Talk:Lomana LuaLua/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality:

   B. MoS compliance:

• Background

• "Forest Gate Community school" - school should be in capitals here as it the name, also did he not attend the school before the age of 13 as it only states "as a teenager"? My knowledge of education in England is that high/secondary school starts around 11/12. There's also no reference to this.
• Leyton Sixth Form College in London ...Leyton shouldn't be linked in the name of the college, also Leyton isn't in London (as in the capital city), but in Greater London. See WP:LINKING.
• Spotted by the club...probably needs to be a bit more specific as he was spotted by a coach from the club

• Expanded Spiderone 19:50, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

• Why is his unusual goal celebration in this section and more specifically at then end of a section to do with his early life/career?

• Moved Spiderone 19:50, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

• I don't think the current clubs of his family should be included in the family links section, as they will need to be kept up to date and not really relevant to Lomana (however, that fact that his brother plays for NUFC might be notable). This might slightly be recentism, a second opinion may be needed.

• I agree Spiderone 19:50, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

• "In 2005, LuaLua became patron of the Haslar Visitors Group, a charity that works with detainees in an immigration removal centre,[7] and in 2006, he set up the LuaLua Foundation, building a hostel, sport and education complex in Kinshasa to provide care and education for orphaned children in DR Congo.[8][9]" This para/sentence is a bit long and a bit of a run-on, probably could do with being split.

• Career
• Colchester United

• This section doesn't really tell us much about his Col U career. Two seasons worth are summed up in one sentence, perhaps notable games such as debut/first goal etc should be mentioned.

• Newcastle United

• "LuaLua made his first-team debut in a 1–0 home defeat to Charlton..." as this is the first time Charlton are mention, their fullname be included.
• "Competition for a first-team place meant that LuaLua made only 22 appearances in this season." Is there not always competition for a first-team place? This could be perceived by a non-football fan as LuaLua was NUFC's only striker before.
• Derby should be named as Derby County as per previous point.
• "LuaLua urged manager Bobby Robson to select some of the younger players for the first-team" nothing in the source or quote say anything about younger players. The BBC report(er) is also a bit subjective in the way he interprets the quote saying he's having a pop at the senior players as such.

• The second paragraph mentions younger players. I changed it to squad rotation anyway. Spiderone 15:17, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

• Portsmouth

• "LuaLua scored on his debut for Portsmouth in a 4–3 away defeat to Tottenham Hotspur in February 2003." The transfer to Portsmouth needs to be expanded/reorganised to avoid confusion. In the previous section it says he's already played for Portsmouth, so why's he making his debut against Tottenham?
• "He scored four goals in 15 appearances for Portsmouth as they finished in mid-table in their debut season in the Premiership and manager Harry Redknapp was sufficiently impressed with LuaLua's performances that when his loan spell ended at the end of the 2003/04 season, he signed LuaLua permanently at a cost of £1.75 million.[22]" This sentence is very long and should be broken up. For continuity/MOS reasons, 2003/04 should be 2003–04.
• "LuaLua made 26 league and cup appearances, scoring six goals, including two against local rivals Southampton, in the 2004–05 season, which was marred by a groin injury at the beginning of the season[23][24] and a hamstring injury in May 2005,[25] and disciplinary problems that led to charges by the Football Association of abusive behaviour in December 2004[26] and improper conduct after he was sent off against Blackburn Rovers in January 2005, for which he received an extra one-match ban and a fine of £5,000 in addition to a three-match ban for the dismissal.[27]" Again a massive sentence, this should be broken down into multiple sentences. References shouldn't be mid-sentence but after punctuation.
• "He also missed several games due to international duty at the 2004 African Cup of Nations[30] and missed games in April 2006 after damaging his foot while doing his trademark goal celebration of several back-flips during a game against Arsenal.[31][32]" Another reference mid-sentence. Also 2004 African Cup of Nations has already been linked. The word "trademark" is a bit journalistic and misleading, as it refers to a legal identification of a product/organisation.
• "He ran into disciplinary problems once more when he was warned by the Football Association over his future conduct after he admitted a charge of improper conduct in relation to comments made about referee Uriah Rennie after a 3–1 defeat at Tottenham Hotspur in December.[33]" Again "ran into" is a bit journalistic and should be changed. The sentence should also be broken down, either by being split or use of a comma.
• "LuaLua signed a new three-year contract in July 2006, tying him to Portsmouth until 2009.[34]" The word "tying" again is journalistic and probably needs changing. I'd suggest "keeping him at" or something to that effect.
• "...start performing." change to "start performing" - the period at the end is misleading. Same with the following quote.

• Olympiakos

• Olympiakos is already linked in previous section.
• Are there specific dates for the following events, "He made his 2007–08 Super League debut in a 0–0 draw with Panathinaikos in September 2007.[39] His first goals for his new club came in the following Super League fixture when he scored twice in Olympiakos' 6–2 victory against OFI Crete.[40]" and how many goals did he score against OFI Crete? Also the year after September doesn't need to be there as we already know it's 2007 from previous sentence.
• An ankle injury kept him out of Olympiakos' Champions League first leg tie with Chelsea in February 2008,[42] and a more serious injury, a dislocated shoulder, suffered during a Super League game against Asteras Tripolis in March,[43] meant he missed the second leg Champions League match against Chelsea too.[42] Another long sentence which is a bit run-on'ish.

• Al-Arabi

• "On 30 October 2008, Al-Arabi won the Sheikh Jassem Cup, beating Al Rayyan Club 3–0 in the final with LuaLua scoring one goal in the seventh minute." Year not needed again
• "In January, poor form led to a managerial change with the Brazilian Zé Mario being replaced by the German Uli Stielike.[49]" What does this have to do with LuaLua?

• Removed Spiderone 12:27, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

• The last thing in the article about LuaLua's club career is almost a year old, has nothing significant happened since then? Is he injured/retired? Also the source is questionable, but that is an issue mentioned in the next section.

• "That season Al-Arabi were eliminated in the quarter-finals of the Emir Cup after losing 2–1 to Qatar SC.[49] The 2008–09 Qatari League finished with Al-Arabi in seventh place with eight wins in the 27 matches that were played.[50]" These sentences are padding a bit and probably doesn't belong in LuaLua's article but in Al-Arabi's current season. Is there no info about LuaLua's appearances in the league or other comps?

• I've tried looking at sites such as these [1][2] which don't mention anything. Al-Arabi's site doesn't have an English version [3]. Spiderone 07:55, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

• Actually I've added his first goal for the club. I hope it's enough for GA. Spiderone 08:43, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

• International career

• "He played in the 0–0 draw with Togo,[51] 1–0 loss to Cameroon,[52] 3–1 win over Ivory Coast[53] and the quarter-final game against Senegal, which DR Congo lost 2–0 amid some controversy.[54][55]" Another mid-sentence reference. What was the "controversy"?
• "with a match against Libya." When?
• "He was however included in the squad and named as captain[60] in the absence of regular captain, Shabani Nonda, who missed the tournament due to a knee injury.[61]" Mid-sentence reference.
• FECOFA should be wikilinked and in uppercase as it's an acronym.
• "I play for Congo because I am proud to do it."[64] and apologised to his country for his sending off against Tunisia.[65]" Comma after ref with full-stop removed or start new sentence.
• "He was selected for the World Cup qualifier against South Africa in September 2004 but missed the game due to injury[67] and was dropped for the next qualifier against Ghana in October 2004.[68]" Dates should be looked at and sentence should be split with a comma or full-stop. Ref after punc.
• "LuaLua played for DR Congo in the 2–1 win over Cape Verde Islands in September but contracted malaria[71] and missed the final World Cup qualifier against South Africa in October 2005.[72]" Ref at end of sentence.
• "LuaLua was recalled to the DR Congo squad for a friendly against Tunisia played near Paris in November 2005, part of the countries' preparation for the 2006 African Nations Cup to be held in Egypt in January and February 2006,[73] but he was unable to play after being one of several players refused a visa by French immigration authorities.[74]" Another long sentence that should be split. Also should be "as part of the countries'".
• "despite a pay dispute leading to the DR Congo players threatening to boycott the game, which was only resolved shortly before before the kickoff.[79]" Put this before game details in a sentence, rather than an after thought.
• A section here mentions his son's death. This is quite a big event and I remember it being fairly well reported on, yet there is no mention of family or a "Personal life" section that this could be expanded in.

• Created section and added new info Spiderone 17:22, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

• "He did not travel to Ethiopia for the away fixture in June 2007, as the authorities failed to send him his travel documents in time,[88] and missed the game, which DR Congo lost.[89]" You don't need to mention he didn't play/missed the game twice.
• Overlinking in this section needs attention.
• Dates in this section overall should be looked at. See point below.

• Other

• A point I picked up on towards the end of the club career section and in the international section is that the year(s) don't always have to follow the dates/month if previously mentioned in the para/sentence.
• The infobox hasn't been updated for over a year. Is there anything to update? I know it's not policy etc but have you thought about using the new infobox which I understand is favoured at WP:FOOTY?

• Changed the infobox although some FAs and GAs have the old one for some reason. The source for his Al-Arabi appearances is this [4] and it doesn't look up to date. Spiderone 16:12, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

• A lot of the paragraphs and sentences start with "LuaLua...", can these be changed to help break it up a bit?

1. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. References to sources:

   Online links checked and no dead links etc.

   Some of the sources are presented differently - some are in italics others aren't, some have newspaper publishers listed whilst others don't. I thought it was customary to italicise newspapers but don't think other/online news outlets are. Also the dates are set out differently.

   I think I got them all. Tell me if I missed one. Spiderone 17:15, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

   B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

   What makes NUFC.com reliable, this looks to be a fansite and I'm not sure of the legitamacy of the match report. Also LuaLua's official site looks self published and blogglish. Also www.lomanalualuaofficialwebsite.com is questionable. See WP:RS, WP:V & WP:OR.

   I think LuaLua's official site is OK if there is no substitute. See WP:SELFPUB The NUFC one will be replaced. Spiderone 11:39, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

   C. No original research:

2. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4.Is it neutral?

1. Fair representation without bias:

   As mentioned in #1 there are a few points that need to be addressed and are highlighted there.

5.Is it stable?

1. No edit wars, etc:

2. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

   B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

   Image is fine.

3. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

   I am still in the process of reviewing the article, cheers. --Jimbo^[online] 15:44, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

I've now gone through the article in greater detail. I have put the article on hold for seven days to allow the relevant changes to be made, please discuss relevant issues with the review here. If the above changes can be made I will pass the article. Cheers, --Jimbo^[online] 19:16, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

I think I've addressed everything now. Spiderone 12:58, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Nice work and congratulations. I've now passed the article as GA! --Jimbo^[online] 11:12, 11 September 2009 (UTC)