Talk:Katherine Clark/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 11:22, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

Comments

• Not familiar with the subject, but using an existing GA on a similar topic (Joseph P. Kennedy III) on what to expect.
• Starting at the end first, concerns with references:
  • Bare URLs e.g. refs 11, 40, 42, 43.
  • Incomplete refs, e.g. refs 18, 37, 41 etc (be consistent with the amount of data you provide, e.g. retrieval dates should be present for the online sources consistently). PDFs should be listed as PDFs and have page numbers/ranges included.
  • Reliability, what makes "Ballotpedia" reliable?
• Back to the top, the lead only summarises her very recent career, it should summarise the whole article.
• Not sure why you feel the need to repeat her full name in the "Early life and career" section.
• "She studied abroad in" is "abroad" really needed since it's obvious that Japan isn't in the US.
• "...state Office of Child Care Services." unreferenced.
• "She moved to Melrose..." new para, start as "Clark moved..." Check for other instances.
• " Massachusetts State Senate" appears to simply be called "Massachusetts Senate", shouldn't you be referring to it by its formal and correct name?
• Would put the " 57%-43%" after "lost" rather than leave it to the end of the sentence.
• Festa mentioned three times in one sentence is poor prose.
• "That year she was appointed " new para, use "Clark", and avoid starting new paragraphs with a prose dependency on the previous paragraph.
• " 63%-37%" just check that's using an en-dash please.
• " tax (increase) certainly " shouldn't that be [increase] if you're not quoting totally directly? Or did she say (increase)?
• Link pro-choice appropriately.
• "he year awards from the Massachusetts Municipal Association and the " avoid this kind of external linking.
• "which are often used as pawns in abusive relationships" sounds like personal opinion/OR.
• wiretapping is a little colloquial for me, perhaps "telephone tapping".
• "2013–2015" see WP:DATERANGE.

Quite a bit to do, so I'll put it on hold for a week. The Rambling Man (talk) 13:14, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• No activity here, so I've failed the nomination. The Rambling Man (talk) 13:09, 18 March 2014 (UTC)