put here?

• There isn't much else that I can add here as the promotion for the album was very limited. I have combined Paragraphs 2 and 3 to possibly fix this. Aoba47 (talk) 02:28, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Background

• I don't think it's necessary to list when the picture included of Nat King Cole was taken  Done

Paragraph 1

• Is there anyway of finding who Natalie Cole was interviewed by for the lead sentence?  Done I can't believe I forgot this lol

Paragraph 2

• The second sentence is quite long; could it be broken apart into two smaller sentences?  Done
• Perhaps you could instead list the albums that the song is on versus stating "The song appears on all of Cole's Christmas albums."  Done (That is a very good idea as it sounds really vague/bad the way I put it) Aoba47 (talk) 02:28, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 3

• "Cole expressed a hope the album" → "Cole expressed hope that the album"  Done
• Should the quote by Cole's twin sister include "with" in "magical time [with] Natalie"?  Done The with was in the original quote, but I must have missed it somehow. Good catch. Aoba47 (talk) 02:28, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Composition

Paragraph 1

• The audio sample doesn't have the the apostrophe after "No More Blue Christmas'"  Done
• The second sentence states "Cole said", but the quote says "she"; which form is correct?

• I am not sure if I understand your comment. When I use Cole in this article, I am referring to Natalie Cole so the she is referring back to her. I could rephrase the sentence to avoid this if necessary, but I am entire sure the point in doing so. Aoba47 (talk) 02:41, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 2

• Add section title 'Songs' (with three equal signs) before this paragraph so its nice and separate for the next two paragraphs  Done
• Remove the extra 's' in 'thirds'  Done Silly mistake on my part lol Aoba47 (talk) 02:41, 31 March 2016 (UTC)
• Add 'respectively' to the end of the second sentence  Done
• Is the "a pure blues" part necessary?

• I think it is important as it identifies the genre in which the song was reinterpreted, arranged, and performed in (tying back into how Cole wanted to expand into other genres. Aoba47 (talk) 02:41, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 3

• You should add respectively again to the end of "A Song for Christmas"  Done
• The rest of this paragraph is good!

• Thank you! You are really great with reviews. I could learn a thing or two on how to do them better from you. You are very thorough and caught a lot of things people read over. Aoba47 (talk) 02:41, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

• • • Awww! That is very sweet of you. However, you are very good at reviews yourself. Don't flatter me too much! Carbrera (talk) 02:53, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Promotion

Paragraph 1

• "Untraditional Traditional Christmas. The program was directed" → "Untraditional Traditional Christmas; the program was directed"  Done
• Could you find another source for the PBS mentions?

• Unfortunately, I cannot. The program was not strongly promoted or reviewed and was never really discussed after that. It may have to do with a certain Mariah Carey Christmas album coming out in the same year and literally destroying the competition. I was just happy that I did not have to use a YouTube video as a citation. Aoba47 (talk) 02:41, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 2

• This first sentence is a bit long; could you condense it?  Done I cut the sentence into two as I think all the ideas are important, but I have condensed somewhat. Aoba47 (talk) 02:45, 31 March 2016 (UTC)
• I think you should start the reviews with positive reviews, making your way eventually to the more negative ones (At least this is what I think you should do...)  Done I completely agree with this tactic. While I was writing this article, I was just putting them in as I could find and feeling proud of just finding anything at all lol. Aoba47 (talk) 02:45, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 3

• You should combine this paragraph and the next paragraph to make one, larger paragraph  Done
• Otherwise, good work

• Thank you again! Aoba47 (talk) 02:45, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Reception

Critical response

• State 'music critics' instead of 'critics'  Done
• Could you provide a link to music critics as well?

• These are all the reviews for the album that I can find. I actually am almost completely positive that these are the only reviews available now as the album did not receive much attention when it first came out so I think this is all I can do for sources. Aoba47 (talk) 02:52, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

• "and described it" → "but described it"  Done
• "fine outing". He praised" → "fine outing"; he further praised"  Done
• "Eve at the Copa". Browne" → "Eve at the Copa"; Browne"  Done

Commercial performance

• Double check to make sure the album didn't chart anywhere else, because I do see that it was released in Canada...

• That is a very good question; I checked and it did not chart despite being released in Canada. It may because she did almost nothing to actually promote it and let people know that music was out there. Aoba47 (talk) 02:52, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

• • • Got it! Carbrera (talk) 03:15, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Track listing

• The producer(s) should be added here if applicable

• I don't think I can find any resources to confirm the producer(s) for each individual song unfortunately. Aoba47 (talk) 03:01, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

• If you ever purchase the album, please add the producers when you get ahold of the album's liner notes. Thanks. Carbrera (talk) 03:17, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Credits

• Change section title to "Credits and personnel"  Done

Charts

• Remove the 'Weekly charts' title since it didn't chart on any year-end charts  Done

Release history

• Add a rowspan in for the label so it isn't so repetitive and over-linked  Done This took me a lot longer for me to figure out than I should admit lol. Aoba47 (talk) 03:04, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

References

• [1] - Provide a link for 'Jet'  Done
• [3] - Provide a link for 'RIAA'  Done
• [4] - Provide a link for 'Billboard'  Done
• [6] - Provide a link for 'AllMusic'  Done
• [12] - Provide a link for 'NYTimes.com' or change to 'New York Times' and link that  Done
• [13] - Provide a link for 'LATimes.com' or change to 'Los Angeles Times' and link that  Done
• [14] - Missing a website and/or publisher  Done
• [15] - Missing a website and/or publisher Done
• [16] - Remove the link to 'AllMusic' Done
• [17] - Remove the link to 'AllMusic' Done
• [19] - Remove the link to 'AllMusic' Done
• [21] - Remove the link to 'RIAA' Done
• [22] - Provide a link to 'Amazon.com' or change to 'Amazon' and link that Done
• [24] - Remove the link to 'AllMusic' Done

End of GA Review:

Fantastic job @Aoba47:! However, I have noted some changes that should be made/considered. I will put it on hold for the meanwhile. Thanks! Carbrera (talk) 00:41, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

Thank you very much for the review! The article looks a lot better now and I appreciate all the help with it. I have either corrected all the things from your comments or put my own comments above. Hope everything is going well with you. Aoba47 (talk) 03:13, 31 March 2016 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.