GA Review
edit| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 21:27, 9 September 2021 (UTC)
Comments
- Avoid single-sentence paras, merge that first "para" into the next.
- Four para lead is too much for such a modest article, I would recommend two.
- "until sneaking out" bit colloquial.
- "moved to Aleppo" link.
- "atabeg" what's that?
- "Irtash ibn Tutush was born" no need for bold here.
- "Map of the Seljuk Empire at..." this is a fragment so need for a full stop.
- "then sneaked out" not particularly encyclopedic in tone.
- " general view of..." again, caption is a fragment, so no full stop required.
- "expel them from Palestine" overlinked.
- "besieged Bosra, though" likewise.
- "between Jaffa and " and that.
- "An 1844 painting..." caption is fragment, no full stop.
- "a very important victory" POV.
- "Sevim assumes incorrectly that" I would just remove "incorrectly".
- "463-549" endash.
- Ref 5, pp. and en-dash.
That's all I have. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 11:19, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
- @The Rambling Man: Everything should be addressed in these edits. However, do you want me to trim the lead down instead of just merging it? It's technically only a two paragraph lead now. –MJL ‐Talk‐☖ 20:26, 11 September 2021 (UTC)