Talk:Las Lomas High School

Additions to this page

We are former students of Las Lomas High School and we are currently attending Cal Poly University. For a project in an english class we are taking, we are required to make an addition to a wikipedia article. Over the next week, we will be expanding on this article. Further expansion will include subarticles about athletics, facilities, academics, etc. We just wanted to put this small portion up to see what feedback it would recieve.

Our groups contribution

As a part of our English 145 class, we decided that we would make additions to the Las Lomas High School article. Before we started there was a small stub of information about the school and we decided to expand from there. Our group made contributions in the areas of academics, district history, school location, athletics, graduation requirements, school organizations, and Las Lomas in the news. We felt all of these catergories would add to the importance and relevance of the existing article.

Most of the information that we used was obtained from the Las Lomas High School webpage or the district webpage. We also used outside sources affiliated with both the district and the school. A local newspaper webpage was used as well for the Las Lomas in the news section.

We felt that if we were going to expand this article then it needed to be a broad spectrum of information that focused on mulitple aspects of the school and its activities. As our end product, we felt that we were able to bring in different aspects of the school and what it has to offer anyone, not just its students or faculty.--Fishsticks4 22:42, 15 May 2007 (UTC)Fishsticks4 —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Fishsticks4 (talk • contribs) 22:40, 15 May 2007 (UTC).

instructor comment

helpful comments on discussion page.

sources need to be cited throughout the article

What about a lead? Does all the material in History belong there?

learn proper format for its and it's: Confusion of its and it's: It's is a contraction of "it is" and should be used without contraction where not in quotations, as above. Its is the possessive of it, and should be used in the same way as my, his, her, our etc.

"downtown suburb of Walnut Creek" phrase makes no sense

the description of the city is not relevant to article's topic

"The Acalanes Union High School District places great importance on academics and is well known for its academic achievements and as a result it is one of the top districts in the state of California." wordy and repetitious

"An unbelievable" delete ". These areas are" delete

"Within each of these subjects, the students are provided with many different options and levels of difficulty. For example, within the Foreign Language department alone, students are given the choice of six higher level foreign language courses. These six courses are" condense, repetitious and wordy

"pass the course with the needed requirements"

"The Foreign Language Department is not the only department which offers a selection of AP courses. " filler

"These courses are designed mainly for juniors and seniors to receive school to career preparation via high school courses. "

"implements a number of standards and benchmarks that all of the student body have to abide by. The benchmarks and standards apply to all of the “core content” classes that include classes ranging from foreign language to sciences and everything in between." read this

"The credit must be obtained in a number of courses. With 20 credits in Physical Education, 10 credits of World History,10 credits of US History, 10 credits of US Government/ Economics, 40 credits of English, 20 credits of a Biological and Physical Science ( 10 each), and finally 20 credits of fine arts." filler, sentence fragment

"Of course"

"in all "

"Athletes Moved On" say "Athlete alumni"

"looking at "

"The first organization is the PTSA which is a combined effort "

"that helps keep the campus running smoothly. This group is made to "

"They not only work to spread appreciation within the campus but within the" "The final large campus wide organization at Las Lomas High is the Associated Student Body. This is a" wordy

"atmosphere of school spirit and appreciation and also opening up the opportunities within the surrounding community for volunteer service. The students will also form specific fundraisers for events that may have taken place within their communites or communities nation wide that are in need.[5]" awkward and wordy

"The use of the breathalyzers is to eliminate any possible problems that the school may face with students showing up to events intoxicated." awkward and wordy

"to breathalyzer one student is about five seconds. Currently Las Lomas has four different machines to breath alyzer their student which makes the process faster." proofread

"The consequences for any student caught with even the smallest trace of alcohol is a five-day suspension. As of recently the administration has had zero offenses with alcohol since they began using the breathalyzers.[6]" proofread

This has the ingredients of an informative article, but the quality of writing throughout is below satisfactory.

C-

```` —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Rudolph2007 (talk • contribs) 17:04, 16 May 2007 (UTC).

Grade change after edit

Is our grade going to change?

Sources

The article needs third-party references. Corvus cornix<sub>talk</sub> 23:25, 28 November 2007 (UTC)

External links modified

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