Talk:Isaac Blackford/GA1

GA Review

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• Article is neutral, stable and broadly covered; no problems there. Further comments are below.

General comments

1. more inline citations would be nice. 46 inlines when you have six sources and 35kb of text? General rule is to have an inline at every quote, questionable sentence and questioned sentence.
2. images need to be redone. Per MOS they should alternate; I suggest simply moving "Sketch of the Indiana Governor's Mansion where Blackford lived for over twenty years." to the left rather than the right.

Copyediting

Lede

1. the DOB and DOD should be delinked.
2. "Indiana Blackstone" needs an inline citation as a quote. You can get rid of the bits about Shepard and Irving, simply say "is considered to have been the.... and was described as the "Indiana Blackstone" (inline cite)".
3. "Following the death of Indiana Chief Justice John Johnson in the subsequent year" should be simplified to just "Following the death of Indiana Chief Justice John Johnson in 1827".
4. "Blackford’s early important cases" - just "early cases heard by Blackstone's court". When we say "X is Lawyer Y's most important early case" we normally refer to cases in which they were the lawyer, not the judge.
5. "Nominated without his knowledge or permission, in 1825 he was the Whig candidate for Governor of Indiana, but was defeated in the election because of his refusal to campaign publicly. " - "Nominated without his knowledge or permission, Blackstone was the 1825 Whig candidate for Governor of Indiana, but was defeated in the election because of his refusal to campaign publicly." and link Whig. Make sure to get the US party rather than the British faction.
6. "Again nominated without his knowledge to become a United States Senator" needs to go - it sounds like he's been quietly nominated for senator multiple times. Replace with "nominated to become a United States Senator in X, also without his knowledge, he.." and include the date in place of X, since it's not given currently.
7. "Following the death of his wife in childbirth, his young son a few years later, then his mother, and narrowly escaping death himself," simplify to just "following the deaths of his wife, son and mother in less than six years" since I don't see anything saying his own experience added to his emotional trauma.
8. "he became emotionally distraught" - that's expected. "suffered emotional distress and began to live a recluse's life in a one room apartment in the Indiana Governor's Mansion, where he remained for over twenty years." to make it clear that it wasn't just a one-time mental problem.
9. "He was again defeated in the 1853 election to become Supreme Court Reporter and instead sought a position on the federal courts after briefly attempting to practice law." comma after "reporter".
10. "Appointed by President Franklin Pierce, he served as a federal court judge of the newly created U.S. Court of Claims dealing with financial claims against the federal government from 1855 until his death. " - "In 1855 he was appointed to the U.S. Court of Claims by President Franklin Pierce, where he dealt with financial claims against the federal government until his death in office on December 31, 1859."

Family and background

1. "She had been a nurse during the American Revolutionary War and aided American soldiers as a nurse during the battles of Trenton and Princeton, and continued to care for them when smallpox broke out among the army during the winter of 1780–1781." "She had been a nurse during the American Revolutionary War, aiding X soldiers after the battles of Trenton and Princeton and caring for them after smallpox broke out among the army during the winter of 1780–1781". "X" is for Unionist or Confederate - find out what side she was on. Also, please link Trenton and Princeton to the battles.
2. "Blackford received a basic education, learning to read and write, in local public schools" - Blackford attended local public schools, where he learned to read and write". No chance we have names and dates for those schools?
3. "His father died on May 22, 1800 leaving a modest estate valued at $7,220.99 ($90,362 in 2009 chained dollars) to his mother" - replace with "Joseph Blackford" and "Mary, please, since I can't think of a way to phrase it which avoids doing what the sentence currently does and implies that his father left money to his father's mother.
4. "Blackford was enrolled in Princeton University at age sixteen and graduated at the top of his class four years later in 1806" to "Blackford enrolled in Princeton University in 1802, graduating at the top of his class four years later".
5. "On his enrollment forms he entered his middle name as Newton, but never again used the name for the remainder of his life." - "On his enrolment forms he entered his middle name as Newton, although he never used the name again." - note the amended spelling of "enrolment"
6. "Revolutionary War herp " - "Revolutionary War hero", I assume.
7. "He took only one case of his own and realized he needed to join a law firm if he was going to be able to earn a living at his profession. He was able to successfully join MacDonald's firm" - "He took only one case of his own before joining MacDonald's law firm, realising that he would not be able to earn a living as a sole practitioner".

Indiana Territory

1. "In 1812 Blackford moved west. His reason for leaving New Jersey is unclear, as he had a potentially prosperous life in the east, that is where his family was, and the prospect of earning a living as a lawyer on the frontier was uncertain" - "In 1812 Blackford moved to the Indiana Territory. His reasons for leaving New Jersey are unclear, as he had a potentially prosperous life and a family there, versus uncertain career prospects in the west".
2. Link the first "Dayton" in that paragraph, please.
3. "He was also became a cashier at the Bank of Vincennes' Corydon branch, the same town the capital was moved too at the end of 1813." - "He also became a cashier at the Bank of Vincennes' branch in Corydon, the same town the capital was moved too at the end of 1813."
4. "The experience influenced him to mistrust banks throughout his life, and led him to refuse to put any money in banks." "The experience led him to mistrust banks, and he refused to invest any money in them."
5. "Governor Thomas Posey reorganized the territorial courts in 1813 creating three districts and appointing judges to preside in them." - "Governor Thomas Posey reorganized the territorial courts in 1813, creating three districts and appointing judges to preside over them."

• • That'll do as a start for now. I'll do more in the morning. Ironholds (talk) 02:46, 3 September 2009 (UTC)