Wikipedia

Talk:Hurricane Liza/GA1

< Talk:Hurricane Liza
Latest comment: 11 years ago by TropicalAnalystwx13 in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit
Latest comment: 11 years ago75 comments2 people in discussion
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contribs) 22:35, 8 March 2013 (UTC)Reply

I've got this one, YE. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 22:35, 8 March 2013 (UTC)Reply

Lede, Meteorological history, Preparations

  • First things first, make sure all your converts are rounded to the nearest five if they need to be.
  • "Hurricane Liza was considered the worst natural disaster in the history of Baja California Sur." - Unless a storm came by that is worse than Liza, the "was" should be "is".
  • "The seventeenth tropical cyclone, thirteenth named storm, and the eighth hurricane of the 1976 Pacific hurricane season," - Maintain parallelism. No need for the "thee" before "eighth".
  • "In favorable conditions, Liza continued to intensify, reaching hurricane strength on September 28 after developing an eye." - This sentence implies that the development of an eye automatically means the system is a hurricane, which is not the case; tropical storms have been known to have well-defined eyes.
  • " The hurricane gradually intensified before reaching peak intensity as a Category 4 hurricane on the Saffir–Simpson hurricane scale on September 30 with winds of 140 mph (230 km/h) and a minimum barometric pressure of 948 mbar (hPa; 28.00 inHg)." - Comma after September 30.
  • "Moving north, Liza weakened as it moved into the Gulf of California, before making landfall north of Los Mochis, Sinaloawith winds of 115 mph (185 km/h), making Liza one of 12 landfalling major hurricanes in the basin." - Split the sentence. Why did Liza weaken?
  • "The hurricane rapidly weakened inland, before dissipating on October 2." - If you use "before" there is no need for a comma before it.
  •   Done. YE Pacific Hurricane 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)Reply
  • "Prior to the arrival of Liza, the government failed to protect a dam, while other residents refused to evacuate." - Why is this important?
  • "Along the Gulf of California coastline, troops evacuated residents and radio stations warned all nearby ships to remain at harbor." - Comma after residents.
  • "However, when the remnants of the storm moved into the Southwestern United States, the National Weather Service warned residents of flooding." - Why however? And this sentence would probably be better suited farther down in the paragraph.
  • "A dam burst and hundreds of people were swept away by flood water." - Which dam?
  • "Throughout the state, there would a variety of death tolls reported, but officials estimate 1,000 people perished." - Word error.
  • "The remnants of the storm latter affected the United States." - Later, not latter.
  • "The government received criticism for the tragedy, citing that the dam the broke had been poorly built." - the --> that (before broke).
  • "It is estimated that a tropical depression developed at 1800 UTC on September 25 while centered about 485 mi (780 km) east-northeast of Zihuatanejo, Guerrero." - Comma after 25.
  • "Thereafter, Liza turned to the north at 7 mph (11 km/h) and began to strengthen while moving through sea surface temperatures (SST's) of 85 °F (29 °C)" - Over, not through. Is how quickly it was moving important?
  • "Within 48 hours of formation, the Eastern Pacific Hurricane Center (EPHC) had reported winds of 65 mph (105 km/h)[1]" - Weird sentence. And no comma?
  • "Early on September 28, Liza intensified into a hurricane,[2]while developing an eye 17 mi (27 km) in diameter, though this eye was initially not visible on satellite imagery" --> "Liza intensified into a hurricane early on September 28 and subsequently developed an eye 17 mi (27 km) in diameter, though this was not initially visible on satellite imagery."
  • "Midday on September 28, Hurricane Hunters made the first of four flights into Liza. At 1730 UTC, they reported a surface pressure of 971 mbar (28.7 inHg) despite reporting winds of just 45 mph (70 km/h)." --> "During the afternoon hours of September 28, the Hurricane Hunters made the first of our flights into Liza, recording a minimum barometric pressure of 971 mbar (28.7 inHg); despite the low pressure, maximum sustained winds barely met tropical storm criteria."
  • "By early on September 29, Liza had attained winds of 80 mph (130 km/h)." - Not really a necessary sentence.
  • "Liza continued to intensify, and later that morning, Liza had reached Category 2 intensity on the Saffir-Simpson hurricane wind scale (SSHWS)." --> "Liza continued to intensity, reaching Category 2 intensity on the Saffir-Simpson hurricane wind scale (SSHWS) early on September 29."
  • "Around this time, the EPHC upgraded the hurricane into a major hurricane, Category 3 or higher on the SSHWS." - Stick an "a" before "Category".
  • "Continuing to undergo rapid deepening, Hurricane Liza attained winds of 140 mph (220 km/h), making Hurricane Liza a mid-level Category 4 hurricane" - No need for the last part of the sentence.
  • "Late on September 30, Liza brushed the Baja California Peninsula, passing about 65 mi (105 km) east of Cabo San Lucas[1] while still at peak intensity.[2]" - What's with the reference in the middle of a sentence without any punctuation?
  • ~A comma is not needed here and what's wrong a ref in the middle of a sentence? 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
  • "Early on October 1, Liza entered the Gulf of California 52 mi (84 km) east of La Paz, Baja California Sur." - Comma after California.
  • "By 1300 UTC that day, Liza made landfall about 52 mi (84 km) north of Los Mochis, Sinaloa with winds of 115 mph (185 km/h), still a Category 3 storm." - Get rid of the last part of the sentence.
  • " Operationally, however, Hurricane Liza was estimated to have made landfall with winds of 100 mph (185 km/h)[10] and gusts up to 150 mph (230 km/h)." - Dont see a need to put the reference in the middle of the sentence, it looks strange. Just move it to the end with the other.
  • "The storm rapidly weakened inland while accelerating at speeds of 15 to 20 mph (25 to 30 km/h) until the system dissipated the following day." --> The storm continued quickly inland while weakening, dissipating the following day over [location].
    • I did most of what you said. However, location is not known. Yes, the EPHC literally discontinued advisories just after landfall. YE Pacific Hurricane
  • Since the preparations section is so small, just merge it with the Impacts section.
    • The impact section is big though. IMO, it's make it much easier to organize and determine what's what with these type of storms. YE Pacific Hurricane
  • "Prior to the arrival of the hurricane, many residents in shanty towns failed to hear tropical cyclone warnings and watches." - "hear tropical cyclone warnings and watches" makes it sound like tornado sirens, where people physically hear them. Add "of" after "hear". Also, where were the advisories issued specifically?
  • " In addition, city officials warned the residents living near the dam to take shelter public buildings." - For the third time in this review, what dam?
  • "However, most refused to leave." - Combine with the previous sentence.
  • "On the other hand, the government ignored requests to shore up an earthen dam[13] as they did not believe Liza would pose much of a threat to the Baja California Peninsula." --> Despite requests, the government ignored all requisitions to shore up (what?) an earthen dam, as they did not believe Liza would pose a significant threat of damage to the Baja California Peninsula.[ref]
  • "Along the Gulf Coast, troops evacuated residents and radio stations warned all nearby ships to remain at harbor." - Comma after residents.
  • "According to the National Weather Service, flash flood watchs were posted for much of deserts of California, southern Utah, and a portion of Colorado." --> "As the remnants of Liza moved across the western United States, flash flood watches were posted for much of California, southern Utah, and Colorado."

This covers the article up to Impact. Let me know when you're finished with the above comments and I'll finish reviewing. I know it looks like a lot, but most issues are easily fixable. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 22:35, 8 March 2013 (UTC)Reply

  • "Shortly thereafter, making landfall north of Los Mochis, Sinaloa with winds of 115 mph (185 km/h), making Liza one of 12 landfalling major hurricanes in the basin." - You changed the sentence, but now it makes no sense.

Impact, Aftermath, References

  • "In all, Liza brought a total of $100 million in damage[17] in a place that receives catastrophic flooding from hurricanes every 50 years or so." - What place? Why is there a reference stuck on a word?
  • "The hurricane is considered the second worst natural disaster in the History of Mexico, only trailing the 1985 Mexico earthquake and the worst natural disaster in the history of the peninsula" --> The hurricane is considered the second worst natural disaster in Mexico on record, trailing only the 1985 Mexico earthquake, and the worst neutral disaster in the history of [location - Baja California Sur?]
  • "Although the Hydrometeorological Prediction Center (HPC) suggests that Liza brought only light to moderate rains to the area, peaking at around 1 in (25 mm),[21] newspaper accounts claim that 11.8 in (300 mm) fell (more than a year's worth of rainfall) in some areas in a mere hours." - Do not use parentheses in an article. Add an en dash or just remove it. Remove "a" before "mere".
  • "During night of October1 , waters burst a three-year-old and 30 ft (9.1 m) dike" - Spacing issues. Too cool for periods?
  • "A 5 ft (1.5 m) wall of water[42] spilled over a small shanty town of 10,000, thousands of which lived in cardboard shacks." - Don't stick a reference on a word.
  • "Some shacks got swept 6 mi (9.7 km) away from their initial location." - "got" is very middle school-y. Replace it with "were".
  • "Streets also received flooding from the dam burst;[43] Most of the deaths from the hurricane were due to the dam failure." - The first word following a semicolon is never capitalized.
  • "Dozens" of people were also swept away into the Sea of Cortez when Hurricane Liza destroyed a 600 ft (180 m) sea wall, which, ironically, had been built to prevent flooding from storms like Liza" - Change "storms like Liza" to "such storms".
  • "Bridges up to 600 ft (180 m) long were twisted." - Add whatever caused this, whether it be winds or flooding(?).
  • "In La Paz, a town that at that time had a population of around 85,000, 20,000 were left homeless[10] (nearly one third of the towns population)[20] and an additional 4,000 were injured." - No reference on word, no parentheses, add comma before the last "and".
  • "Widespread flooding was reported throughout the city[48] with mud filling up the first floor of many houses." - No reference on word. Comma after "city".
  • "wood, tarpaper, and cardboard were all scattered throughout La Paz." - Capitalize the first letter of the first word.
  • "Throughout the city, a total off 412 people had been killed[10] 150 were missing people within the resort city[47] five of which were later presumed dead." - off to of, no reference on a word. Comma after killed, comma after the second city (no reference on word!).
  • "Then-Mexican president Luis Echeverria as well as the HPC and EPHC claimed that 435 people died during the hurricane." - No no no. Not "Then-Mexican". Fix that.
  • "Initially, reports stated that 630 people died during the storm but this total does not include victims found by the Mexican army." --> "It was initially stated that 630 people had died during the storm; however, this total does not include victims discovered by the Mexican army."
  • "By late October 3, Mexican officials and a Red Cross spokesperson reported that 650 bodies had been found" - Add a period at the end.
  • "By October 6, local officials had abandoned efforts to retrieve additional bodies, citing that searching for more dead bodies would alter the course of a river, and thus led to further danger" - Huh?!
  • "According to preliminary estimates by officials, 40,000 people were homeless and an addition 20,000 were injured[10] 126 of which were considered significant." - Comma after injured.
  • "At first, most of the bodies found by the army were buried like normal"[...] - Comma after normal.
  • "Light rainfall up to 1 in (25 mm) was recorded along the southeastern region of the state[21] which led to reports of damage." - No reference on word.
  • "About 30,000 people were left homeless state-wide[62] though other authorities estimated that 24,000 people were left homeless in both Sonora and Sinaloa combined." - No reference on word.
  • "In Arizona, the tropical system brought light to moderate rain throughout the state, with the state maximum being 1.48 inches (38 mm) at Willow Beach, Arizona." - Remove the second instance of "the state".
  • "Further east, Liza's remnants dropped light rainfall in New Mexico (peaking at 0.47 in (12 mm) in White Sands National Monument)[63] as well as in southwestern Texas." - No parentheses. Will need a comma before "as well".
  • "Other rescue workers overcame 100 °F (38 °C)° heat while frantically searched bodies floating along the ocean and under mud[56][65] not to mention the fact that their close proximity to weakened buildings and power lines." - Random degree sign, period after mud. No need for the last part of the sentence.
  • "An effort was made to cure people who were suffering from sickness, but by, midday on October 3, the effort had been halted after treating more than 5,000 persons due to a lack of sterile cotton vital for administrating the shots." - No need for a comma after "but by".
  • "By early October 2, supplies had been brought in by ship via Mexican navy and air containing food, blankets, and medicine." - Supplies, including food, blankets, and medicine, had been brought in by ship via the Mexican navy by early on October 2."
  • "Around that time, President Echeverria, ordered emergency aid to be sent La Paz, Los Mochis, and Ciudad Obregon, as well as three coastal Sonoran ports." - No comma after the president's name.
  • " Then U.S.-president-Gerald Ford agreed to provide aid for victims of Hurricane Liza;" [...] - No "Then U.S.-". Fix it.
  • "The government said that it was rushing in 100,000 meals as well as 40,000 temporary shelters[66] the first of which started to arrive on October 5[41] but within a week after the storm, one survier of the storm noted that plenty of food had arrived from many places." - Split, add necessary commas/periods. Survivior, not survier.
  • "Baja California Sur governor, Ceaser Mendoza Arambrue, ordered a permanent evacuation of all low-lying residents to prevent more destruction during future floods, saying 'I never want to see this city menaced in this way again'" - No need for the first two commas. Comma after saying.

Once these issues are addressed (don't forget the responses at the other section), I'll be happy to pass. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 00:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)Reply

Add topic
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Hurricane_Liza/GA1&oldid=1136271158"