Talk:Kusumoto Ine

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Kusumoto Ine/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:50, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Interesting article, I would love to review this. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:50, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

• Thanks! Feel free to split hairs! Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 07:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

• I think I am notorious for nitpicking ;) Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:22, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Beautiful work. Here are my comments:

Lead

• daughter of Kusumoto Taki, who was a courtesan from Nagasaki; and the German physician Philipp Franz von Siebold, You may simply say "Nagasaki courtesan Kusumoto Taki".
  • I feel like that might imply more than might be strictly true. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • No change needed if there is some uncertainty. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• where foreigners were restricted during Japan's long period of seclusion from the world It may be unclear if the "where" refers to Kusumoto's birthplace or Dejima.
  • Is this better?—who worked on Dejima, an island foreigners were restricted to Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Yes. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• For which names do you provide Japanese translations and for which do you not?
  • I try to limit it to the most key names to reduce clutter. I'd meant to move them to endnotes to improve readablility, which I've now done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• "Feudal lord" may be appropriately wikilinked
  • Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• Mention the cause of death
  • I'm not sure it's due weight for the lead—most of the sources don't even mention the cause. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • The cause of death is generally notable. If it clearly isn't noted here, then no need to include. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Life and career

• This is a very long section, please divide it into subsections.
  • What do you think? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Cool. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• Wikilink "artificial island", "apochryphal", "obstetrics" and "Date Munenari".
  • Done, except for "apocryphal" (which inapporpriately links to Apocrypha), and Munenari, which is already linked in the lead, at first appearance in the body, and in a caption. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• Many names have been linked (I am not sure if they should be) and are redlinks, but her mother's name isn't.
  • I've looked at the sources, and it's unlikely her mother will ever warrant an article. The others have articles on the Japanese-language Wikipedia, and likely warrant articles in English. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• they waved him goodbye from a small boat in the harbour as his ship pulled away Something like "as his ship left" would be less dramatic. The wording is good but may look unencyclopedic and story-like to some.
  • Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• Any idea who Wasaburō was?
  • I haven't found anything yet—not even his surname—but I'll keep looking. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• She returned to Nagasaki...granted her this child "for free". Swap this sentence with the previous one.
  • I ended up rewriting this as well—could you take a look? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Better. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• that 4 August "4 August that year" would read better
  • Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• carried out by Meerdervoort "Van Meerdervoort"
  • Done. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• Is 100 yen still a considerable sum? If not, it should be clarified that it was so in those days.
  • Today it's about a US dollar; at the time Yen were much more vaulable, and divided into sen "pennies". I think I'd rather leave it at "considerable" rather than deal with inflation-adjusted numbers, which need to be handled with care. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Alright. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• the financial support of her father; she never married "She never married" seems out of place here. This is a significant fact of her life, and deserves a prominent mention.
  • I've bumped it to the next paragraph, which is kind of a summing up of random tidbits like this. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Legacy

• What is Ehime 2012?
  • Stupid typo. Fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• A volume written by Hamada Keiko The line seems to be incomplete
  • Misplace braces. Fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Images

• The caption of the infobox image says "an elderly woman", and not "Kusumoto Ine".
  • There shouldn't be a caption. are you sure that's not the alt text? Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
    • Sorry, I meant alt text. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
      • Added her name. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 09:37, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• No caption for the last image?
  • Syntax error—fixed. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 08:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
• All images are properly licensed.
• One more thing – can the last image be aligned to right? It seems it is sandwiching the text. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:06, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
  • Sure. Moved. Curly Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 09:37, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

No copyvio spotted, no dablinks or duplinks. I am done with the comments. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:29, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Great, I am happy to promote this. Cheers! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:39, 15 May 2016 (UTC)