Talk:Kaze to Ki no Uta/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Alexandra IDV (talk · contribs) 19:40, 17 February 2022 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this - please ping me if I haven't done so yet by the end of this week.--Alexandra^IDV 19:40, 17 February 2022 (UTC)

Comments by RoseCherry64

Not a full review, I only checked statements cited to Fujimoto 2004. RoseCherry64 (talk) 23:03, 19 February 2022 (UTC)

Additional drive-by comment, the word kishu ryūritan (貴種流離譚) is likely incomprehensible to most readers, and it's not wikilinked to anything. The current odd romanization kishuriuuitan gives one Google hit, this article, so at least change the romanization. Replacing it with hero's journey or monomyth will probably not lose much context. RoseCherry64 (talk) 00:06, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 02:26, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

Still reads a bit hard to understand for average readers. Maybe interlanguage link the term to ja.wiki instead of including the kanji in prose and add an explanation of it, like done for other loanwords like "shōnen-ai (male–male romance)" in the article? Other changes are fine! RoseCherry64 (talk) 13:26, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

I just made kishu ryūritan as a stub and linked it in the article. Morgan695 (talk) 18:43, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

Good job, surprised any prior coverage of the term was not found on en wiki. No further comments atm, but if during the GAN process an additional reviewer is desired, just ping me. RoseCherry64 (talk) 19:45, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

Sources

• Fujimoto 2004 should include the translators in the citation.

Added. Morgan695 (talk) 02:26, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

• Matsui 1993 chapter is capitalized using sentence case, but all other sources use title case. (MOS:ALLCAPS)

Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 02:26, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

• One quote cited to Fujimoto 2004, p. 84 redacts three words, either use ellipses or include the full quote.

WP: "the mechanisms by which women cannot help falling into self-hatred"

Actual article: "the mechanisms by which women cannot help falling into a state of self-hatred"

Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 02:26, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

• I think the use of the word "internalized misogyny" when summarizing Fujimoto 2004, p. 84–85 might not be the best choice of words. The word has different implications than just "self-hatred", which is used in the source. From my understanding, the term is somewhat controversial and is also something that picked up in usage over the last 10 years (Ngrams seem to confirm this).
  • Revised to "sexism". Morgan695 (talk) 02:26, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

Grammar

• misogynistic statements against reader -> misogynistic statements against the reader

Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 02:26, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

Review

Well, if Rose is done I will actually start my review. I will be back shortly.--Alexandra^IDV 10:03, 21 February 2022 (UTC)

Synopsis

• I have not read this series, but will assume that the summary is accurate
• "Hallucinating under the influence of the former," sounds a bit unusual, as if we might have guessed that he was hallucinating from doing sex work - I would recommend rewriting this sentence.
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Characters

• "The following is a list of major characters" - I don't think this is necessary, it's already self-evident that the primary and secondary characters are the major characters of the work.
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• "fourteen year old" is used as an adjective, so it should be hyphenated
  • Done. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• On the other hand, I do not see why "ill-treatment" is hyphenated - isn't "ill" just used as an adjective modifying "treatment"?
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• "depend on neither on the church" - you have one "on" too many
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Context

• "aimed at and audience" should presumably be "an"
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• Do you by "older teenage readers" mean "teenagers, who are older than the previous target demographic" (kind of redundant) or "readers in their late teens"?
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• Could you add the Japanese spelling of Yuki to Hoshi to Tenshi to... (presumably "雪と星と天使と…" unless it spells the words in kana?)
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• Was it actually titled In the Sunroom, or is that just your/your source's translation of the title? If so, you should say it was titled Sunroom Nite (サンルームにて, Sanrūmu Nite, "In the Sunroom")
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Production

• Unsure if "different" needs to be written with quotation marks - you have already spent some time explaining the state of shoujo manga at the time, so I don't think it's too subjective of a word to use in Wikipedia's voice.
  • "Different" is a direct quote from Takemiya, but I've revised the section. "Different" felt too imprecise if it's not a direct quotation, so I replaced it with "radical" (not in quotes in the article text). Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• "None could speak French, so the group communicated with locals using drawings; Takemiya reports that "at an information desk of a hotel, I explained that we needed a room with a bathtub and shower, drawing illustrations."" - I love this anecdote and appreciate that you found a way to fit it into the article.
  • Thanks!. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• Even with the link (you really went above and beyond in creating that article, by the way), I think adding a brief parenthetical such as ("noble wandering narrative") after kishu ryūritan would be great. ENWP's readers cannot be expected to know that term, and it feels like we could do better if (almost) every reader needs to click it to learn the definition.
  • Added. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• "write a sexually explicit" should probably be followed by a noun
  • Added. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Release

• Considering you already say it was collected in the tankoubon volumes, I don't know if the explanatory "(collected editions)" adds anything.
  • Removed. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• I feel uncertain about citing a 2008 source for the statement "As of 2022, Kaze to Ki no Uta remains unpublished in English."
  • Removed. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Gender

• Would "presumed female reader" work better than "ostensibly female reader"?
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• Would avoid using "male" as a noun when referring to people, it sounds oddly clinical.
  • Is there a specific area in the section where it feels awkward? The section is making a specific point about male characters being interpreted by female readers, so I think it's important to note explicitly even if it does sound clinical. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
    • I only have an issue with it used as a noun in reference to people - using it as an adjective ("male characters") or alternatively "boys"/"men" does not bring the issue of making it sound as if we're talking about animals.--Alexandra^IDV 09:16, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Occidentalism

• "attitdues" - attitudes
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Reception and legacy

• "Roughly 4.9 million copies of collected volumes of Kaze to Ki no Uta are in print" - might be good to add "as of..." to this
  • Sadly, the source does not specify a year that the figure is from. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Adaptations and related media

• "An anime film adaptation of Kaze to Ki no Uta, titled Kaze to Ki no Uta Sanctus: Sei Naru Kana (風と木の詩 SANCTUS－聖なるかな－, lit."The Poem of Wind and Trees Sanctus: Is It Holy?"), was released as an original video animation (OVA) on November 6, 1987." feels very cluttered. I would suggest skipping the Japanese writing of the title (since this already is in the lead) or footnoting it and shortening "An anime film adaptation of Kaze to Ki no Uta, titled Kaze..." "The anime film Kaze..."
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• Do we know what year the audio drama aired?
  • Source does not specify, sadly. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)
• Like before, is "Gilbert's Requiem" an actual title for this work or a translation for the sake of WP's readers? I would refer to it as "Gilbert no Requiem"
  • Revised. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Images

• Seems fine.

References

• Seems fine. I would suggest adding English translations of the titles of the few non-English sources you cite, but this is not part of the GA criteria.
  • Added. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

Nice work on an article about a historically important manga. I will put this on hold for the usual seven days - {{ping}} me if you have any questions, or when you have addressed the above, and I will be back asap.--Alexandra^IDV 23:32, 21 February 2022 (UTC)

@Alexandra IDV: Reply to comments above. Morgan695 (talk) 00:11, 22 February 2022 (UTC)

@Morgan695: Thank you! I have done some further minor edits and think this is ready for promotion to GA now.--Alexandra^IDV 09:16, 22 February 2022 (UTC)