Talk:Lynsey Nolan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aircorn (talk · contribs) 05:10, 9 December 2012 (UTC) I am picking this one up because it is the oldest unreviewed article. After a read through I think it clearly fails both the prose and the focus criteria of the WP:GACR. I feel a little bit guilty doing this because you have waited so long for a review, but I think there is too much work required to get this up to standard in a reasonable length of time. I will leave some comments below detailing where I think the deficiencies are. It will not be a complete list, but will hopefully help you improve it if you wish to nominate it again.

• Over use of quotes: Quotes should be treated much like non-free pictures. Basically you need a good reason to use them. Almost all sources should be paraphrased. Exceptions might be due to something being controversial so the exact wording is needed. Sometimes if something is particularly important then it can be quoted, but this should not be overused or it takes away from the impact of the quote. Nearly every paragraph has a quote in it and sometimes most of the paragraph consists of these quotes. This is both a focus and prose issue, plus to a lesser extent in this case a neutrality issue (selectively quoting some one can lead too a misrepresentation of what they are seeing overall.

• Character Development and Storylines: Far, far, far to much detail on the storylines for this character. If you paraphrased some of the quotes it will help, but I think you go into far to much detail. Twelve paragraphs about a feud with another character is probably ten to many. This fails the focus criteria, in particularly the WP:Summary style part.

• Prose: Sorry but the prose is a long way off Good article quality. Too many short choppy sentences that do not flow well together.

• Comprehension: Despite all the detail given I still struggled to follow what was happening. It provides a blow by blow account of what happens, but misses out on giving the reader the overall theme.

Here is a section taken from the article that I think gives a good example of the issues raised by the last three points: Lynsey becomes friends with Mercedes. Lynsey begins a relationship with Mercedes' ex-fiance, Riley. Mercedes forgives her but later tells her Riley once kissed Mitzeee. Riley admits to Lynsey. Riley agrees to move in with Lynsey. Lynsey ends their relationship upon realising Riley is in love with Mitzeee. Mitzeee accuses Lynsey of stalking her through jealousy. Lynsey and Mercedes confront Mitzeee who points a knife at them. Lynsey leaves to get Riley and Mercedes is stabbed. Lynsey attempts to discover the connection between Walker and Ally.