Talk:Joachim Müncheberg/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Anotherclown (talk · contribs) 22:08, 22 August 2014 (UTC)

Progression

• Version of the article when originally reviewed: [1]
• Version of the article when review was closed: [2]

Technical review

• Citations: The Citation Check tool reveals no issues with reference consolidation (no action req'd).
• Disambiguations: no dab links [3] (no action req'd)
• Linkrot: no dead links [4] (no action req'd)
• Alt text: images lack alt text so you might consider adding it [5] (not a GA requirement, suggestion only).
• Copyright violations: The Earwig Tool reveals no issues with copyright violations or close paraphrasing [6] (no action req'd).
• Duplicate links: a few repeat links to be removed:
  • Luftwaffe
  • Eastern Front
  • World War I
  • Dover
  • Walter Adolph
  • air superiority
  • Flight Sergeant
  • Western Front
  • Supermarine Spitfire
  • Hans-Joachim Marseille
    • Thanks, all removed MisterBee1966 (talk) 22:55, 25 August 2014 (UTC)

Criteria

• It is reasonably well written.

  a (prose): b (MoS):

  • "The majority of his victories were claimed over the Western front...", "Western front" → "Western Front" as its a proper noun.
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 04:56, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • Prose here: "Of his 102 aerial victories achieved over the Western Allies are 46 Supermarine Spitfire fighters." Consider rewording: "Of his 102 aerial victories achieved over the Western Allies, 46 were Supermarine Spitfire fighters."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 04:56, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • "...following his 20th aerial victory in total...", "in total" seems redundant and could be deleted to tighten the sentence.
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 04:56, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • tense seems a little off here: "his score now at 103 aerial victories...", specifically "now" should probably be "then".
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 04:56, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • This sentence seems a bit over worded: "He was killed in action in a mid-air collision following combat with his opponent on 23 March 1943 near Meknassy, Tunisia." Suggest simplifying, consider: "He was killed in action in a mid-air collision during combat near Meknassy, Tunisia on 23 March 1943."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 04:56, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • "Today it is Darskowo in the administrative district of Gmina Złocieniec, within Drawsko County, Poland." This seems like information that should probably be put into a note rather than being included in the paragraph itself.
    • I have mixed feelings about this. The loss of former German territory to Poland following World War II is still a sensitive issue. So far, this approach taken here, has worked well in a number of articles I worked on. So unless this is a blocking issue I would like to keep it as is for now. MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:25, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
      • No worries - only a suggestion. Happy for it to stay as it is. Anotherclown (talk) 19:32, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • prose is a little repetitive here: "...forced his father to sell their farm Friedrichshof in 1923. The family was forced to move..." specifically "forced to" twice in close proximity, consider rewording one.
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:10, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • "Müncheberg, who was very much talented in sports and athletics..." consider wording more economically: "Müncheberg, who was talented in sports and athletics..."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 04:56, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • tense again here "...played football for the youth team of T.V. Falkenburg since the early 1930s...", consider "started playing football for the T.V. Falkenburg youth team in the early 1930s."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:03, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • This seems a little redundant: "during the Phoney War period (October 1939 – April 1940) of the war"... specifically "of the war" could be deleted.
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:08, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • "replacing Oberleutnant Georg Beyer who was taken prisoner of war..." presumably after being shot down? Perhaps add this for clariy?
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:14, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • This sentence has issues but I actually can't quite understand your meaning: "He returned early October, the third phase of the Battle of Britain where the Luftwaffe had targeted the British airfields, had come to an end." Do you mean: "He returned early October, after the third phase of the Battle of Britain where the Luftwaffe had targeted the British airfields, had come to an end."
    • yes, done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:03, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • The wording here is also problematic: "... the entire Geschwader had to be moved back to Germany for resupplying of men and equipment in early 1941." Specifically "resupplying of men". Perhaps consider: "...the entire Geschwader had to be moved back to Germany to reform and re-equip in early 1941."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:16, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • There seems to be a missing word in here: "On 4 February 1941 Müncheberg was informed by Gruppenkommandeur Schöpfel that the 7. Staffel had to relocate to Sicily in support of X. Fliegerkorps, under the command of General der Flieger (General of the Flyers) Hans Geisler, actions against the strategically important island of Malta." Should it be: "On 4 February 1941 Müncheberg was informed by Gruppenkommandeur Schöpfel that the 7. Staffel had to relocate to Sicily in support of X. Fliegerkorps, under the command of General der Flieger (General of the Flyers) Hans Geisler, for actions against the strategically important island of Malta."?
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:06, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • This is overly long: "Müncheberg surpassed 40 aerial victories on 1 May 1941. He claimed two victories on an early morning mission, thus achieving his 39th and 40th aerial victory." Consider instead: "Müncheberg surpassed 40 aerial victories on 1 May 1941 after downing two aircraft on an early morning mission."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:12, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • This seems awkwardly worded to me: "The relatively fast successful but Pyrrhic victory made these plans obsolete." Consider something like: "The relatively fast but costly victory made these plans obsolete."
    • reworded but kept link to Pyrrhic victory since the Battle of Crete article classifies the German victory as Pyrrhic. MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:29, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • "...This achievement was announced on 4 June 1942 in the Wehrmacht...", should this be "Wehrmachtbericht"?
    • yes, done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:03, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • These two sentences can be reduced to one: "Following his 83rd aerial victory, Müncheberg was summoned to his commanding officer, Geschwaderkommodore Schöpfel. Schöpfel had to informed him of his transfer to Jagdgeschwader 51 (JG 51—51st Fighter Wing) on the Eastern Front." Consider instead: "Following his 83rd aerial victory, Müncheberg was summoned to his commanding officer, Geschwaderkommodore Schöpfel, who informed him of his transfer to Jagdgeschwader 51 (JG 51—51st Fighter Wing) on the Eastern Front."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:25, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
  • This sentence seems a little problematic: The Geschwaderstab (headquarters unit), equipped with new Bf 109 G-2s, under the leadership of Müncheberg arrived on 29 October." Perhaps consider: "Under the leadership of Müncheberg, the Geschwaderstab (headquarters unit) which was equipped with new Bf 109 G-2s, arrived on 29 October."
    • done MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:25, 30 August 2014 (UTC)

• It is factually accurate and verifiable.

  a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

  • Article is well referenced with most major points cited to WP:RS.
  • No issues with OR that I could see.

• It is broad in its coverage.

  a (major aspects): b (focused):

  • Most major points seem to be covered without unnecessary detail.

• It follows the neutral point of view policy.

  a (fair representation): b (all significant views):

  • No issues I could see.

• It is stable.

  No edit wars etc.:

  • No issues here.

• It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.

  a (tagged and captioned): b (Is illustrated with appropriate images): c (non-free images have fair use rationales): d public domain pictures appropriately demonstrate why they are public domain:

  • Most of Images are free / PD and have the req'd information / templates.
  • The non-free image in the infobox has a valid fair use rationale and seems appropriate to illustrate the subject of the article.
  • File:JG 77 Emblem.svg is non-free and lacks a fair use rationale for this article - it may need to be removed (pls see WP:FUR and WP:NFCC).
  • Captions look ok.
    • removed MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:33, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
      • replaced with File:Geschwaderwappen Jagdgeschwader 77.png MisterBee1966 (talk) 16:04, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
        • Yes that works. Anotherclown (talk) 19:32, 30 August 2014 (UTC)

• Overall:

  a Pass/Fail:

  • This is a very good article in my opinion, just a few prose issues and the image to deal with. Happy to discuss anything you disagree with. Anotherclown (talk) 22:27, 29 August 2014 (UTC)
    • Thanks for your review. I have addressed or commented on all your suggestions. Cheers MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:29, 30 August 2014 (UTC)
      • Good work, passing now. Anotherclown (talk) 19:32, 30 August 2014 (UTC)