Talk:Julia Lennon/GA2

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: –MuZemike 02:05, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

Lead issues

• I feel that the second sentence in the lead (He was her first and the only child of her marriage to Alfred Lennon.) should not be in there, as the focus, at least in the lead, should remain on Julia as opposed to John. I think that second sentence unnecessarily shifts that focus to John.

Done.--andreasegde (talk) 10:30, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

• The lead could use just a little more expansion IMO. I would merge that orphaned third paragraph in one of the first two paragraphs and then expand both of them a tad more (since you have about 18K of prose, two full summary paragraphs should suffice).

Done.--andreasegde (talk) 10:30, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

Prose issues

Note: I did make a few grammar corrections myself, but I am not that accustomed to British English grammar and structure. If I made any edits that are inconsistent with British English rules, feel free to correct them.

• On those citations that go to the BBC (#36 and #59), please change to "BBC News Online" as the proper name of the website.

Done.--andreasegde (talk) 10:30, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

• In the "Julia and Jacqui" section: After the success of The Beatles,... as he had never legally married Julia. - that sentence is too long and drawn-out. I recommend splitting that sentence in two so that it's easier for readers to digest.

Done.--andreasegde (talk) 10:30, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

Conclusions

On hold pending resolution to the few issues mentioned above. Just a side comment, I was considering having the reference in the lead that John wrote "Mother" as a result of his mother's death, on the grounds that it's not verified anywhere in the article; however, I think it's obvious enough of a connection that I'll let that slide. That being said, the sources look pretty good, it looks fairly broad in coverage, and it's a decent read. –MuZemike 02:05, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

The songs are mentioned in the 'Influence on John Lennon' section.--andreasegde (talk) 10:43, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, MuZemike. I'll start work on it today.--andreasegde (talk) 08:59, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

One thing before I pass for GA: that last sentence you added in the lead, you will need to have an inline citation there, as that is a quote. –MuZemike 19:34, 27 March 2011 (UTC)

In the lead? It's already referenced in the article, but I'll copy it.--andreasegde (talk) 10:29, 28 March 2011 (UTC)

Done.--andreasegde (talk) 10:30, 28 March 2011 (UTC)

Passed. Just remember in the future that quotes in the lead must have a citation, even if you don't use citations in the lead (which is normal practice, anyways). Anyways, good work on the article; it is significantly better than when it was a GA the first time. –MuZemike 16:09, 29 March 2011 (UTC)

Didn't know that, and thanks for telling me! I thank you for the review as well.

)--andreasegde (talk) 21:05, 29 March 2011 (UTC)