Talk:Jim Sheddan/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 04:19, 27 November 2022 (UTC)

Initial review

I plan to review this article for GA class. Djmaschek (talk) 04:19, 27 November 2022 (UTC)

Review 1

@Zawed: Please fix or argue your case to leave it alone. Thanks. Djmaschek (talk) 19:59, 29 November 2022 (UTC)

• Second World War, paragraph 1: "Prone to ill-discipline and excessive drinking". (It is not 100% clear to me whether this clause applies to Sheddan or to the whole squadron. Please clarify.)

• Have revised this section a little for clarity. Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)

• Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 1: "had to be towed by to England" (Typo: Remove "by".)

• Whoopsie, fixed. Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)

• Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 2, sentence 1: "The following spring" (Change to: "In spring 1944". The previous paragraph already stated, "In October the following year". Giving the year keeps the reader from having to refer back to the previous paragraph.)

• Done. Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)

• Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 3, sentence 1: "commissioned ... in September" ("September 1944".)

• Done.

• Service with No. 486 Squadron, paragraph 4: "However, his wingman was killed during the encounter and the upset Sheddan never put in a formal claim." (I understand the meaning. However, when I first read the sentence, I was confused when I got to "the upset Sheddan" and had to reread it. Perhaps, the sentence would read more smoothly if it said something like: "Sheddan was so upset that he never put in a formal claim.")

• I have rephrased this along the lines suggested. @Djmaschek:, thanks for picking this article up for review, I have responded to your feedback as above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 23:33, 29 November 2022 (UTC)

• @Zawed: GA class. Djmaschek (talk) 02:15, 30 November 2022 (UTC)