Talk:John White (Kentucky politician)/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Kentuckian (talk · contribs) 16:36, 13 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 13:35, 22 May 2024 (UTC)

Since it took me so long to get to looking at this after you asked me, I figured I might as well just do the review myself! Comments to follow. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 13:35, 22 May 2024 (UTC)

From previous review

Just to make sure there's no QF here, the major concern of the failed GA1 (not enough coverage of the subject) has been addressed. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 14:14, 22 May 2024 (UTC)

Lead and infobox

• I'm sure, having researched him to this extent, that you would have found his middle name by now if it was out there to be found, but I can imagine it's a little frustrating for you to find a middle initial and no middle name
• "was an American lawyer and politician who served as the" → purely a personal preference and so not required for GA, but I am not a huge fan of the "served as" construction - this could be simplified to just "who was the 15th..." (see WP:SERVEDAS, one of my favorite essays, for more details)
• "15th Speaker of the United States House of Representatives" → "speaker" does not need caps
• "He also served as a member" → again, not required by any means, but if you change the above "served as" I'd recommend making this "He was also a member" too
• "White was a member of the prestigious White family" → naming him by surname and then referring to his family's surname sounds a little awkward; maybe "John was a member of the..." or something like that?
• "studied law at Greenville College in Tusculum, Tennessee" → recommend linking the school and the town; also (minor but I'm just curious) the page for Tusculum University says "Greeneville" instead of "Greenville" - do the sources support this?
• "He was then admitted to the bar" → I know you're talking about White, but the last person mention is Owsley, so the "he" is a touch ambiguous
• "bar, and quickly built a reputation as an adept lawyer" → remove comma (User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences is an excellent resource for this kind of thing, it's essentially my cheat sheet)
• "White advanced to leader of the bar in Kentucky" → maybe simplify a bit to "Within several years, White was leading the Kentucky bar" or something?
• "Whig Party, and won election" → remove comma
• "member of the house, before he was appointed judge" → remove comma (also, genuinely asking, does "house" need caps here?)

Early life, etc

• "which made the Whites particularly" → perhaps reword to "which made the White family" to avoid any misconception that you're talking about the race
• "all of whom served in U.S. congress" → either remove "U.S." or add "the" before it; either way, capitalize and link Congress too (if you leave "U.S.", include that in the link)
• "common schools,[2] and studied law" → remove comma
• "at Greenville College" → same Greenville/Greeneville question as above

Career

• "He was admitted to the bar" → "White was admitted to the bar" to avoid ambiguity
• "1823, and quickly earned notoriety" → remove comma
• "earning a substantial amount of clients" → since clients are counted discretely, I think this sounds more natural as "a substantial number of clients"

Early career

• "the Whig Party, and was elected" → remove comma
• "Kentucky's 9th Congressional district" → couldn't hurt to link this again, since it's only previously linked in the lead. Also, "congressional" doesn't need caps here
• "During his time as a representative" → specify US representative, since you're also talking here about his time in the Kentucky House
• "those in which the topic was tariffs" → simplify, "those about tariffs" or "those regarding tariffs"
• "administration, and opposed the" → remove comma

Speaker of the House

• Capitalize "House" in section title
• "Many house Whigs seen" → "Many house Whigs saw"
• "disbanded "in high dudgeon."" → move full stop outside quotes per MOS:LQ
• "Whites challenger for speakership" → "White's"; also it sounds a little better to say "the speakership" to me
• "believing he was too moderate on the issue of slavery" → is there anything specific in the sources that can be said about his view of slavery?
• "The Whig controlled congress" → need hyphen between "Whig" and "controlled", also capitalize "Congress"
• "action in repealing the Independent Treasury Act, and implemented a new Bankruptcy Act" → remove comma, consider linking Independent Treasury#First establishment and Bankruptcy Act of 1841 (the latter of which is an existing redlink at Bankruptcy Act)
• "Although, most of the legislation passed" → I think the first word can be removed
• "by president John Tyler" → I believe "President" should be caps here, if I'm interpreting MOS:OFFICE correctly
• "the 1842–43 elections" → consider linking 1842–43 United States House of Representatives elections
• "the 1840–41 elections" → consider linking 1840–41 United States House of Representatives elections
• "the Whigs economic plan" → should be possessive, "the Whigs' economic plan"
• "which made them look incompetent" → I would attribute this, so it doesn't sound like it's WP's voice
• "White was the Whigs choice" → should be possessive

Post speakership

• Should "Post speakership" have a hyphen?
• "a debate was held" → I think this sounds better as active voice, so you can also easily specify who was holding the debate ("... ___ held a debate...")
• "The house subsequently" → "House"
• "and in a second vote his nomination" → was the second vote part of the procedure or did something happen with the first?

That's what I've got on prose from first read-through. Mostly minor stuff, overall the article is well done. I'll have another read-through and a look at sourcing once you get to these - no rush! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 14:14, 22 May 2024 (UTC)

I was unable to find anything in the sources that states anything about Whites view of slavery. Otherwise, I believe I've addressed your concerns.  Kentuckian |💬   14:59, 24 May 2024 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.