Talk:Lion Heart (album)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

---

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 07:31, 18 September 2016 (UTC)

Soon... Cartoon network freak (talk) 07:31, 18 September 2016 (UTC)

Comments on prose

• I see you over-use the word "album", thus leading to the article having various word repetitions. Please take the article sentence-by-sentence and try to alternate with other words, such as "record" and its name. With that being said, I'm not going to take care of this in my GA review.

Lead

• Korean → Korean language
• album by → album recorded by
• Lion Heart is musically → Lion Heart musically portrays
• How can an album be released in two parts? You need further explanation.
• August 18 and 19, 2015, by → August 18 and August 19, 2015 by
• Word repetitions with "released"
• album produced → album spawned
• word repetition through "single"
• August 18 and 19 → in August 2015
• Unlink "South Korean Music Programs"
• and performed songs → where they performed material
• no need to automatically add a comma after dates
• It was nonetheless a commercial success → Lion Heart experienced commercial acclaim ("it was a success" is leaned towards [[WP:FANCRUFT|fancruft)
• word repetition through "peaked atop"

Infobox

• You need to add an alternative text for the cover artwork

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:06, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Background and composition

• The background information can be removed, as their background isn't important for this and can be read any time on their own Wiki-article.
• several word repetitions through "bubbblegum pop" through the entire section
• and "Bump It" is a hybrid of various genres that incorporates hi-hat beats → split and make another sentence

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:06, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Release and promotion

• set a dash after "You Think" as well.
• Korean → Korean language
• The album's details including its title Lion Heart, the release dates, the cover artwork and the tracklist were announced on August 12, 2015. → Details on albums, including its title, release date, cover artwork and tracklist were announced on August 12, 2015
• throughout two days → in the span of two days
• Another edition with a different cover titled You Think → An alternative edition of the album with a different artwork—titled You Think—
• was also released → was additionally released
• Unlink "South Korean music programs"
• Word repetition through "the group also"
• continued on to → continued visiting
• Remove "respectively" at the end of the sentence

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:06, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Singles

• Sample is not really needed without a further explanation.
• In the first sentence, you have word repetition through "released"
• from Lion Heart; it was released for → from Lion Heart for
• More repetitions through the section through "released"; alternate with "it was made available for digital download/consumption/purchase" or such.
• July 8 → July 8, 2015
• A music video song → An accompanying music video for the recording
• commercial success → fancruft
• July 5-11 → only date the week ended is important
• Too many repetitions with "released", "Lion Heart", "music video" and others

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:06, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Reception

• Link "music critics" to music journalism
• she added: → she added,
• Chester Chin writing for Malaysian newspaper The Star → Add commas before "writing" and after "The Star"
• Unlink "The Star"
• and criticized → and criticizing
• and appreciated → and appreciating
• Same comment as in the lead with "It was a commercial success" due to fancruft
• August 18–22 → August 22 (when the week ended is what we need)
• word repetition through "best-selling album"
• country, with accumulated sales standing at 145,044 copies → country, having brought total sales to 145,044 units.
• set a comma after "2013 album"

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:12, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Track listing

• You have to add a "Credits adapted from..." sentence here as well.
• Was the tracklist of the other releases the same?

Credits and personnel

• Credits adapted from Lion Heart liner notes → Credits adapted from the liner notes of Lion Heart
• Per MOS:ALBUM#Personnel, the composers and producers shouldn't be added in the credits section once they were incorporated in "Track listing"
• You should wiki-link some words on their first appearance (a.e recording engineer, hair stylist etc)

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:45, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Charts

• For a more aesthetic look, you can list the monthly and yearly charts in a column on the right of the weekly charts. (example).

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:06, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Release history

• Unlink all formats and labels

 Done DepressedPer (talk) 23:06, 1 October 2016 (UTC)

Outcome

• Put this article  On hold for 7 days. Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:32, 26 September 2016 (UTC)

@DepressedPer: Passing! Congrats, Cartoon network freak (talk) 19:23, 2 October 2016 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.