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Talk:Mario Party 10/GA1

< Talk:Mario Party 10
Latest comment: 1 year ago by IceWelder in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 1 year ago13 comments5 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Cukie Gherkin (talk · contribs) 16:53, 14 June 2023 (UTC)Reply

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):  
    b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a. (reference section):  
    b. (citations to reliable sources):  
    c. (OR):  
    d. (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a. (major aspects):  
    b. (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):  
    b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/fail:  

(Criteria marked   are unassessed)

Infobox

  1. All but Horita and Nishiya are unsourced info. Find references that discuss their role in the game or remove it.
This game, like all Wii U releases, didn't really receive much development attention. As for the infobox, no sources really cite the developers explicitly. To not include them because of this is ignoring details, though. In my FA, Paper Mario: Color Splash, I was instructed to cite the game's credits as citations for ones that did not have a secondary source. Do you recommend I do this?
  1. The Australian release date is not mentioned anywhere else.
  • Cut it entirely. Bad sources anyways, not sure how that slipped by me.

Development and release

  1. "Mario Party 10 was developed by NDcube, developer of Mario Party 9, and published by Nintendo. Shuichiro Nishiya reprised his role as game director, and Jumpei Horita served as producer." This sentence is unsourced (I assume a mistake from breaking up paragraphs).
  • Good catch! Finding the origin probably would have stumped me.

Images

  1. The Bowser minigame rationale should have a rationale specific to it
  • Specified
Extra nudge to @Cukie Gherkin, just in case if this slipped through the cracks on accident. I shouldn't have nominated so many articles at once; even I've lost track of them. Panini! • 🥪 01:06, 30 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
Sorry, I was waiting for the LEGO review to be done, and I didn't see that you had replied. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 11:25, 30 August 2023 (UTC)Reply
@Cukie Gherkin and Panini!: It looks like the two of you might have forgotten about this one. QuicoleJR (talk) 17:53, 20 September 2023 (UTC)Reply
I've had a tab on it. It looks like Cutie is doing some general copyediting. Panini! • 🥪 19:42, 20 September 2023 (UTC)Reply
@Panini!: Sorry, I've been pretty inactive due to life stuff. Can you make a request at WT:VG for someone to finish the review? - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 00:03, 27 September 2023 (UTC)Reply
Sure thing. Thank you for all of your reviews! Panini! • 🥪 00:13, 27 September 2023 (UTC)Reply
I'll take over from here. Expect some more comments soon. IceWelder [✉] 18:46, 27 September 2023 (UTC)Reply

Spot check

  1. [1] I checked this source, and it does verify that motion controls are used, but it doesn't specifically say "motion-controlled platforming". I would recommend phrasing it in such a way to say that the game uses motion controls.
  • I split the motion controls part into a separate sentence to imply the game in general
Lead
  • "10" is not in Japanese, so it should not be faux-romanised as "Ten".
Should it be changed to something or removed? This is how it appears on Famitsu
It should just be "10" in the transliteration. IceWelder [✉] 15:48, 1 October 2023 (UTC)Reply
  Done Now I see what you were referring to, sorry I missed that.
  Done
  • "gamemodes" -> "game modes". Ditto for the body.
  Done
  • "mini stars" -> "mini-stars". Ditto for the body.
  Done
  • "where players traverse a board" - Clarify that it's a game board, not a hunk of wood.
  Done
  • "Mario Party 10 adds two new modes" -> "Mario Party 10 adds two modes".
  Done
  • "amiibo" -> "Amiibo". Ditto for the body.
  Done Rats, I knew the capital a was right but it saw it lowercased elsewhere. The word appears almost 50 times in the article.
  • "Gameplay of these modes is broken up with a variety of minigames with different ways to play, of which there are over 70." -> "Their gameplay is interspersed by over 70 minigames with various play styles."
  Done
  • "and advertised throughout the year on television" -> Just television?
  Done I doubt it, but the sources discussing marketing only relate to ads on TV. I removed the TV portion here.
  • "Additional information was detailed" -> "It was further detailed".
  Done
  • "It officially released" - And inofficially? Also use passive voice.
  Done
  • Usa serial commas for mdy dates.
  Done
  • Try to avoid the repeated use of "received".
  Done
  • "Use of the GamePad and Bowser Party mode" -> "The Bowser Party mode and use of the GamePad".
  Done
  Done
Gameplay
  • Describe screenshots by focusing on what they depict, not saying that they are screenshots. You did this well in your Paper Mario FAs, so you can use them for reference.
  Done, fixed the first one, but the second one seems to already do this well.
    • I also recommend merging the two images into one multi-image box to describe the two halves -- overworld movement and minigames -- collectively.
  Done
  • "Mario Party 10 continues the tradition of gameplay in the Mario Party series, primarily that of the previous title, Mario Party 9." -> "Mario Party 10's gameplay builds on that of its predecessors, principally Mario Party 9."
  • "In the standard "Mario Party" gamemode" - What makes Mario Party "standard" that is non-standard in the others? If it is the base/primary mode, say that instead.
  Done
  • "four players, controlled by either human" - We normally use "players" to describe human users. Please rephrase.
  Done
  • "and whoever has the most mini stars when they reach the end of the board wins" - This partly duplicates the previous sentence, which already stated the competitive aspect. Consider rephrasing to mention traversal first, contest second.
  Done
  • "Each player takes turns" -> "The players take turns".
  Done
  • "captain" is in quotes. Is it described as such in the game? You could use a more conventional word like "operator" instead.
  Done
  • "to progress forward" - Either "to progress" or "to move forward".
  Done
  • "making choices on spaces and the path the vehicle takes along the way" - Please clarify what "choices on spaces" refers to here. Maybe make a mention beforehand how the board is set up.
  Done
  • "Five different maps" - "different" is redundant here.
  Done
  • "one of 70 minigames will ensue" - The lead said more than 70, which one is it?
  Done
  • "2 vs 2's" and "3 vs 1's" - Be consistent with dashes and the possessives are out of place as well.
  Done
    • Actually, do we need to name the modes? You already mention the team sizes in the respective descriptions.
I'm gonna stick with naming the modes since it's easier for me to present the information that way
  • "Minigames vary in gameplay, but consist of (...) gameplay" -> "Minigames consist of (...) gameplay".
  Done
  • "Bowser is displayed on the Wii U GamePad, locked in a prison." -> "Bowser is displayed imprisoned on the Wii U GamePad."
  • "If all four players collectively land on one of each sides of the die" - If they roll the die individually, how will they land on it collectively? Did you mean to say "If all players roll the same die value in one round"?
  Done, not like that, but my rewrite should probably help explain it.
  • "Along with the standard competitive modes" -> The article previously only mentioned one mode. Also, if the foregone mode was "competitive", are those that follow casual?
  • "the game introduces two new modes called Bowser Party and Amiibo Party" -> "the game introduces the Bowser Party and Amiibo Party modes".
  Done
  • "subbed" -> "dubbed".
  Done whoops
  • The wording implies that the GamePad is called "Team Bowser", consider rephrasing.
  Done
  • "without losing all of their hearts" - Avoid repeated use of "hearts" in the same sentence.
  Done
  • "Landing on certain spaces will see the player either earn special dice to use, a chance to earn more hearts, be hindered by Bowser Jr., and impacting how many dice the fifth player has on their turn." -> "Landing on certain spaces will see the player either obtain special dice, get a chance to earn more hearts, be hindered by Bowser Jr., or impact how many dice the fifth player has on their turn."
  Done I appreciate the added hyperlinks so I can just copy and paste.
  • "If a main player has lost all their hearts" - What are "main" players? Please rephrase, including later occurrences.
  Done
  • "the fifth player on Team Bowser takes their turn, and rolls four dice" -> "the fifth player on Team Bowser takes theirs by rolling four dice" to avoid repetition.
  Done
  • "the number of the spaces" -> "the number of spaces".
  Done
  • "to catch the main group" -> "to catch up to the main group"? And again avoid use of "main" if there is no "secondary" group, or just use "Team Mario" (WP:ELEVAR).
  Done Not sure when the switch from "Team Mario" to "main" happened.
  • "a competitive minigame takes place" - Are there casual minigames? Also consider: "they enter into a minigame".
  Done
  • "where they use the GamePad" - I suppose "they" is Team Bowser but that is not clear from the text.
  Done This mixup is making me mad too and I'm the one who wrote this.
  • "will get to hinder" -> "gets to hinder".
  Done
  • "on a specific route" - Can Team Bowser choose this route or is it random?
  Done They choose
  • "If Team Mario is close to the goal, the fifth player will be able to" -> "When Team Mario is close to the finish, the fifth player may".
  Done
  • "the active player" - Is that the current operator of the Team Mario vehicle?
  Done It is, I just couldn't come up with what to call them at the time
  • "and secure a star" - Is there a difference between stars and mini-stars?
  Done, and clarified at the beginning of the paragraph
  • "A wrong choice will remove that enemy, but push the team back" - Not a contradiction, so replace "but".
  Done
  • "if only one of the enemies remains" -> "when only one enemy remains".
  Done
    • This should also start as a separate sentence.
  Done
  • "Amiibo Party is a gamemode" - That it is a mode was mentioned before.
  Done
  • "toys to life" -> "toys-to-life".
  Done
  Done
  • "Amiibo's" - What is the possessive doing here? Also, per its article, there is no plural form.
  Done I don't know man. I'm planning to hire an exterminator because these stupid possessive traps aren't working.
  • Do we need to mention which lines they come from if only a few Amiibo work anyway?
  Done I wanted to remove that too, I just wanted to hear someone else say it.
  • "and engage minigames" -> "or engage in minigames".
  Done
  • "Whoever purchases the most stars" - We did not previously know that you can buy stars in the game (is this possible in Mario Party as well?) and "purchase" is only used in a real-world, real-cash context. This could need some clarification either down here or at the point where you mentioned buying Amiibo.
  Done
  • Lastly, I feel as though the section would benefit from slightly shorter paragraphs. Consider splitting before "Scattered across the board" and "After the players on Team Mario".
  Done
Development
  • The NDcube logo is a bit decorative, so I feel it could be removed. If you do intend to keep the image, use it in thumbnail mode and add a full stop to the caption's complete sentence.
  Done
  Done
  • Also, in the leader you referred to NDcube as "the developers". Try to be consistent when referring to a company with singular or plural verbs -- the latter is more common in American English.
  Done
  • "together instead of individually" -> "together".
  Done
  • "They noticed how in previous titles anyone playing" -> "They noticed how, in previous titles, players".
  Done
  • "wasn't" - Expand contraction.
  Done
  • "therefore keeping everyone actively engaged" -> "thereby keeping everyone engaged".
  Done
  • "They also minimalized text" - I assume this means less text, not smaller text?
  Done Yep, switched to "decreased the amount"
  • "make the game naturally move faster" - Does it move unnaturally?
  Done
  • "before each minigame a video" -> "before each minigame, a video".
  Done
  • "the need of text" -> "the need for text".
  Done
  • "were pulled from NDcube staff" - "pooled"?
  Done
  • "would take the ideas" -> "took these ideas".
  Done
  • "usually just one sentence descriptions" -> "usually one-sentence descriptions".
  Done
  • "Inspiration was also drawn" - De-also-ify.
  Done The also problem is really bad too. I'm thinking of having the article fumigated.
  • "would observe his daily life and pull inspiration" -> "observed his daily life and draw inspiration".
  Done
  • "as the main character" -> "as the player characters".
  Done
  • "the circle of expectation" - The what?
  Done I got a good laugh out of that. I'm not too sure why past me assumed that the average reader would understand improv comedy jargon.
  • "ensured that the minigames were based on" -> "based the minigames on".
  Done
  • "One of the NDcube's goals developing a new Mario Party" -> "One of the NDcube's goals in developing Mario Party 10".
  Done
  • "new concepts not previously present" - That's what "new" means, right?
  Done Switched to "original to the series"
  • "One of these ideas was to allow Bowser to be playable, a reoccurring antagonist, and having the player compete against Mario." -> ", including allowing Bowser, a recurring antagonist, to be playable and having the player compete against Mario.".
  Done
  • "This would result" -> "This resulted".
  Done
  • You don't need to repeat the game mode description here.
  Done
  • "This original idea would evolve" -> "This idea evolved".
  Done
  • "would resulted" -> "resulted".
  Done
  • "To fix this the development team" -> "To fix this, the development team".
  Done
  • "would be given" -> "is given".
  Done
  • "Although they made sure that" is factual -> "Although they believed that" or something similar.
  Done
  • "they also wanted the Amiibo Party gamemode to utilize amiibos in a way that was more than just extra content" - What does this mean? What is "more than just extra content"? This, especially since the text just said it was supposed to be a novelty.
  Done I meant to imply the opposite, that they wanted Amiibo party to be more than just a novelty. Switched the wording around.
Development -> Announcement and release
  • Announcing is a part of releasing, so the header can be reduced.
  Done
    • Since the section is just one paragraph long, you could leave out the section header entirely and just name the overall section "Development and release"
I guess so, but I prefer the easier "jump to" navigation
  • "select characters that were playable" -> "select playable characters".
  Done
  • The Amiibo sentence should be merged into the prior E3 sentence.
  Done
  • "the Bowser Part gamemode" -> "Bowser Party". No need to repeat it's a game mode continuously.
  Done
  • What point does the slogan serve?
It's cool.
  Done
  • "advertisements ... advertised" - Avoid repetition.
  Done
  • "the game was revealed to release the following March 20 in North America and Europe and revealed the Amiibo Party gamemode" -> "Amiibo Party was announced alongside the release date of March 20 for North America and Europe".
  Done
  • "longside listing the amiibo ..." - Wasn't this mentioned earlier?
  Done Specified they listed all of them here, unlike a few in the beginning.
  • "released on March 12, 2015 in Japan" -> "was released on March 12, 2015, in Japan".
  Done
  • "and March 20 in North America in Europe" -> "and on March 20 in North America and Europe".
  Done
Reception -> Critical reviews
  • The "Critical reviews" header feels unnecessary as that is the primary focus of the "Reception" section anyway. I checked against your game FAs and it was not really consistent.
  Done I switched it to "Reviews" as I did in Paper Mario: Color Splash, and made that consistent among my other FAs.
  Done
  • "A common criticism was that Mario Party 10 for continued disliked" - Remove "for".
  Done
  • "mainly the vehicle mechanic" - Wasn't this given as a positive point in the development section?
To the developers is was a positive point, but wasn't received well critically.
  • "as game mechanics can be easily passed" - What does this mean? Passed to who?
  Done Specified the spaces on the board
  • "and the ability to choose the length of each round" - Does this still related to collective movement?
  Done Split the sentences
  • "Other critics preferred the continued linear gameplay" - Preferred over what?
  Done
  • "Hilliard preferred the linear progression" - Repeats "preferred" and "linear" in the same sentence.
  Done
  • "as it quickly sped up movement time" -> "as it sped up movement".
  Done
  • "Carsillo did not consider (...), but (...), but (...)." - Avoid run-on and repetition.
  Done
  • "received mixed reception" -> "received a mixed reception".
  Done
  • "considerably less boards" -> "considerably fewer boards".
  Done
  • "100 dollars worth" -> "$100 worth".
  Done
Reception -> Sales
  • "the Mario Party 10" -> "Mario Party 10".
  Done
  • "second best" -> "second-best".
  Done
  • "Mario Party 10 underperformed compared to the previous game" - Based on the source, this appears like original research.
  Done
  • "tenth best selling" -> "tenth-best-selling".
  Done
References
  • Amend the inconsistent use of the |publisher= parameter.
  Done
  • I also recommend linking to outlets consistently.
I haven't heard this comment before, could you clarify for me what that is?
  • When citing company websites (GfK Chart-Track, Nintendo), use |publisher= instead of |work/website=.
  Done
  • What makes Nintendo Everything a reliable source? It's on WP:VG/RS's naughty list.
  Done I noticed that too just now. It was a source I forgot to replace that was here before my re-do of the article.
Other
  Done
  • Identify and eliminate duplicate wikilinks (script).
  Done

@Panini!: Above is my initial review. Generally, the article needs some proofreading/copyediting. Feel free to strike through or reply to individual comments as you work on them. Regards, IceWelder [✉] 17:46, 28 September 2023 (UTC)Reply

@IceWelder Left some comments. Panini! • 🥪 19:03, 3 October 2023 (UTC)Reply
Thank you for all your work, @Panini!. The comment about consistent outlet linkage referred to how the |website= parameter sometimes held a link, sometimes not, even if the publication was linkable in both cases. I just copyedited the article slightly and put those links in where missing. At this stage, I am happy to   pass the article. Regards, IceWelder [✉] 20:59, 3 October 2023 (UTC)Reply
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