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Talk:Looping State of Mind/GA1

< Talk:Looping State of Mind
Latest comment: 1 year ago by Kyle Peake in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 1 year ago79 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:17, 18 March 2023 (UTC)Reply

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):  
    b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a. (reference section):  
    b. (citations to reliable sources):  
    c. (OR):  
    d. (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a. (major aspects):  
    b. (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):  
    b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/fail:  

(Criteria marked   are unassessed)

I will get on with this right away! --K. Peake 09:17, 18 March 2023 (UTC)Reply

Infobox and lead

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  • Dumbo Studios → Dumbo in the infobox per the usage of the word studios
  • Replace hlist with bullet points
  • Mention the release date in the opening sentence
  • "Production of the album stemmed from" → "The production stemmed from"
  • "The songs in Looping State of Mind were" → "The songs in the album were"
  • "Looping State of Mind is a techno album" → "It is an ambient and minimal techno album" to be specific
  • Change the SoundCloud sentence to only mentioning it was released on same day as Looping State of Mind rather than reinstating the release date
  • "The album was released physically" → "It was released physically"
  • "Looping State of Mind received critical acclaim for its" → "The album received acclaim from music critics for the"
  • "based on the album" → "based on it"

Background and production

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  • "with bassist Dan Enqvist" → "with bassist Dan Enquvist"
  • "in a studio;" → "in an official studio;" to be specific
  • "in Dumbo Studios, located in Cologne," → "in Dumbo Studios, Cologne,"
  • Mention when the four days were to source a release date
  • "before taking the demos to" → "before taking them to"
  • "a vibraphone, and a few synthesizers" → "a vibraphone and a few synthesizers" with the wikilink
  •   Done for the wikilink, since in this case, the synthesizer isn't a commonly known instrument outside of electronic music as far as I'm aware, and examples of it, in particular, are given in the article.   Not done for the removal of the serial comma. The manual of style does allow for serial commas as per MOS:SERIAL. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)Reply
  • "at Dumbo Studios, and Willner composed" → "at Dumbo Studios and Willner composed"
  • "after the sessions concluded." → "after the conclusion."

Composition

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  • "Similar to the rest of" → "Similarly to the rest of" on the audio sample text
  • Mention the name of the NME reviewer
  • "and minimal techno."" → "and minimal techno"." per MOS:QUOTE
  • "complex development, and" → "complex development and"
  • "basslines, drums, and" → "basslines, drums and"
  • "combines a deep baseline" → "combines a deep bassline"
  • Where are the ambient melodies sourced for "Is This Power"?
  • "is built off of" → "is built off of a"
  • "its emotional tone."" → "its emotional tone"."
  • "that is slowly developed" → "that is gradually developed"
  • ""strangely-emotive" closer, "Sweet Slow Baby", features stuttering" → ""strangely emotive" closer, "Sweet Slow Baby", features clunking" per the source

Release

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  • Retitle to Release and promotion
  • Move the promotional tour to being the sentence after the physical release
  • Make the digital download sentence the last one of the first para
  • "The track "Then It's White" was released the same day on" → "The same day as the album's release, "Then It's White" was shared on"
  • "of "It's Up There", and a" → "of "It's Up There" and a"

Reception

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  • Add the first sentence as "Looping State of Mind was met with..." mentioning the level of praise it got from music critics
  • "According to the review aggregator website Metacritic," → "At Metacritic, which assigns a normalized rating out of 100 to reviews from mainstream publications, the album received an average score of..." adding the score from the sidebar and this as the second sentence
  • Cut down the Metacritic quote
  • "more subtly lateral thinkers."" → "more subtly lateral thinkers"." per MOS:QUOTE
  • Italicise Looping State of Mind and cut down the Consequence quote
  • "Alex Young opined," → "Alex Young opined that"
  • "confident and purposeful."" → "confident and purposeful"."
  • "after Yesterday and Today, and that the" → "after Yesterday and Today and the"
  • "the top of his game."" → "the top of his game"."

Accolades

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  • Mention some of the higher rankings on the year-end lists at the start of this sub-section in prose
  • Remove pipe on Beats Per Minute
  • "as among the best electronic albums." → "as the 26th best electronic album of the past 30 years up to 2022." per the source
  •   Done in regards to setting the date for the list.   Not done for adding the specific rank. The list is not ranked in order of quality; it is ranked in order of release date. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)Reply
  • Year-end lists → Year-end lists for Looping State of Mind
  • Refs should be centered

Track listing

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  • Where is this sourced to?

Personnel

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  • Shouldn't Axel Willner be credited as The Field per the source?
  •   Done kinda: The source says, "Polished and engineered exquisitely by Dumbo’s studio technician, Jan Philipp Janzen." It doesn't specify either sound or audio engineering, so rather than piping it, I'm just going to change it the first word from "sound" to "audio". Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)Reply
  • Change mixing to mastering per the source

Charts

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  • See MOS:TABLECAPTION
  • Center the chart positions

Notes

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  • Good

References

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  • Copyvio score looks pretty good at 35.1%!!!
  • Italicise The Line of Best Fit in ref 1's title
  • Cite Red Bull Music Academy as publisher instead on ref 5
  • Italicise Looping State of Mind in the titles of refs 8, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 21, 23, 24, 39, 42 and 43
  • Ditto for ref 13 and MusicOMH → musicOMH
  • Cite BBC Music as publisher instead and italicise Looping State of Mind for ref 18
  • Line of Best Fit → The Line of Best Fit on refs 22 and 26
  • Cite Apple Music as publisher instead on ref 32 and the SE URL would be more appropriate
  • Cite SoundCloud as publisher instead on ref 33
  • Cite Kompakt as publisher instead on refs 36, 37 and 38
  • Cite Metacritic as publisher instead on ref 44
  • Italicise XLR8R in the title of ref 54

Final comments and verdict

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  • I have addressed all your requests and done most of them. Two recurring types of requests I have ignored include requests to move a website into the publisher parameter, which I thought I convinced you to stop requesting when you reviewed the article for MCMXC a.D., and requests to remove the serial comma. A footnote contained in MOS:WEBITALICS reads:

    When used by Wikipedia in a reference citation, any website or other online publication is being cited as a published work, by definition; Wikipedia does not cite companies, individuals, or other entities, only works published by them. As with sources in any medium, titles of minor works (e.g., online articles) go in quotation marks, and titles of major works (e.g. websites) go in italics, even if they would not be italicized in running text as services, companies, etc.

    They also explicitly advise against your very request by saying, "Do not abuse incorrect template parameters (e.g. by putting the work title in |publisher= or |via=) in an attempt to avoid italicizing digital sources." I know a few sources prior to the review did abuse the parameters such as the one for AllMusic, which is why I have corrected them while addressing your requests. Furthermore, you have requested four times that I remove the serial comma, even though it does not go against the manual of style. MOS:SERIAL allows for serial commas "so long as [the] article is internally consistent", even advising in favor of them in cases such as "list with multi-word items...or a series of probably unfamiliar terms." In this case, I feel like you're trying to enforce a standard you like onto an article that already uses another standard that is considered fine. Regardless, thank you for reviewing. Lazman321 (talk) 00:00, 20 March 2023 (UTC)Reply
  • Lazman321 Thanks for the response and I was not aware of the serial comma rules, I will bare those in mind for the future. As for the publisher requests, I was not trying to enforce my reference rather than how I had learnt of non-italicised sources being publishers but I understand that is not always the case so this is acceptable. However, you still need to give context of the production being in 2011 before the four days to use the recording year in infobox, remove pipe on Beats Per Minute altogether on the second instance in prose since that is overlinking and add italicisation of the album title in sources not using quote marks for it. --K. Peake 08:46, 21 March 2023 (UTC)Reply
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