Talk:Jaguar XJ220/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 22:24, 21 July 2013 (UTC)

I will get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:24, 21 July 2013 (UTC)

• One external link needs to be fixed.
• No DABs, pics appropriately licensed.
• Jaguar were approached by racing team owner Tom Walkinshaw and his company TWR in 1981 and encouraged to enter the Jaguar XJS into the European Touring Car Championship, they succeeded in winning the competition in 1984. Either split this or change the comma to a semi-colon.

  Done. Eric Corbett 20:04, 28 July 2013 (UTC)

• This article needs a thorough copyedit to meet the GA standard. Please contact the Guild of Copyeditors for assistance.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 23:50, 27 July 2013 (UTC)

  I've had a look through and made a few changes. If there are any specific issues still troubling you I'll be happy to help address them. Eric Corbett 20:03, 28 July 2013 (UTC)

  • Thanks for the quick response.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 21:32, 28 July 2013 (UTC)

• In the first sentence of the conception para, they succeeded in winning the competition in 1984 is a complete independent sentence. Either split it out into its own sentence or link it as a related sentence with a semi-colon.

  There's actually nothing wrong with that sentence as it stands, but as it's maybe a little too long to parse comfortably I've split it. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• The relationship of this sentence to the previous one is not clear: The British Leyland/TWR V64V engine, designed for the MG Metro 6R4 was available for Jaguar to use and met the rules for Group C. Was it used by the XJR-10 and -11? If so then rephrase the two sentences to say that it was substituted for the Jaguar V12 after the rules changes.
• Link valve, cylinder, differential, turbocharged, stroke, bore on first use
• A lot of very short paragraphs. Can some of them be profitably consolidated?

  I've done a bit of merging and I'll go through later and do a bit more. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• hyphenate small displacement and gas filled as they're compound adjectives.

  Done. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• Convert the metric measurements to English units on first use, only.
• Typo: considered outwith the capacity

  Fixed. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• This is pretty peripherally related to the XJ220: where it would be used from 1994 to 2004 for assembly of the Aston Martin DB7.[49] Jaguar and Aston Martin came under the control of the Ford Motor Company by 1994 and there would be a greater sharing of technology between Jaguar and Aston Martin. The first result of this was with the Aston Martin DB7, which was engineered by TWR and JaguarSport, based around the Jaguar XJS platform and designed by TWR Design Director Ian Callum, who would succeed Geoff Lawson as Jaguar's Design Director in 1999.

  Agreed. I've truncated that and added a short note to explain the relationship between Jaguar and Aston Martin. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• Missing comma after the name: judge, John Donaldson

  Done. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

•  Is the Storm really relevant to this car?

  No, I don't think it is, removed. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• Need publisher on Heilig; not required, but place of publication for books would be useful.

  Publisher for Heilig added. I never include locations, as I think they're more trouble than they're worth. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• Does Sports Car Market have a publisher?

  Sports Car Market is a monthly print magazine, for which we don't normally supply a publisher, just as we don't for a newspaper. I see the article is a little inconsistent in that respect though, so I'll remove all the publishers for printed newspapers and magazines. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

• Note #11 lacks author, publisher.
• Standardize the treatment of Moreton. You have a full cite in addition to just author (date), page. Look through your refs for other issues of these types.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 05:13, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

  Fixed. Eric Corbett 12:08, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 05:13, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

All that's left are the links, I believe.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:47, 30 July 2013 (UTC)

All the requested links added now. Eric Corbett 01:18, 31 July 2013 (UTC)