Talk:Martha Hughes Cannon/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 00:20, 18 February 2018 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:20, 18 February 2018 (UTC)

I'll copyedit as I read through; please revert if I make any mistakes.

• With the rapid advancement of medicine, Brigham Young began recommending that church members become doctors. In a October 1873 General Conference address, Brigham Young encouraged women, specifically, to enter the medical field and become doctors: repetitive.
• On August 13, 1878, Cannon was one of four women set apart for medical studies and practice by the Mormon Church. President John Taylor and his counselor George Q. Cannon set them apart. The four women were Romania B. Pratt, Ellis R. Shipp, Maggie Shipp, and Martha Hughes Cannon. Repetitive; just say "the other three women"; no need to list Cannon twice. And shouldn't we still be calling her Hughes at this point? Although if the sources we're using use "Cannon" for her early years we can go along with that.
• Romania and Ellis had already received their medical degrees while Maggie and Martha were heading out to earn theirs: Generally you use last names; any reason to use first names here? I see two are surnamed Shipp, but we could make it "Pratt and Ellis Shipp had...while Cannon and Maggie Shipp".
• When the secrecy around her marriage to Angus Cannon is discussed, the reader hasn't yet been told about the legal context for plural marriages (except in the lead, which is supposed to include only material in the body). I think we need some explanation at this point.
• her letters to Angus grow with jealousy and resentment: suggest "show increasing jealousy and resentment".
• 30th annual convention at the American Woman Suffrage Association: shouldn't this be "of the", rather than "at the"?
• After the Edmunds-Tucker Act passed, were Martha and Angus still technically husband and wife?
• It seems odd that Cannon and her husband are opposing each other in the election, and are of different parties; were they estranged by this time?
• You mention her speech at Seneca Falls twice at separate points in the article; can these be combined to a single description?
• The influence of newspaper and religious leaders: either "newspapers", or if it's just the Deseret News, then "the newspaper".
• Suggest linking KUED.
• I'd cut the links in the "See also" section that are already linked in the article.
• Not an issue for GA, but FYI: you have "accessdate" parameters on a couple of book citations that aren't needed. That parameter is used for accessing web information, and indicates the date on which you accessed the URL. That can help others find archived versions of a web page, since web page contents can change over time. For a book there's no risk of the content changing so the access date isn't needed.
• I'd eliminate the "Find a Grave" link; it's not a reliable source as it's crowd-sourced. I think the obituary for Angus should be linked from his article, not Martha's; the same goes for the biographical sketch.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:01, 18 February 2018 (UTC)

Gandhi (BYU), are you planning to work on this article? I'll fail this in another week if I don't hear from you. If you need more time, let me know. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:26, 25 February 2018 (UTC)

Mike Christie, thank you for your review! I will finish up your suggested edits this week.Gandhi (BYU) (talk) 20:40, 1 March 2018 (UTC)

No problem; let me know when you're ready for me to take another look. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:09, 2 March 2018 (UTC)

Mike Christie, I have finished my edits. If there is anything else that needs work please let me know. Thank you for reviewing this article! Gandhi (BYU) (talk) 21:03, 8 March 2018 (UTC)

The changes look good. I made a couple more edits based on my comments above. Promoting to GA. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:36, 10 March 2018 (UTC)