Talk:Joe Wilson (Australian footballer)/GA1
Latest comment: 8 years ago by Jenks24 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:54, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
Hi, I will take this up. @Jenks24: You seem to be inactive since a month. I should make it clear that if there is no response to this review within a week from now I will have to fail this nomination. Sainsf <^>Feel at home 07:54, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
Lead
edit- Can Northern Tasmania be linked?
- Northern Tasmania is a redlink and I can't find anything that seems suitable to link to instead. Happy to add the link if you think a redlink is of benefit.
- I think it is okay to add the link, but it's your choice. As one editor told me, "don't be afraid of red!"
- OK, added.
- I think it is okay to add the link, but it's your choice. As one editor told me, "don't be afraid of red!"
- Northern Tasmania is a redlink and I can't find anything that seems suitable to link to instead. Happy to add the link if you think a redlink is of benefit.
- which competed in the Victorian Football Association (VFA), and the Melbourne Cricket Club (MCC) Does this need a mention? We need not discuss the MFC, do we? Also, there is an unnecessary comma after VFA.
- Sorry, not sure exactly what you mean here. Do you mean mentioning the acronyms (VFA and MCC)? Because VFA and MCC are used later in the article (but not MFC) I've added the acronyms on first usage per MOS:ACRO. I've probably understood your meaning here, though. The comma is there to close ", which competed in the Victorian Football Association (VFA)," – I think that's correct but am prepared to be told otherwise.
- Oh, I see I included MCC in the quote by mistake. I mean is the part which competed in the Victorian Football Association (VFA) relevant enough to go into the lead? Do we need to speak of the MFC's activities here? I am not a strong opponent here, it just struck me a bit odd. No trouble with the acronyms or the comma.
- Ah, I've got you now. It's there mainly for consistency because we already the team/league format for his Tasmanian football and because the standard lead for Australian rules footballers generally mentions the team and league (no MoS or anything formal like that, but Joel Selwood is an FA and uses it). I'm not attached to it though, so if you still want it out I'll remove it.
- I get you now. Would recommend following the FAs. Sainsf <^>Feel at home 14:13, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- Ah, I've got you now. It's there mainly for consistency because we already the team/league format for his Tasmanian football and because the standard lead for Australian rules footballers generally mentions the team and league (no MoS or anything formal like that, but Joel Selwood is an FA and uses it). I'm not attached to it though, so if you still want it out I'll remove it.
- Oh, I see I included MCC in the quote by mistake. I mean is the part which competed in the Victorian Football Association (VFA) relevant enough to go into the lead? Do we need to speak of the MFC's activities here? I am not a strong opponent here, it just struck me a bit odd. No trouble with the acronyms or the comma.
- Sorry, not sure exactly what you mean here. Do you mean mentioning the acronyms (VFA and MCC)? Because VFA and MCC are used later in the article (but not MFC) I've added the acronyms on first usage per MOS:ACRO. I've probably understood your meaning here, though. The comma is there to close ", which competed in the Victorian Football Association (VFA)," – I think that's correct but am prepared to be told otherwise.
- Not sure if wicket needs a link.
- I didn't link them when I first wrote the article, but one day I was browsing a few of the cricket featured articles and I noticed that they all seem to link these types of things on first usage so I added the links. Jack Crawford (cricketer) is a random example. I'm not sure if this is just a quirk of the people who write cricket FAs but thought it best to follow suit. If you still want to delink I'm fine with doing that.
- It is indeed good to follow such examples. Didn't know they did so as well, though I don't see why they must. Let us keep these links.
- Too easy.
- It is indeed good to follow such examples. Didn't know they did so as well, though I don't see why they must. Let us keep these links.
- I didn't link them when I first wrote the article, but one day I was browsing a few of the cricket featured articles and I noticed that they all seem to link these types of things on first usage so I added the links. Jack Crawford (cricketer) is a random example. I'm not sure if this is just a quirk of the people who write cricket FAs but thought it best to follow suit. If you still want to delink I'm fine with doing that.
- Melbourne's better players Why not "best"? Earlier for Launceston you say he was one of the best.
- Done. No particular reason I don't think.
- Melbourne were a regular contender I think "was" is better, if you take the club as a whole.
- Done, I always mix this up.
- Do we have sources for everything in the infobox?
- Yes. Unfortunately there isn't one overarching source that covers it all, but everything is sourced in the article.
Launceston
edit- This section could be better named as "Early life"
- Fine by me, done.
- Wilson was educated at Launceston Grammar School at "the" ?
- Hmmm, not sure. I've largely followed what the articles use, so no "the" for Launceston Grammar School but "the" for Melbourne Football Club, Victorian Football Association, etc. Not sure what the exact grammatical rule is here.
- "The"s always beat me. Will never get their uses. Sainsf <^>Feel at home 14:14, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- Hmmm, not sure. I've largely followed what the articles use, so no "the" for Launceston Grammar School but "the" for Melbourne Football Club, Victorian Football Association, etc. Not sure what the exact grammatical rule is here.
- The article's main text should begin with the full name of the person.
- Done. Or at least I made it "Joe Wilson". I assume that's what you wanted and not the full "Joseph Francis Wilson", but I can do that if that's better.
- Our Boys Cricket Club first eleven Better say "first XI"
- Done.
- Do "runs", "wicket" and "goal" need a link? They are fairly common terms in the context of sports.
- See response in the lead section. I'm ambivalent, happy to go with what you prefer.
- Same reply as for "wicket" above.
- See response in the lead section. I'm ambivalent, happy to go with what you prefer.
- highest individual score "for the" highest individual score ?
- Changed to "for highest individual score". Not sure "the" is necessary?
- My "the" troubles. Take your pick.
- OK, I've left it out but don't feel strongly about it.
- My "the" troubles. Take your pick.
- Changed to "for highest individual score". Not sure "the" is necessary?
- Link Hobart and Northern Tasmania. Hobart is linked later, remove this link and link at first mention.
- Same issue with Norther Tas in lead. Done with Hobart, good catch.
- Who is St. Ivo? You need to present the person with a proper introduction.
- Not sure what more I can add, sorry. He was a sports journalist in Launceston who went by that nom de plume, but I can't find anything more than that about him. For whatever reason, around that time in Australia it was standard for sports writers to use nicknames and not reveal their full name.
- See reply to "Slip" below.
- Not sure what more I can add, sorry. He was a sports journalist in Launceston who went by that nom de plume, but I can't find anything more than that about him. For whatever reason, around that time in Australia it was standard for sports writers to use nicknames and not reveal their full name.
- a subsequent game was scheduled. In that match two weeks later Better say "a subsequent game was scheduled two weeks later. In that match"
- Done, thanks. I knew that was awkward but couldn't think of how I should reword it.
- by the Examiner I think we should stick with Launceston Examiner throughout the article.
- Good idea, done.
- along with fellow footballers Bagley and Hunt, Can we have the full names?
- Would if I could. Unfortunately the only sources I could find only gave surnames.
- Alright, I guess the last names are fine in this case.
- Actually, I've just removed them instead. They were only tangential to what happened anyway.
- Alright, I guess the last names are fine in this case.
- Would if I could. Unfortunately the only sources I could find only gave surnames.
Melbourne
edit- This section is really long. I would recommend dividing this into 3-4 subsections.
- Fair point. I've added a few, tell me what you think (I wasn't really sure what to call them because the narrative chops and changes between cricket and football).
- Great job!
- Fair point. I've added a few, tell me what you think (I wasn't really sure what to call them because the narrative chops and changes between cricket and football).
- a "sterling innings" What does that mean?
- See the adjective section of wikt:sterling. Do you think I should add the Wiktionary link to the article? Or I suppose I could just replace that small quote altogether and use "high quality" or something instead.
- When I first read it I thought it meant "valuable", but not sure how many will be able to guess this correctly.
- Fair enough. Reworded to "high quality", seemed more sensible than adding a link.
- When I first read it I thought it meant "valuable", but not sure how many will be able to guess this correctly.
- See the adjective section of wikt:sterling. Do you think I should add the Wiktionary link to the article? Or I suppose I could just replace that small quote altogether and use "high quality" or something instead.
- Writing in The Tasmanian, Slip noted Present Slip by his/her full name. Who is he/she?
- Similar to St. Ivo above, I don't have a full name unfortunately. All I have is the publication they worked for. Would you prefer if I omitted the author, e.g. "The Tasmanian noted..."?
- Yes, omitting the name would be less ambiguous. Same for St. Ivo. Go for it!
- Done.
- Yes, omitting the name would be less ambiguous. Same for St. Ivo. Go for it!
- Similar to St. Ivo above, I don't have a full name unfortunately. All I have is the publication they worked for. Would you prefer if I omitted the author, e.g. "The Tasmanian noted..."?
- In Melbourne's 17 June victory over South Melbourne May be better to write In Melbourne's victory over South Melbourne on 17 June
- Done, good call.
- Markwell reported that Present Markwell. Where did he/she report this?
- Done. I didn't want to be repetitious was my original thinking, but happy to include it.
- Observer called Wilson Present Observer.
- Earlier in the paragraph I wrote "Observer of The Argus", does it need to be stated again?
- Oops, missed it. No, don't repeat it. Sainsf <^>Feel at home 09:36, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- Earlier in the paragraph I wrote "Observer of The Argus", does it need to be stated again?
- Melbourne won two of their remaining three games to finish runners-up for the second consecutive year. Source?
- Done.
I think that should be all. The prose is well-written, good job! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 08:17, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
Update: A bit busy now, I think I will be able to get to this only by the end of this week. Cheers! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 18:42, 27 March 2016 (UTC)
- Hey Sainsf, thanks so much for this review. If we could please hold it open for another 48 hours then I will be able to respond fully to your comments. Sorry about the lack of punctuality. Jenks24 (talk) 07:22, 2 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Jenks24: Thanks for the reply. Don't worry, now that you have returned we can have this review open as long as required. Please take your time and keep updating this page. Good luck! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 07:27, 2 April 2016 (UTC)
Sainsf, I've finally had time to get to this, sorry about the delay. Thanks again for the review. I've either enacted your suggested change or responded in some other fashion. Some of them might need further discussion and if you think I'm wrong on any of it feel free to tell me, I've been told I can be stubborn sometimes 
I see you're busy at the moment, so no rush on when you get a chance to respond. Cheers, Jenks24 (talk) 15:13, 4 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Jenks24: Thanks for your cooperation. Not much left to be done, this article is really so nice! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 09:36, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Sainsf: Cheers for the responses. I think the only thing left to decide on is including or excluding the VFA in the lead, all other suggested changes have been implemented. Jenks24 (talk) 14:06, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Jenks24: I believe all issues are done now. Truly enjoyed the discussion here. Happy to promote this great article, and to make friends with you! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 14:15, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Sainsf: Thanks so much! I've likewise enjoyed our discussion here mate, you've been a great reviewer. Cheers, Jenks24 (talk) 14:23, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Jenks24: I believe all issues are done now. Truly enjoyed the discussion here. Happy to promote this great article, and to make friends with you! Sainsf <^>Feel at home 14:15, 5 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Sainsf: Cheers for the responses. I think the only thing left to decide on is including or excluding the VFA in the lead, all other suggested changes have been implemented. Jenks24 (talk) 14:06, 5 April 2016 (UTC)