Talk:Jahaad Proctor/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 17:23, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

Taking this review for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 17:23, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Early life and high school career

• "but he could shoot and score." - how come?
  • Natural ability? Effort in practice? What do you want me to say? ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
    • Whichever is more accurate MWright96 (talk) 06:01, 2 October 2020 (UTC)
      • I don't know what to do here. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 15:17, 2 October 2020 (UTC)
        • I think effort in practice will suffice. MWright96 (talk) 15:35, 2 October 2020 (UTC)
          • The ref states, "But he could score, a trait his father traces back to abundant hours hanging around those high school practices." I added a bit about his practice. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 18:10, 2 October 2020 (UTC)
• "Proctor stood 5'10." - the convert template is needed for use on the text in bold
  • Done ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "and grew to 6'3." - same issue as above
  • Done. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "He became the first player in school history to earn three All-State selections, and the third to earn first team honors," - repetition of the word "earn"
  • Changed to "receive". ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "He committed to" - He committed to playing college basketball for
  • OK. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

College career

• "He averaged 5.1 points, 2.0 rebounds and 1.1 assists per game as a freshman at Iona." - word-to-word copy of the SB Nation source verifying this text. Please reword accordingly
  • Changed to "As a freshman, he averaged 5.1 points, 2.0 rebounds and 1.1 assists per game." ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

* "helping Iona win the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference tournament and reach the NCAA Tournament." - repetition of the word "tournament"

• • I don't see the problem, they are two different tournaments. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "and reach the NCAA Tournament." - and qualify for the
  • Done. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "On December 18, 2018," - The ESPN source states the game took place on December 17, 2018
  • Good catch. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "because he discovered a rehab technique." - rehabilition
  • Done. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "and other athletes his field of study." - in his
  • OK. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "Proctor helped to fill the void of departing" - more formal; replace the
  • Reworded. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• "The season was cancelled prior to the Big Ten Tournament," - mention the season was cancelled due to the COVID-19 pandemic as stated in The Patriot-News
  • Done, good to be specific. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:33, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

Personal life

• "His father is a math teacher at William Penn Senior High School in York, Pennsylvania and baggage handler for Delta Air Lines at Harrisburg International Airport." - and a baggage handler
  • Done. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:40, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

References

• Reference 5's publication date is December 2, 2015 not December 1, 2015
  • No it's not, see [1]. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:40, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
    • Struck. Mixed-up the dates MWright96 (talk) 06:01, 2 October 2020 (UTC)

* Reference 7's publication date is January 7, 2018 not January 6, 2018

• • No, see [2]
    • Struck. Dates were mixed up MWright96 (talk) 06:01, 2 October 2020 (UTC)
• The title of Reference 14 should not be all in capital letters per MOS:ALLCAPS
  • Changed to lowercase. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:40, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
• Reference 16 is missing the author
  • Added the author. ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:40, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

Am placing the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk) 18:25, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

• I have replied to all your concerns. Some I don't know what to do with, while others - the references - appear to be incorrect. Not sure where you got the publication date, maybe another printing of the AP stories? ~EDDY ^{(talk/contribs)}~ 20:40, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
  • @Editorofthewiki: Now promoting to GA class. MWright96 (talk) 19:04, 2 October 2020 (UTC)