Talk:June 2009 Washington Metro train collision/GA1

GA Review

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Comments:

1. Citations are not supposed to be in the lead as it is a summary of the article.
2. The sentence "A moving train collided with a train stopped ahead of it, causing its lead car to telescope, and causing the deaths of the train operator and eight passengers, making it the deadliest crash in the history of the Washington Metro." sounds wordy.
3. How come there is an inconsistency between how the time is presented (12 hour vs. 24 hour) in the first sentence of the Collision section and the timeline. Also, the first sentence says 5:03 PM while the timeline says 5:02 PM. Which is it?
4. Citation needed for "The 1000 series entered service in 1976 when the Metro system opened, and were refurbished and had their motors converted from DC to AC propulsion by Breda Costruzioni Ferroviarie in the mid-1990s."
5. Citation also needed for "While the 1000-series cars are fitted with anticlimber devices to prevent deadly telescoping, it is not known why these devices have failed in their intended function."
6. There are some short paragraphs in the Initial inquiry section. Can these be combined to form longer paragraphs?
7. Citation needed for "WMATA is disabling each circuit that cannot be immediately fixed and has created an online circuit tracking system, similar to its elevator outage tracker."
8. Citation also needed for "The cars are automatically driven by on-board systems called Automatic Train Operation and Automatic Train Control, which communicate with a central computer system in Washington."

I am placing the article on hold. Dough4872 (talk) 17:14, 6 September 2009 (UTC)

• I have fixed problem 2 above by removing the reference to telescoping, which is covered in the first paragraph ("Collision") of the rest of the article. --Tkynerd (talk) 17:50, 6 September 2009 (UTC)
• Item 3 above has been corrected by using the time in the cited reference and making all times in 12-hour format Truthanado (talk) 23:47, 6 September 2009 (UTC)
• I believe I have corrected the remaining issues noted. I combined some of the paragraphs in the inquiry section and integrated the timeline section into the prose description of the collision. Thank you. The V-Man ^{(Said · Done)} 06:49, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

I will now pass the article. Dough4872 (talk) 14:37, 9 September 2009 (UTC)