Talk:Lyric Atchison
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Advice
editRather than jumping directly into a specific section, you should start the article with a short introductory section. Check out a well developed article (Jordin Tootoo, for example) for an example. Additionally, you'll see that the subject's birth date should be included in the first sentence.
"Lyric Atchison is a young First Nation rugby athlete from Squamish Nation." I wouldn't phrase this statement this way. The term "young" is subjective, and requires someone to edit the article once Atchison becomes "old", which might not happen.
Similarly, other sentences will have to be rewritten, like: "Atchison is in her third year at the University of British Columbia." This is only true this school year, but this article has to be able to stand the test of time. Generally, the statements in the article have to remain true, even if time has passed. This isn't a stand-alone paper, this will be online forever.
Pay attention to your writing, some of the sentences are too flowery. Fore example: "However, Atchison was not going to let anyone get in the way of her success on and off the field."
In your "Tom Longboat Award" section, you don't have to explain what the Tom Longboat Awards are, just hyperlink to the award's Wikipedia page. Same goes for the Aboriginal Sport Circle.
Continue editing your work, the writing needs to sound more like an encyclopedia entry. If you're having a difficult time doing this, try reading your article sentence by sentence aloud.
The article is getting there, keep up the hard work!
Dear Ali,
First of all, I would like to apologize for this late feedback. Initially, I thought that you would have access to my feedback through my responses to Erin's questions, posted on the Wiki Education Dashboard. Sorry, my fault. Due to this misunderstanding, I just read your review. I am really sorry about that, but sometimes I get confused with the community portal.
I believe that you were able to find great and detailed content about Lyric Atchison. Nonetheless, to improve the chances to get the article published and get a good mark, I would advise you to try to get at least 10 sources to help get more information related to athletic career, education, and personal life.
Since it worked for me, I would suggest you look for more information about Atchison on UBC website and Linkedin. If you are lucky, you will be able to find current information about her athletic career and what she studies. If you figure out where she was born, I would recommend you to check if the local newspaper has a website.
Moreover, I would suggest you to use the information that she won the Tom Longboat Award in the opening paragraph, along with birth date, hometown, and etc.. Besides, try to hyperlink as much as you can.
It is not easy to get information about those athletes, especially because they are young. If you need any help, I will be more than happy to assist you. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Diogo Martins Peixoto (talk • contribs) 19:39, 12 November 2019 (UTC)