Talk:Katherine Pulaski/GA1

Latest comment: 9 years ago by Viriditas in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Viriditas (talk · contribs) 05:45, 8 January 2015 (UTC)Reply


Disambiguation

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Images

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Infobox

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Lead

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  • Note, I've temporarily removed it from the lead. I think it should go in the body of the article. The source doesn't actually say it's her fave episode, although that's a somewhat fair paraphrase (but not one I would use). The source says it's an episode that she thinks "worked best".[2] Try to revisit the source and then add it back to the body, and maybe the lead. It would help greatly if you could find other supporting sources for this statement as well, just to make sure it is indeed her "fave" ep. Viriditas (talk) 22:57, 18 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
  • @Miyagawa: I think the summary of the criticism in the lead needs a rewrite. Simply writing "Reviewers criticized Pulaski's behaviour, describing her as annoying" is not helpful. As readers, we want to know why she is annoying. I'll take a stab at it, and you can join in. Viriditas (talk) 22:39, 18 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
  • @Miyagawa: I have further copyedited the lead. Please review. Viriditas (talk) 03:51, 19 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
  • @Miyagawa: I just reread the lead and moved some content around. I have tried to read as if I didn't know anything about the topic (not easy to do, which is why I avoided it for several days). When I did, I realized that the lead doesn't give a good general impression of what she did and what she accomplished. Think about adding two sentences to the first paragraph about the major accomplishments of her character as mentioned in the appearances section. For example, she operated on Picard, etc. Viriditas (talk) 05:38, 23 January 2015 (UTC)Reply

Concept and development

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  • @Miyagawa: There's still problems with this section. I made a large copyedit to fix the structural narrative.[3] Please review and see if you can't also tighten it up a bit. Notice, for example, how I made the chronology flow naturally: Roddenberry drops McFadden > Berman disagrees > Roddenberry writes her out > McFadden departs > New vacancy > Producers contact Muldaur. Do you see how the narrative now flows logically as opposed to before? See if you can't re-read this section and do the same thing. Viriditas (talk) 10:37, 21 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
  • @Miyagawa: Made additional copyedits to this section and removed the bit about her not auditioning for TOS (that came out of nowhere with no explanation), made the full usage of TOS consistent (you were using both ST:TOS and just TOS, not consistent), and removed the quote which had little to do with the character, but retained the "hard work" part, which is relevant. Viriditas (talk) 05:28, 23 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
  • This section is done, unless there are other concerns. Viriditas (talk) 22:57, 23 January 2015 (UTC)Reply

Appearances

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  • The structure and grouping in this episode isn't really clear. Is it just a chronological retelling of her major appearances? Viriditas (talk) 23:13, 16 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
  • However, the transporter would later save Pulaski's life in "Unnatural Selection" after she was infected with a disease that rapidly aged her which originated from the planet Gagarin IV. She manages to work out a way to remove the infection using the transporters, and is returned to her previous appearance.
  • @Miyagawa:. I've copyedited this section; please review. Can you move the "Pen Pals" detail from novels to appearances, and expand upon it if necessary? Viriditas (talk) 02:19, 25 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
    • Thanks, I've made a couple of minor copyedits (I initially changed immigrate to emigrate, but after looking it up properly, I thought migrate was more appropriate). I've moved the "Pen Pals" information to the section, slotting it into the medical-centric paragraph (that's the correct order of episodes, and the subject matter fits quite nicely). Miyagawa (talk) 11:13, 25 January 2015 (UTC)Reply

Reception and commentary

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  • In their 1998 book, Star Trek 101
  • Her relationship with Data was further considered in the book Enterprise Zones: Critical Positions on Star Trek, where she is described as "challenging Data in terms of his machine nature" in "The Child", and suggesting that his emotionless state is comparative to slavery and referencing Maya Angelou's 1969 work I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.
  • Pulaski was also shown as demonstrating the Star Trek opinion on cloning in the episode "Up The Long Ladder" according the book Deep Space and Sacred Time: Star Trek in the American Mythos, as after the theft of both hers and Riker's genetic material by colonists in order to produce new clones to increase their population, the duo destroy the incubation chambers "as if the they were truly demonic abominations".
    • Another mouthful! I only understand this because I know the topic, but I'm afraid other readers will not. What is the "Start Trek opinion" on cloning? You're also missing the word "to" here: "according the book Deep Space..." Split these sentences up and explain them to the reader. You explain the "opinion" in so many words at the end of the section, but gently introduce a summary of it in the beginning. Viriditas (talk) 23:01, 16 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
  • @Miyagawa:. We're almost done, but I'm having trouble with this section. You write:

Her relationship with Data was further considered in the book Enterprise Zones: Critical Positions on Star Trek

  • I would like to note the author here, as there appear to be many. Also, I'm not exactly sure what this means:

she is described as "challenging Data in terms of his machine nature" in "The Child".

  • What is the nature of this challenge? You also write:

it was suggested that his emotionless state is comparative to slavery due to the reference in the episode to Maya Angelou's 1969 work I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

  • How is it comparable? Describe what you mean. Also:

DeCandido considered the same event in "The Child" and instead compared it to the relationship between Spock and McCoy from The Original Series.

See also

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Notes

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References

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Criteria

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GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:  
    Lead: copyedits needed (see above)
    Concept and development: copyedits needed (see above)
    Reception and commentary: copyedits needed (see above)
    Appearances: copyedits needed (see above)
    B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:  
    WP:OVERLINK: lead
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. Has an appropriate reference section:  
    B. Citations to reliable sources, where necessary:  
    C. No original research:  
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:  
    B. Focused:  
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:  
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:  
    B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:  
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:  
    Minor issues. Viriditas (talk) 23:14, 16 January 2015 (UTC)Reply
    So, those minor issues turned into major issues once my eyes were opened to what was really going on here. Let's face it, this article wasn't ready for GA; I thought a few minor changes could salvage it, but I was wrong. On the other hand, the nominator saw the same problems as I did and made an excellent effort to fix them. I helped with copyedting, but I did more work than I wanted to do. To pass this article, I removed material that deviated from the topic or duplicated material found in the appearances sections. In some cases, I found that the wrong quote or source was listed and I fixed that as well. If the nominator wants to add the cloning material back, it should attempt to 1) stay on the topic of Pulaski and her opinions about cloning, and 2) refrain from duplicating the appearance section. The previous version did both, and that didn't work. If you're going to put in the reception section, then cite a notable opinion about the cloning. The previous version didn't do this and merely repeated the appearance material. With that material removed, I'm passing it in its current form. Viriditas (talk) 06:28, 28 January 2015 (UTC)Reply