Talk:Legends of Tomorrow season 3/GA1

Latest comment: 1 month ago by Rollinginhisgrave in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Nominator: OlifanofmrTennant (talk · contribs) 21:33, 4 June 2024 (UTC)Reply

Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 13:00, 29 September 2024 (UTC)Reply

I'll be reviewing this for GARC ~ Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 13:00, 29 September 2024 (UTC)Reply

Prose and content

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  • The season is produced some issues with tense like this in the lead: while you can say the series is "based on characters" etc, in the present tense, production is an event in the past. Repeating issue.
  • the Waverider gloss
I don't see a gloss for this  clock
  • Rip Hunter's new Time Bureau, a replacement organization for the Time Masters I am very lost
So the Time Masters were a fictional organisation who oversaw time.
Give a brief note of this. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 01:44, 3 October 2024 (UTC)Reply
  • In 1942 Zambesi you link a river for Zambesi, what does it mean for "in 1942 Zambesi"?
Fixed
Is Zambesi a fictional location then?  clock
  • Amaya learns of Mari's vigilantism and leaves Nate. leaves him in what way?
Fixed
I don't see a change.  clock
  • Barnum captures Ray and Jax while Nate informs the Legends informs them of what?
Fixed
  • Amaya reveals to him why she left him in 2017. like physically left him behind in 2017? Or broke up with him?
Fixed
  • hydrokinetic explain better what this means
Fixed
  • for finding certain about her powers finding out certain things?
fixed
I can't see a change.
Still needs "out"  clock
  • who advises her to trust the increasing strength trust her increasing strength? Is she gaining strength?
yup fixed.
  • ditches the team very informal
fixed

I am going to leave this review here for now. The episodes list is very confusing, and not just because I'm unfamiliar with the show. Ping me when you copyedit this and I'll continue.

[continuing (restarting)]

  • steal the Waverider and capture the real Caesar so the Caesar before was fake?
Yes he was the "wrong man"
Reword this sentence as it's unclear that Caesar is the wrong man being referred to.  clock
  • Sara escapes, but the baby uses mind control why "but"?
Done
  • Later, Jax asks Ray to help him figure out a way to split Firestorm so that Stein may have a normal life. explain this
  • who is investigating a conspiracy involving Mallus, an ancient archenemy of the Time Masters is this the first time it is explained who Mallus is?
Moved
  • are examples of Mallus' work
Done
  • They discover Darhk's body briefly explain their relation to Darhk (opponent, friend, colleague)
Done
  • but they escape after killing several Bureau agents led by Rip ambiguous who "they" refers to
Done
  • Sara reports Rip to the Bureau and they arrest him in exchange for re-legitimizing the Legends. I don't understand how this exchange works. Why would this be a deal?
  • Jax and Martin swap bodies after a failed attempt to transfer Firestorm to Jax. intentionally or unintentionally?
Done
  • the other male Legends start a fight over Helen what does this mean? With each other? With Helen? With other people? With other people and each other?
Done
  • Meanwhile, Lamarr's switch from actress to operator means she no longer invents FHSS This just drops in that she has apparently switched to an operator. Introduce this.
Done
  • When Nate informs the Legends of his actions. Amaya reveals to him why she broke up with him in 2017. grammar

This section is still extremely confusing. The prose is very ambiguous and poorly written. It feels like it is written for people who have already seen the episodes. The whole episodes list needs a copyedit before I continue. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 01:44, 3 October 2024 (UTC)Reply

[continuing]

  • Sara, visits Amaya and convinces her to return, much to Nate's displeasure. lose the first comma, perhaps also the second
  • discovers the Kusas is this a misspelling of Kuasa?
  • Sara escapes,d the grammar in this sentence
  • after their attempt transfer attempt to transfer
  • Lamarr's lose the 's
  • Jax, inspired by a powerless Sara's abilities powerless because she's in a coma or in general? What abilities are referred to here?
  • succumbing to his injuries MOS:EUPHEMISM, also it doesn't seem like he dies here
  • In episode 9, some inconsistency in referring to young Stein as young Stein, Stein, Martin and Martin Stein
  • but is eventually exposed by the Legends
  • he needs he help of the the help
  • who claims that he needs he help of the Legends with a demon who knows her name and is controlling a little girl. crazy sentence, rewrite to be clearer
  • Constantine tells the Legends about the demon Mallus, whom Sara encountered,
  • reveals that he is tormenting Darhk's daughter Nora Constantine or Mallus is tormenting Nora?
  • before taking Nora out for coffee, Mallus possesses Nora comma inappropriate here
  • by the totem the gives her powers "the gives her powers"?

Suggestions

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  • The series was met with positive reviews from critics. Critics praised the season for its goofiness and cast → from critics who praised (avoid repetition of critics)
fixed
  • in 1870 Wisconsin, when they come across instead of when, "where"

Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:14, 1 October 2024 (UTC)Reply

@Rollinginhisgrave: I have made the copy edits in the episodes list. Interestingly the episode list was the only section I didn't make major edits to Questions? four Olifanofmrtennant (she/her) 15:38, 1 October 2024 (UTC)Reply
All good, always the way. Glad I'll be able to get to stuff that is less confusing. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 01:44, 3 October 2024 (UTC)Reply
@Rollinginhisgrave: so I copy edited the list. I left the cross over one alone as it includes epiosdes not in the list. Any issues I missed or are we good to move on? Questions? four Olifanofmrtennant (she/her) 04:00, 5 October 2024 (UTC)Reply
@Rollinginhisgrave: Questions? four Olifanofmrtennant (she/her) 14:34, 5 October 2024 (UTC)Reply
Failing this, some really obvious grammar and spelling mistakes after I've asked you to copyedit it twice. I've asked you three times to reword "Amaya learns of Mari's vigilantism and leaves Nate." to make it clearer and nothing has changed. Although less confusing, it's still quite confusing. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 03:11, 6 October 2024 (UTC)Reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.